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Loneliness is not a flaw but a signal. It alerts us that the relationships in our lives have fallen short of what we want or need.

We all feel lonely at times. For some, loneliness comes and goes. But for others, it lingers, bringing feelings of deep emptiness and dejection. Loneliness can leave people feeling bored, angry, depressed, insecure, rejected, or unloved.

If this describes how you feel, you should know that many people find themselves experiencing similar emotions. But what can you do to deal with feelings of loneliness? To begin, it may be helpful to understand what might be causing these feelings.

WHAT MAKES PEOPLE FEEL LONELY?

Some people feel lonely because they do not have enough opportunities to spend time with others. For example, you might feel lonely if . . .

• you cannot see your friends or family as often as you would like.

• you often find yourself without anyone to be with during your free time or at times when others seem to be enjoying life together.

• you do not have friends who share your interests.

• you have been left out of social activities because of your age, your health, or other circumstances beyond your control.

• you lost your group of friends because you changed schools, graduated, moved, or retired.

Some people may regularly spend time with others yet still feel lonely because they do not have​—or have lost—​close or meaningful relationships. This may be your situation if . . .

• you have experienced the loss of a marriage mate or a close friend in death.

• you have separated or divorced from your spouse.

• you would like to get married but have not yet found someone to share your life with.

• you feel misunderstood, unseen, unheard, or unloved by the people around you.

• you feel that none of your acquaintances take the time to truly know who you are and how you feel.

Yet others struggle with loneliness because they feel that their life lacks meaning. They may be surrounded by friends, but they still feel that their life has no purpose or direction. This emptiness can lead to feeling disconnected from everyone around them.

FACTORS THAT CAN INCREASE LONELINESS

Technology. Modern technology can be very useful, and yet, because of it, many people have less and less contact with others. For example, instead of visiting a store and interacting with shop employees, many shop online. Technology has also made it easier for employees to work remotely, usually from their own homes. And consider the impact of social media. Although it allows us to connect with more people and more frequently than in the past, some find that it generates or intensifies feelings of loneliness. They feel unwanted if their posts do not get enough likes. When they see photos of others enjoying good times with friends, they feel excluded or become painfully aware that they lack friends.

Mental health. Feeling lonely can affect mental health, and mental health problems can lead to more feelings of loneliness. Loneliness can trigger or intensify feelings of anxiety and depression. In turn, depression can lead a person to perceive his life as lacking purpose, deepening his sense of isolation. Furthermore, anxiety and low self-esteem can make it difficult to reach out and connect with others.a

Society. In some areas, people feel pressured to work very long hours in order to keep their job or meet their expenses. As a result, they are often left exhausted and with little time to build strong relationships. Others have limited opportunities to make friends because they live in areas with rigid social norms that regulate who can socialize with whom. Still others live in societies where people are too focused on themselves, creating an environment in which it is hard to make real friends.

Past experiences. When people have been physically or emotionally abused in the past, the wounds can last a long time. As a result, they may find it hard to trust others and may keep their distance.

YOU CAN DEFEAT LONELINESS

Regardless of why you feel lonely, you can take steps to deal with this feeling. Many people have been able to do so. In the next articles, we will discuss what you can do to succeed in your struggle against loneliness.

DOES IT REALLY WORK?

Think about this: With whom do you prefer to spend time? With people who are selfish or unselfish? No doubt, you prefer to spend time with unselfish people. Others feel the same. So if you help someone, that person may want to be closer to you and look for ways to support you.

Of course, not every act of kindness will lead to a closer relationship. Nevertheless, you still benefit yourself. When you help others, you focus less on your own feelings, including your feelings of loneliness. People who help others are more likely to feel that they belong and that they have a sense of purpose. They feel more positive about themselves and their circumstances. They often feel less anxious and depressed and are more likely to live healthier and happier lives.

“Helping others turns empty time into quality time. It makes me feel useful and gives me great satisfaction.”​—Antonella,a in Italy, who has struggled with loneliness since her husband’s death.

HOW TO SUCCEED

Start small. You could start by reaching out to people you already know. You may find this less daunting than reaching out to new people. Could you share some refreshments or give them a small gift? Small gestures of kindness can be very meaningful. When you are alone, why not send someone a text message asking how he or she is? People appreciate it when others think about them.

Do something that shows you care. Think about the people you know. Ask yourself: ‘What help do they need? What would they appreciate?’ You could, for example, offer to help someone with a project or run errands for a person who has a busy schedule. If you are an older person, you could teach someone a skill or share your wealth of life experience in some other way. What may seem simple or obvious to you could be very enriching to someone else.

Be attentive to the needs of people you do not know well. As you go about your day, pay attention to other people. When possible, smile and greet them. Be observant of those who might be struggling with emotional or physical challenges, and try to imagine their circumstances. Your empathy will motivate you to help them. As a result, you may establish new relationships with people who may come to care about you just as you care about them.

“I try to help those who are elderly or not well. I’ve done shopping for them and accompanied them to the doctor. When a woman moved into my area, I ran some errands for her and helped her settle in.”​—Emma, who experienced loneliness after emigrating to another country.

Take care of yourself. Be alert to take care of your health, and make sure you get enough sleep. Set reasonable boundaries when helping others so that you do not burn out. In doing so, you will have more physical and emotional energy to help others.

Humans, by nature, need one another. So try focusing on others by helping them, and take good care of yourself. You may be surprised to see how it helps you in your struggle with loneliness.

DOES IT REALLY WORK?

You do not need to be a mental health expert to know that having good friends can alleviate feelings of loneliness. Still, you will find it reassuring to note the following comments published in mental health publications:

• “People with close friendships and higher quality relationships experience more life satisfaction and less loneliness and depression.”​—Psychology Today.

• “Stable, healthy friendships are crucial for our well-being . . . Having social connections is one of the most reliable predictors of a long, healthy, and satisfying life.”​—Monitor on Psychology.

“My close friend and I can talk for hours. She listens, she comforts, and she doesn’t criticize. My friend is my ‘medicine’​—she makes me feel understood, loved, and valued.”​—Azra, in Türkiye, who has experienced loneliness because of family problems.

HOW TO SUCCEED

Put yourself in a position to make friends. Reduce activities that isolate you from others, such as excessive social media use. Instead, look for opportunities to interact with others in person. Greet the people you come across throughout your day, and if possible, try to have a brief conversation.

Strengthen the relationships that you already have. As mentioned, it may be easier to draw closer to those you know rather than to start new relationships. Among the people you know, identify those who have the potential to be good friends. Ask yourself: ‘Who has qualities that I admire? Who has similar interests to mine? Whom do I like interacting with? Who genuinely cares about me?’

Reach out to others, but take it slow. Start with short conversations, perhaps on topics that you feel comfortable with. In time, you could plan a simple activity together. Keep in mind that the other person may already have a number of friends. So be patient, and do not take it personally if it takes time to create a genuine connection.

Try to connect with others. Good friends know each other well. So to draw closer to others, ask questions that encourage them to answer with more than just a yes or no. Then, really listen. Let them sense that you care. Avoid being distracted, such as by checking your phone during a conversation. Be prepared to give of your time, even if you have a busy schedule.

“When speaking to others, I avoid negative topics and try not to talk about myself too much. Instead, I make a conscious effort to ask questions and listen carefully.”​—Norio, in Japan, who suffered from loneliness after becoming blind.

Be realistic. Not every exchange will go smoothly, and not every person you reach out to will become a close friend. So do not give up. Also, keep in mind that there is no such thing as a perfect friend.

It takes time and effort to make good friends. But it is worth it! Quality friends will bring joy into your life, helping to lessen the feelings of loneliness.

DOES IT REALLY WORK?

Note some of the benefits of having a real purpose.

You have a clear path in life. Because you are working toward something productive, your actions have meaning. As a result, you feel less empty and you are better able to organize your time, energy, and goals.

You feel better mentally and physically. People with a purpose in life tend to be happier and more satisfied. They feel that they have something valuable to offer, which results in a greater feeling of self-worth. They are less likely to experience long periods of sadness and more likely to live a longer and healthier life.

You are more likely to make meaningful relationships. People with a purpose tend to meet others who are working toward a similar goal. They are drawn together because they share interests and past experiences. As they work toward common goals, they have the opportunity to develop close friendships.

“I feel less lonely when I am with people who have the same goals and values that I have.”​—Emma, quoted earlier.

By getting to know the Creator, you can find purpose in life and cope with​—and perhaps even defeat—​loneliness

HOW TO SUCCEED

What should be your purpose in life? Your career? Your family? Your community? Such things can give your life meaning. And yet, some people still feel that something is missing. Why is this the case?

As humans, we do not have only physical, mental, and emotional needs. We also have a spiritual need​—that is, a need to know about our Creator and to be close to him. What can you do to fill this need?

Satisfy your spiritual need. Learn about the Creator by reading the Bible. The Bible reveals who our Creator is, how we can be close to him, and what his purpose is for us. For example, the Bible reveals that our Creator has a name, Jehovah. (Isaiah 45:18) The Bible also contains guidance that can give your life direction.

“Coming to know Jehovah has given my life meaning and purpose.”​—Crystal, in Australia, who has battled negative emotions and at one point tried to end her life.

Get to know others who have found real purpose in life. One of the best ways to satisfy your spiritual need is to find others who also want to be close to the Creator. To find such ones, you are welcome to visit any meeting of Jehovah’s Witnesses.a There, you will meet many people who have alleviated their loneliness by learning about the Creator’s purpose for humans. In doing so, they have made friends whom they consider family.

Would you enjoy a life free from loneliness? Why not look into the Bible for yourself? It may help you to find a real purpose in your life, to connect with others who have done the same, and to cope with​—and perhaps even defeat—​loneliness.

Loneliness is a widespread problem, and it can have serious consequences. It can have an impact on a person’s physical and mental health, as well as on his or her lifespan.

If you struggle with loneliness, the articles in this magazine can help you.