Table of Contents

April 2011

Coping With the Loss of a Loved One

3 An Almost Unbearable Loss

4 Coming to Terms With Death

6 Help for Those Who Grieve

14 Awesome Beauty and Grace

21 How I Changed My Violent Ways

24 “I Couldn’t Put It Down!”

27 Watching the World

30 For Family Review

32 Jesus “Takes Away the Sin of the World”

An Almost Unbearable Loss

Nicolle was a healthy little girl. But one evening she complained of a headache, and her parents took her to the hospital. The next evening, while still under observation, Nicolle suffered a heart attack. Further examinations revealed that she had a rare bacterial infection that had spread to her lungs, kidneys, and heart. Within 48 hours, Nicolle was dead. She was just three years old.

THE death of a loved one is one of the most devastating experiences a human can face. At times, the loss may seem unbearable. “I miss Nicolle so much,” says Isabelle, the girl’s mother. “I miss her hugs, her smell, her tenderness. I miss the way she would give me a flower every day. Nicolle is always in my thoughts.”

Have you too lost a loved one​—whether a child, a spouse, a sibling, a parent, or a close friend? If so, how can you cope with your sorrow?

Coming to Terms With Death

“The news of my father’s death left me in a state of shock and despair. I was overwhelmed by guilt because I hadn’t been at his side when he died. Nothing can compare to the deep pain from the loss of a loved one. I miss my dad so much!”​—Sara.

DEATH is awkward for most people to discuss, regardless of their culture or religion. Some languages provide a number of euphemisms to ease the discomfort. In English, instead of saying that someone “died,” people will say that he or she “passed away,” “departed,” or “is no longer with us.”

Yet, even the gentlest of terms can do little to soften the intense sadness that is often felt by those who have lost a loved one. For some, grief is so heavy that they simply cannot accept the reality of what has happened.

If you have lost a loved one in death, you too may find yourself struggling to come to terms with your loss. Perhaps you even pretend you are doing well, when inside you know otherwise. Of course, not everyone grieves in the same way, so if you do not outwardly display your sorrow, that does not mean that you are suppressing your feelings.a Problems, however, can arise if you feel obliged to put on a front for others​—perhaps family members who are themselves grieving.

“No Time for Me to Grieve”

Consider the experience of Nathaniel, a young man whose mother died when he was 24. “At first, I was bewildered,” he says. “I felt that I had to be a support to my dad and to many of my mother’s distraught friends. There was no time for me to grieve.”

After more than a year, Nathaniel found that he still had not come to terms with his own loss. “Dad still occasionally calls to mourn,” he says, “and that’s a good thing. He needs to talk about it, and I’m happy to help. It’s just that when I need support, I feel as if I have nowhere to turn.”

Caregivers​—including those in the medical profession who must frequently confront the reality of death—​may also feel obliged to suppress their feelings. Take the case of Heloisa, a doctor for more than 20 years. She worked in a close-knit community and had a bond with her patients. “I was with many of them at the time of their death,” she says, “and some of them were very dear friends.”

Heloisa realized that shedding tears was a natural way to get relief. “But I found it difficult to cry,” she relates. “I was so concerned about being strong for others that I felt I had to hold in my feelings. I believed that others expected that of me.”

“The House Felt Empty Without Her”

Loneliness is perhaps one of the greatest challenges faced by those who have lost a loved one. For example, Ashley was 19 when her mother died of cancer. “Afterward, I felt completely lost and alone,” she says. “My mother was my best friend. We spent so much time together!”

Understandably, Ashley found it difficult to come home each day and realize that her mother was not there. “The house felt empty without her,” she says. “Many times I just went to my room and cried while I looked at pictures of her and thought about the things we used to do together.”

Be assured that whether you have lost a family member or a dear friend, you are not alone in your grief. Many have found effective ways to cope, as we shall see.

[Footnote]

[Blurb on page 5]

“I felt completely lost and alone. My mother was my best friend”​—Ashley

Help for Those Who Grieve

“Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart.”​—Psalm 34:18.

AFTER the death of a loved one, you might be confronted with a number of overwhelming emotions, including shock, numbness, sadness, and perhaps even guilt or anger. As mentioned in the preceding article, not everyone grieves in the same way. Therefore, you may not experience all of those feelings, and you may not display your sorrow in the same way that others do. However, when you need to express your sadness, it is not wrong for you to do so.

“Let Yourself Grieve!”

Heloisa, the medical doctor quoted earlier, tried to hold in her feelings after her mother’s death. “I did cry at first,” she says, “but soon I was suppressing my feelings​—just as I would when I lost a patient. My health has suffered considerably, perhaps as a result. My advice to those who have lost a loved one is this: Let yourself grieve! Get it out of your system. It will relieve you.”

However, as the days and weeks elapse, you might feel as did Cecília, who lost her husband to cancer. “At times,” she says, “I’m disappointed in myself because it seems that I haven’t met the expectations of some who think I should be over it by now.”

If you have had such thoughts, try to remember that there is no “correct” way to grieve. Some are able to move on with relative ease. Others cannot. In such cases, the process cannot be rushed, so do not feel compelled to meet some “deadline” at which point you think you should feel better.a

But what if your grief is like a bottomless pit and you are becoming worn out by your despair? Perhaps your experience is similar to that of Jacob, a righteous man who, when told that his son Joseph had died, “kept refusing to take comfort.” (Genesis 37:35) If that is how you have responded, what practical steps can you take so that you are not overwhelmed by sorrow?

Take care of yourself. “At times, I feel terribly tired and I realize that I have exceeded my limits,” says Cecília. As her comment indicates, grief can exact a heavy toll, both physically and emotionally. Therefore, you would do well to pay particular attention to your physical health. Get proper rest, and eat nutritious foods.

Admittedly, you may have little desire to eat, much less to shop and to cook. Nevertheless, neglecting nutrition can leave you prone to infection and illness, and that will only aggravate your distress. At least try to eat in small amounts to maintain good health.b

If possible, engage in some form of exercise, even if it is only walking. Physical activity can get you out of the house. Furthermore, moderate exercise triggers the release of endorphins, chemical substances in the brain that can make you feel better.

Accept help from others. This may be particularly important when a spouse has died. Perhaps there are a number of tasks that he or she cared for, and now those tasks are left unattended. For example, if your spouse handled financial matters or domestic chores, you might, at first, find it difficult to take care of those matters by yourself. In such a circumstance, the advice of tactful friends can be of great assistance to you.​—Proverbs 25:11.

The Bible describes a true friend as one “born for when there is distress.” (Proverbs 17:17) So do not isolate yourself from others, thinking that you will be a burden to them. On the contrary, association with others can be like a bridge that helps you cross over from grief to acceptance. After her mother’s death, a young woman named Sally found association with others to be greatly uplifting. “Many of my friends included me in their social activities,” she says. “That really helped me to cope with the intense loneliness that I felt. I always appreciated it when people would ask simple questions, such as, ‘How are you dealing with your mother’s death?’ I found that talking about my mom helped me to heal.”

Allow yourself to remember. Try to recall happy memories of the times you shared with your loved one, perhaps by looking at photos. True, remembering those times might be painful at first. In time, though, these memories may help you to heal rather than cause you to hurt.

You might even try keeping a journal. In it you could write about your pleasant memories and even include the things you wish you could have said to your loved one while he or she was still alive. It may be easier for you to put your feelings into perspective when you see them on paper. Writing might also provide you with a healthful outlet for your emotions.

What about keeping mementos? Opinions on this vary, and that is hardly surprising, since each person grieves differently. Some feel that holding on to personal effects is an impediment to recovery. Others find it helpful. “I’ve kept many things that used to belong to my mom,” says Sally, quoted earlier. “It’s a good way to cope!”c

Rely on “the God of all comfort.” The Bible says: “Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you.” (Psalm 55:22) Prayer to God is not some sort of emotional crutch. It is real and vital communication with “the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation.”​—2 Corinthians 1:3, 4.

God’s Word, the Bible, provides the greatest comfort of all. The Christian apostle Paul stated: “I have hope toward God . . . that there is going to be a resurrection of both the righteous and the unrighteous.” (Acts 24:15) Thinking about the Bible-based hope of a resurrection can be the greatest comfort while grieving the loss of a loved one.d That is what Lauren, a woman whose teenage brother died in an accident, found to be true. “No matter how bad I felt,” she says, “I would pick up the Bible and read, even if it was just one verse. I picked verses that were particularly encouraging, and I read them over and over again. I took comfort, for example, from Jesus’ words to Martha after Lazarus’ death. He said to her: ‘Your brother will rise.’”​—John 11:23.

“You Don’t Have to Let It Dominate You”

Challenging as it may be, working through grief will help you to move on with your life. Do not feel guilty, as if by moving on you would be betraying your loved one or forgetting him or her. The fact is that you will never forget your loved one. On certain occasions memories may come flooding back, but gradually the distressing symptoms will ease.

You may also be able to recall bittersweet memories with fondness. For instance, Ashley, quoted in the previous article, says: “I can remember the day before my mom passed away. She seemed to be doing better, and she had gotten out of bed for the first time in days. While my sister was combing Mom’s hair, the three of us started laughing at something, and I saw a smile on my mother’s face that I hadn’t seen in a long time. She was so content just to be there with her daughters.”

You will also be able to reflect on valuable lessons learned while you were with your loved one. For example, Sally says: “Mom was a wonderful teacher. She gave great advice without making it sound like advice, and she taught me how to make good decisions that were my own decisions and not just what she or my dad said.”

Memories of your loved one can be the very tool you need to help you to move on. That is what a young man named Alex found. “After my dad’s death,” he says, “I resolved to keep living as he had taught me​—never to forget to enjoy life. To those who have lost a parent, I would say this: You’ll never truly get over your parent’s death, but you don’t have to let it dominate you. Mourn and grieve as you must, but don’t forget that you still have to make the best of the life that is ahead of you.”

[Footnotes]

[Blurb on page 8]

“No matter how bad I felt, I would pick up the Bible and read, even if it was just one verse”​—Lauren

[Box/​Picture on page 7]

DEALING WITH GUILT

Perhaps you feel that some neglect on your part contributed to your loved one’s death. Realizing that guilt​—real or imagined—​is a normal grief reaction can be helpful in itself. Here again, do not necessarily keep such feelings to yourself. Talking about how guilty you feel can provide a much needed release.

Realize, though, that no matter how much we love another person, we cannot control his or her life, nor can we prevent “time and unforeseen occurrence” from befalling those we love. (Ecclesiastes 9:11) Besides, no doubt your motives were not bad. For example, in not making a doctor’s appointment sooner, did you intend for your loved one to get sick and die? Of course not! Then are you really guilty of causing that one’s death? No.

One mother learned to deal with the guilt after her daughter died in a car accident. She explains: “I felt guilty that I had sent her out. But I came to realize that it was ridiculous to feel that way. There was nothing wrong with sending her with her father to run an errand. It was just a terrible accident.”

‘But there are so many things I wish I had said or done,’ you may say. True, but who of us can say that we have been the perfect father, mother, or child? The Bible reminds us: “We all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in word, this one is a perfect man.” (James 3:2; Romans 5:12) So accept the fact that you are not perfect. Dwelling upon all kinds of “if onlys” will not change anything, but it may slow down your recovery.e

[Footnote]

[Picture on page 6]

At times, a grieving elderly parent must comfort a grieving adult child

[Pictures on page 9]

Keeping a journal, looking through photos, and accepting help are ways to cope with the loss of a loved one

Awesome Beauty and Grace

“I quickly fell in love with horses. They are so beautiful and boast a unique gracefulness.”​—TOMASZ, AN EXPERT HORSE BREEDER.

MANY regard horses as the most beautiful of animals, favored for their grace and their unbridled energy as they rear up on their hind legs, pound the ground with their hooves, snort proudly, and charge forward courageously. They truly are a thing of beauty.

Over the centuries, across a variety of climatic zones and diverse terrains, numerous breeds of horses have been developed. The purebred Arabian horse is viewed as one of the most handsome of breeds. It is classed as hot-blooded, with energy, speed, stamina, and intelligence that make it good for use in sports.

Interestingly, Poland, a Central European country, enjoys a rich tradition of breeding these spirited steeds. In the eyes of breeders and experts alike, some of the most valuable Arabians with the best of bloodlines have links with Poland. Why is that? This and other questions have been put to horse breeders and authorities in the field.

How Enthusiasts View the Breed

To begin with, let us find out a bit more about the purebred Arabian. This breed has always been associated with the Middle East. Tomasz, an expert horse breeder, explains: “For centuries Bedouin tribes cultivated and preserved the purity of the Arabian horse. Thanks to strict selection and the painstaking care of the breeders, the prized Arabian breed was created. Most commonly, these horses are gray, bay, or chestnut in color; occasionally they are black.”

Żaneta, an Arabian fancier, says, “They are extraordinarily beautiful and are thought to be the purest and oldest of all horse breeds.” They are known not only for their fiery temperament but also for their courage and stamina. The Arabian’s strong lungs​—encased in its broad, deep chest—​make it ideal for long-distance riding.

From Arabia to Poland

“How did Arabians actually get to Poland?” we ask Tomasz, who owns a stud farm here. “They may have first come in the company of an emissary of the king, who was returning from one of his numerous trips to the 16th-century sultanic court of Stambul,” he explains. “What is beyond any doubt, though, is that the Polish breeding program dates back to the late 18th century.” Izabela Pawelec-Zawadzka, an expert Arabian-horse breeder, highlights the role of a certain Count Wacław Rzewuski. As an authority on Oriental culture, he “became the instigator and organizer of import expeditions to bring horses from Arabia,” bringing 137 purebred horses to Europe.

Rzewuski’s persistence and zeal led to the founding of the first Polish Arabian stud farm in Janów Podlaski, East Poland, in the year 1817. “The beginnings looked promising. Qualified breeders looked after the horses,” explains Tomasz. “But the two world wars, which raged throughout the heart of Europe, wreaked havoc on the Polish stud farms. The majority of the horses died, ran away, or were rustled.” However, some time after the second world war, the breeding program was successfully resumed.

The Arabians are now raised in at least 30 Polish stud farms. Two hundred years of tradition guarantees the best-quality horses. Poland has thus become one of the most prominent centers for Arabian-horse breeding, attracting experts and enthusiasts in droves from all over the world to the prestigious annual shows and auctions.

Day-to-Day Care of the Arabian

Raising high-quality horses with distinguished pedigrees requires that breeders provide well for the needs of the animals. Małgorzata, another stud-farm owner, explains: “The care of the Arabian is a complex matter. We need to provide a balanced feeding program appropriate to the hot-blooded horse in order to maintain its levels of fitness and its good looks. Heavily pregnant mares require special attention.”a What kind of feed is best for the Arabian?

Małgorzata continues: “We start the day by feeding the horses hay, which provides all the nutrition necessary, including essential vitamins and minerals. Oats mixed with chaff or cut straw are especially nutritious; barley and wheat bran are also good. But the horses actually prefer juicy green fodder​—grass or alfalfa as well as potatoes, carrots, and beetroot. In winter, breeders often buy ready-mixed fodder rich in protein. As part of their diet, Arabians also need salt licks​—lumps of salt containing minerals or herbs that cool down their fiery temper. It has to be said, though, that even the best hay or fodder is no match for a grassy pasture. And one last thing, the horses need to have access to clean water at all times​—they will not touch dirty water.”

Proper care of the Arabian includes giving unfailing attention to its hide and hair. That calls for careful cleaning, gentle massaging with special brushes, and stroking by hand. There is more, though, as Tomasz explains: “Daily cleaning of the hooves is crucial, as it prevents various types of disease, including cancer. We have to be especially vigilant when it comes to the horse’s eyes, nostrils, lips, and ears.” Żaneta adds: “In order for the horse to be fit and to look elegant, it needs room to run and also sand, mud, or grass to roll in. When a horse perspires after trotting or galloping, it must be covered with a blanket and then cleaned afterward.”

Experts stress the importance of being sensitive to the specific needs of each horse. Małgorzata puts it this way: “It is believed that Arabians have a sixth sense​—they value human company, being touched and embraced. Such human expressions build the horse’s trust in its rider to the point that it becomes completely devoted to that person. They are known to neigh with glee in response to a smile, an embrace, or a special treat​—such as a carrot or a piece of sugar. Those who love horses have real fun looking after them.” Tomasz describes his passion for them: “I quickly fell in love with horses. They are so beautiful and boast a unique gracefulness. But earning their trust is not easy. It took me many years.”

The Future of the Horse

From time immemorial, people have been thrilled at the sight of the beauty, speed, agility, strength, and intelligence of horses, especially the Arabian breed, and have forged a unique bond with them. Sadly, that same bond has been exploited to vile ends in wars, during which hundreds of horses breathed their last. Under the rule of God’s Kingdom, however, people will use horses for only honorable purposes​—all to the praise of their Creator, Jehovah God.

[Footnote]

[Picture on page 15]

Mare and foal

[Pictures on page 16]

Day-to-Day Care of an Arabian Includes

1. Careful brushing of its hide and hair

2. Cleaning of the hooves

3. Human expressions of affection

[Picture on page 17]

Stallions playing in the snow

Young People Ask

Where Do I Fit In?

“I’m 21. There aren’t many people my age around here, so I have to hang out with either high schoolers or married couples. The first group stresses over exams, and the second group worries about mortgages. Neither of those issues keeps me up at night. It would be so nice to find some people I can fit in with!”​—Carmen.a

NEARLY everyone, regardless of age, wants to be accepted by others. No doubt you do too. That’s why it hurts so much to be left out and ignored, as if you were invisible​—“just someone in the background,” as 15-year-old Michaela describes herself.

Of course, if you’re a Christian, you have a “whole association of brothers” to fit in with. (1 Peter 2:17) Even then, at times you may feel out of place. “On the way home from Christian meetings, I’d sit in the back of the car and cry,” recalls 20-year-old Helena. “The more I struggled to fit in, the more disappointed I felt.”

What can you do if you feel that you don’t belong? To answer that question, first let’s identify (1) the type of people you find it most challenging to fit in with and (2) how you typically react when you’re in their company.

Put a ✔ next to the group you just can’t seem to fit in with.

1. Age

□ peers □ older youths □ adults

2. Performance

People who are

□ athletic □ talented □ intellectual

3. Personality

People who are

□ confident □ popular □ in a clique

Now put a ✔ next to the statement that describes your typical reaction to being with the people you identified above.

□ I pretend to have similar interests or abilities.

□ I ignore their interests and talk about my own.

□ I stay quiet and look for the first opportunity to leave.

Now that you’ve identified the group of people you find it most challenging to fit in with and how you’ve dealt with the situation, we’re almost ready to consider how you can find your place. First, though, there are a few dead ends to social success that you need to be aware of and avoid.

DEAD END 1: Isolation

The challenge. When you’re with people whose interests or talents differ from yours, it’s easy to feel that you’re the oddball​—especially if you’re shy. “I hate trying to come up with conversation,” says 18-year-old Anita. “I’m scared I’m going to say the wrong thing.”

What the Bible says. “One isolating himself will seek his own selfish longing; against all practical wisdom he will break forth.” (Proverbs 18:1) Clearly, retreating into a shell will just make matters worse. In fact, when you isolate yourself, you end up stuck in a vicious circle: Your loneliness convinces you that you don’t fit in, which makes you retreat from others, which makes you lonely, which convinces you that you don’t fit in. And you stay trapped in that cycle, going round and round, until you do something about it!

“People aren’t mind readers. If you don’t say what you want, you’re not going to get it. If you keep to yourself, you’re not going to make any friends. You have to make some sort of effort. It’s not fair to think that it’s the other person’s responsibility. Friendship is a two-way street.”​—Melinda, 19.

DEAD END 2: Desperation

The challenge. Some people are so desperate to fit in that they fall into the wrong crowd​—thinking that any friends are better than no friends. “I used to be so sad that I wasn’t in the popular group at school that I would almost wish I would get in trouble just to be accepted by them,” says 15-year-old René.

What the Bible says. “He that is having dealings with the stupid ones will fare badly”​—or, as the Contemporary English Version renders it, “you hurt yourself by going around with fools.” (Proverbs 13:20) Don’t misunderstand, the “stupid ones” or “fools” referred to in that verse may not be literally ignorant. On the contrary, they could be straight-A students. But if they have little regard for Bible standards, then in God’s eyes they’re fools. And you’ll only hurt yourself by being like a chameleon, changing your colors to blend in with them.​—1 Corinthians 15:33.

“Not just anyone is good to hang around with. You don’t want friends who make you feel that you have to change who you are when you’re around them. You want friends who truly love you and who will be there for you.”​—Paula, 21.

Take the Initiative

Don’t wait for others to walk up to you and invite you into their circle. “We can’t always expect people to reach out to us,” says 21-year-old Gene. “We need to reach out to others.” The following are two suggestions to help you do that:

Look outside your age group. Evidently, the Bible characters Jonathan and David were about 30 years apart in age, and yet they became “best friends.”b (1 Samuel 18:1, CEV) The lesson? It’s possible to fit in with adults! Think about it, Why limit yourself to one age group and then complain that you can’t find friends? That would be like starving to death on a desert island when there are fish swimming all around you! The fact is, there are good people around with whom you can fit in. And one way to find them is to look outside your age bracket.

“My mother encouraged me to try talking with older ones in the congregation. She said I’d be surprised to learn how much I had in common with them. She was right, and I now have many friends!”​—Helena, 20.

Develop conversational skills. Making conversation takes effort​—especially if you’re shy. But you can do it. The key is to (1) listen, (2) ask questions, and (3) show genuine concern.

“I try to be a listener rather than a talker. And when I talk, I try not to talk about myself or put others in a negative light.”​—Serena, 18.

“If a person wants to talk about something that I’m not familiar with, I’ll ask him to explain things, which will hopefully make him talk to me even more.”​—Jared, 21.

Perhaps you’re reserved by nature, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to turn into an extrovert! But if you feel that you don’t fit in with others, try out the suggestions in this article. You might come to feel the way Leah does. “I’m a shy person,” she says, “so I have to push myself to converse. But to make friends, you have to be friendly. So I’ve started talking.”

More articles from the “Young People Ask” series can be found at the Web site www.watchtower.org/​ype

[Footnotes]

[Box/​Pictures on page 19]

WHAT YOUR PEERS SAY

“I try to talk to at least one person I have not thought to talk to at a Christian meeting. I have found that a friendship can be sparked from a simple greeting!”

“It was easy for me to sit back and say that other people didn’t like me and that I had no chance of fitting in with them. What took real effort was to do something about it. In the end, taking the initiative pays off, and it helps build character.”

“I slowly eased my way into adults’ conversations. It was very awkward at first! But it ended up working to my benefit, because at a young age, I made lifelong friends who are always there for me.”

[Pictures]

Lauren

Reyon

Carissa

[Box on page 20]

WHY NOT ASK YOUR PARENTS?

Did you have problems fitting in when you were my age? What group of people was most difficult for you to fit in with? How did you deal with the situation?

․․․․․

[Diagram on page 20]

(For fully formatted text, see publication)

THE VICIOUS CIRCLE OF LONELINESS

I am LONELY, which makes me feel . . .

. . . like an OUTCAST, which makes me . . .

. . . RETREAT, which makes me feel that . . .

How I Changed My Violent Ways

As told by Jose Antonio Nebrera

WHAT makes a man turn to violence? I learned a lot about violence by being exposed to it as a child. My father was a member of the Spanish civil guard, a regiment that meted out strict discipline. His own father had whipped him often, and my father followed the family tradition. He regularly used his thick belt to give me a thrashing. Making matters worse, he would repeatedly call me stupid, while he doted on my younger sister. My mother, who feared the wrath of my father, did little to alleviate my frustration at this unfair treatment or to give me the affection I needed.

While I was at school with other children, I would create my own world of make-believe, where my life seemed much happier. And to onlookers, I probably appeared to be a cheerful, optimistic child. But it was all superficial. I just covered up my feelings of fear and anger. Reality returned at the end of each day as I slowly walked home, dreading yet more insults​—or another beating.

At the age of 13, I escaped from this loveless environment by enrolling in a Jesuit boarding school. For a time, I considered becoming a priest. But life in the school did little to give my life meaning. We had to rise at five o’clock in the morning for a cold shower. Then our entire day was spent in a rigid program of study, prayers, and church services, with only brief rest periods.

Although we students had to read the stories of the “saints,” the Bible was not a part of our studies. The only available Bible was kept in a glass case, and we had to get special permission to read it.

During my third year at the boarding school, sessions of self-flagellation​—“spiritual exercises”—​became a part of the stern routine. I tried gulping down large amounts of food to make myself sick so that I could escape this ordeal. But this proved unsuccessful. After nearly three years, I could stand no more. I fled the Jesuit school and made my way home. I was 16 years old.

In Search of Adventure

Back at home, I took up boxing and wrestling. Success at these violent sports made me feel that I was somebody, but my physical prowess encouraged me to use brute force to get my way, just as my father had.

When I was 19, however, something happened to bring some tenderness into my life. I met Encarnita, who nine months later became my wife. She saw only my courteous, kind, and happy exterior. She had no idea of the hurt that was simmering inside me. This inner bitterness soon manifested itself when I was called up for military service not long after our first child was born.

Partly to avoid a military-style haircut and partly to seek a life of adventure, I impulsively volunteered for the Spanish Foreign Legion. I had visions of finding freedom in the Moroccan desert and participating in daring special operations. Besides, this seemed to offer a way to escape from my family responsibilities. In the end, though, it just brought out the worst in me.

I soon got into trouble with a huge, brutish sergeant who took delight in mistreating new recruits. I hated injustice, and I was not averse to fighting for what I thought was right. During the roll call one morning, I made a joke that the sergeant misinterpreted. When he raised his arm to strike me, I quickly twisted it and wrestled him to the floor. I kept his hand pinned to the ground, fearing that if I let him go he would use his pistol to shoot me.

That incident led to three months in a punishment platoon. I found myself living in a small bare room with about 30 men. During the entire time, I could not even change my clothes. Our platoon had a sadistic sergeant who took delight in whipping the men. But on one occasion when I threatened to kill him if he touched me, he reduced my punishment from 30 lashes to 3. I had learned to become as tough as my tormentors.

Undercover Missions

During my training in the foreign legion, I rashly volunteered for even more “adventure.” Once more, I knew nothing about where this step would lead me. I received commando-style training, which included handling all sorts of weapons and explosives. For completion of the course, I was sent to Langley, Virginia, in the United States, where I trained with CIA operatives.

Before long, I was a member of an undercover commando group. During the 1960’s, I participated in dozens of secret missions. I helped carry out operations against drug traffickers and arms smugglers in Central and South America. When we encountered these people, we were instructed to “liquidate” them. I am ashamed to say that I personally took part in such operations. We never took prisoners, apart from those who could be interrogated for information.

I was later assigned to spy on Spanish military leaders for the purpose of discovering those who had misgivings about the dictatorship of General Franco. We also spied on opposers of the Franco regime who were living in France. The intention was to kidnap key dissidents and take them to Spain, presumably for the purpose of eliminating them.

My final operation required me to organize a team of mercenary soldiers to pull off a coup d’état in a small African country. We were instructed to storm the military barracks in the capital and then take over the president’s palace. As planned, we invaded the country in the middle of the night and completed our task in just four hours. Three of my companions died in the fighting, along with dozens of “enemy” soldiers. I myself participated in this killing.

This traumatic experience tormented my conscience. I could not sleep because I had constant nightmares in which I found myself slaughtering my enemies in hand-to-hand combat. In my nightmares, I saw the petrified stares of the individuals I was about to kill.

I resolved that I would never participate in another mission. So I returned all my documentation to the military and obtained a discharge. However, three months later my superiors summoned me again for further espionage. I fled to Switzerland, and several months later, my wife, Encarnita​—who was completely unaware of my work as a secret agent—​joined me in Basel.

Bad Habits Die Hard

During the three years I served in the military, Encarnita had started to study the Bible in Spain with Jehovah’s Witnesses. She told me that she had discovered the truth about God, and her enthusiasm was contagious. We quickly contacted the Witnesses in Switzerland and began to study the Bible together.

I was thrilled to learn about God’s purposes. Although I wanted to conform my life to Bible principles, making changes proved difficult​—especially with regard to my aggressive personality. Still, I loved my newfound faith. After a few months of studying, I insisted that I was ready to share in the house-to-house ministry of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

With Jehovah’s help, I eventually learned self-control, and in time, Encarnita and I got baptized. At the age of 29, I was appointed to serve as an overseer in the congregation.

In 1975 we decided to return to Spain. But the military had not forgotten me, and I was summoned to collaborate in another special mission. To avoid problems, I soon fled to Switzerland again. Our family lived there until 1996, when we finally went back to Spain.

I now have a married son and daughter and two grandchildren, all of whom are serving Jehovah. Furthermore, over the years, I have been able to help some 16 people get to know Jehovah, including one young man who had formerly been involved in violent street protests in northern Spain. This has brought me enormous satisfaction.

I have repeatedly prayed to God to help me both reject my violent past and get relief from my recurring nightmares. In my struggle to do what is right, I have heeded the advice of Psalm 37:5: “Roll upon Jehovah your way, and rely upon him, and he himself will act.” Jehovah has kept this promise. He has helped me to overcome my violent ways. This has been a huge blessing for me and for my family.

[Picture on page 21]

When I enrolled in a Jesuit boarding school at 13 years of age

[Picture on page 23]

Leaving the foreign legion office after I was discharged in 1968

[Picture on page 23]

With my wife, Encarnita, today

“I Couldn’t Put It Down!”

● Youths from around the world have expressed their appreciation for the book Questions Young People Ask​—Answers That Work, Volume 2.a Consider some examples:

“I appreciate the fact that the book promotes communication with our parents. I put the suggestions into practice, and now I can say that communication between me and my parents has improved.”​—Roberto, Mexico.

“Once I started reading the book, I couldn’t put it down! I like the ‘Action Plan!’ near the end of each chapter and the ‘My Journal’ page at the end of each section. This book has helped me to stand up for my beliefs at school.”​—Joelah, United States.

“The more I read, the more I was moved. I was impressed with the quotes of so many young people, as well as the ‘Did You Know?’ and ‘Tip’ boxes. This book makes it clear to me that the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses is interested in young people!”​—Hui-won, South Korea.

“Of all the books published by Jehovah’s Witnesses, this is the one I find the most pleasure in reading. You know exactly what goes on in the minds of teenagers and the problems they face in the family, at school, and with friends.”​—Shana, Canada.

“Every time my parents argued, I would go to my room and cry. But after reading chapter 24, ‘What Should I Do if My Parents Argue?,’ I was able to talk to my mother and father about it. They were surprised to find out that their arguments were affecting me so deeply. They read the chapter too. Now they understand my feelings better, and their arguing has become rare.”​—Mariana, Czech Republic.

“The ‘Role Model’ pages have touched me deeply and have helped me to work on my weak points. For example, it is difficult for me to get better acquainted with people I really don’t know in the Christian congregation. But page 97 tells how Lydia got to know Paul and his companions better by extending hospitality. I now try to imitate her example.”​—Mónika, Hungary.

[Footnote]

[Box/​Picture on page 25]

“SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE​—WHY IT IS WRONG”

Katrina, a 16-year-old girl in the United States, was assigned to give an oral report for her speech class on a subject of her choice. Making good use of the book Questions Young People Ask​—Answers That Work, Volume 2, she chose the topic “Sex Before Marriage—​Why It Is Wrong.” Her parents relate: “In her report Katrina defined the word ‘abstinence,’ explained the risks of premarital sex, and outlined the harmful consequences of breaking God’s moral standards. Katrina also read quotes from the book, showing how some young ones felt after violating God’s standards. Then she opened up the discussion to the class for questions, which she was able to answer. After her presentation, Katrina’s teacher gave her a note which read, in part: ‘Thank you for speaking truth and for bringing light into a dark world. Stay strong in the faith.’”

Was It Designed?

The Sandcastle Worm’s Glue

● Surgeons repair broken bones with the help of pins, plates, and screws, but those tools are too cumbersome for use on smaller bone fragments. Until recently, researchers were baffled about how to develop an adhesive that could solidify in the wet environment of the human body. They found a possible solution by studying the sandcastle worm!

Consider: The sandcastle worm makes its tubular underwater home out of particles of sand and shell. Each particle is bonded to the next with a dab of glue that is manufactured by a gland in the worm’s thorax. This glue is superior to currently used man-made adhesives. It contains a unique set of proteins that when combined cause the glue to solidify under water​—and quickly! The sandcastle worm has been called a master mason, and for good reason. Russell Stewart, of the University of Utah, says that this little animal has solved “complicated adhesion problems.”

Researchers have made synthetic versions of the sandcastle worm’s glue that have even greater strength than the original. The glue that is finally used in operating rooms will also have to be biodegradable so that when used to mend broken bones, the glue will dissolve as the bone heals. If this glue proves useful in humans, it will be a medical breakthrough.

What do you think? Did the sandcastle worm’s unique glue come about by chance? Or was it designed?

[Picture on page 26]

Researchers hope to repair broken bones without using metal pieces

[Picture Credit Line on page 26]

Sandcastle worm: © Peter J. Bryant, University of California, Irvine

Watching the World

“More than half of Russians think bribing officials is the best way to ‘solve problems.’”​—REUTERS NEWS SERVICE, RUSSIA.

“A survey showed 17.5 percent of Chinese adults are suffering from mental disorders . . . Women are more likely to suffer from mood disorders and anxiety disorders than men.”​—CHINA DAILY, CHINA.

“At least 28% of all traffic crashes in the U.S.​—or 1.6 million crashes each year—​are caused by drivers using cell phones or sending/​reading text messages, according to new estimates by the National Safety Council.”​—UC BERKELEY WELLNESS LETTER, U.S.A.

“An Uncomfortable History”

“The Report of the Commission to Inquire Into Child Abuse reveals an uncomfortable history of Ireland,” says The Irish Times. According to the newspaper, this report uncovers a history stained by the systematic abuse of children in Catholic religious institutions, ranging from “beating children whose crime it was that lice had infested their heads” to sustained sexual abuse. The abuse was ignored because of misguided loyalty to “the absolute authority of the Catholic Church,” says the paper. “Shame on You, Government and Church,” said a headline in the Times, quoting the words of one who sympathized with the victims.

Water on the Moon

Scientists who crashed a two-stage rocket into the moon’s surface say that they detected water in the plume of dust created. The cloud was examined by spectrometers​—instruments that analyze the composition of materials by isolating the wavelengths of light that they absorb or emit. “We’re unlocking the mysteries of our nearest neighbor and by extension the solar system,” stated Michael Wargo, chief lunar scientist at NASA headquarters in Washington, D.C. More recently, a moon probe revealed that there are millions of tons of water at the moon’s north pole.

Gold Bars From a Vending Machine

In several places around the world, gold bars can now be added to the long list of products available from vending machines. For example, a hotel in Abu Dhabi, in the United Arab Emirates, has installed a machine that dispenses 320 items, including gold bars with a weight of up to 0.322 troy ounce (10 g) and customized gold coins. Gold prices are updated every ten minutes, using a computerized link to international markets. At first, the machine accepted only local currency, but a credit-card option was planned. The location for this initiative was chosen “because of the region’s high demand for gold,” says a Reuters report.

The Bible’s Viewpoint

Is God Omnipresent?

MANY people believe that God is omnipresent, meaning that he is literally everywhere and in everything. Wise King Solomon made this request to Jehovah in prayer: “May you yourself hear from the heavens, your established place of dwelling.” (1 Kings 8:30, 39) According to the Bible, then, Jehovah God has a place of dwelling. Solomon referred to that place as “the heavens.” But what does that mean?

The Bible sometimes uses the words “heaven” and “heavens” to refer to the physical realm surrounding the earth. (Genesis 2:1, 4) However, since God created all things, his dwelling place must have existed before he formed the material universe. Hence, God must exist in a realm that is not bound by material things. Therefore, when the Bible speaks of heaven as the dwelling place of Jehovah God, it is referring, not to a location in the sky or in outer space, but to a spirit realm.

A Stunning Vision

The Bible provides us with a captivating glimpse of Jehovah’s dwelling place through a vision that was given to the apostle John. In that vision, John saw an opened door in the heavens and then heard a voice say to him: “Come on up here.”​—Revelation 4:1.

Next, John was presented with a stunning vision of Jehovah God himself. In part, this is what he saw: “A throne was in its position in heaven . . . The one seated is, in appearance, like a jasper stone and a precious red-colored stone, and round about the throne there is a rainbow like an emerald in appearance. . . . Out of the throne there are proceeding lightnings and voices and thunders . . . And before the throne there is, as it were, a glassy sea like crystal.”​—Revelation 4:2-6.

Here is a vivid description of Jehovah’s resplendent beauty and incomparable magnificence. And notice the environment that surrounds Jehovah’s throne. The rainbow suggests serenity and peace. The lightnings, voices, and thunders emphasize God’s power. The glassy sea draws attention to the clean standing of all those in God’s presence.

Although the imagery presented here is symbolic, it tells us much about God’s dwelling place. Jehovah maintains perfect order in heaven. His dwelling place is not in chaos.

In All Places at All Times?

The fact that Jehovah has a place of dwelling indicates that he is not in all places at all times. How, then, can he be aware of what is happening? (2 Chronicles 6:39) One way is through his holy spirit, or active force. The psalmist wrote: “Where can I go from your spirit, and where can I run away from your face? If I should ascend to heaven, there you would be; and if I should spread out my couch in Sheol, look! you would be there.”​—Psalm 139:7-10.

To understand the pervasive effect of God’s holy spirit, picture the sun. It is at a specific location but distributes energy to a vast portion of the earth. Similarly, Jehovah God has a place of dwelling. But he can perform whatever his will is anywhere in the universe. Furthermore, Jehovah can use his holy spirit to perceive what is happening anywhere and at any time. Thus, 2 Chronicles 16:9 states: “As regards Jehovah, his eyes are roving about through all the earth to show his strength in behalf of those whose heart is complete toward him.”

God also has under his control an organization of spirit creatures called angels. The Bible indicates that those spirits may number into the hundreds of millions​—perhaps billions or more.a (Daniel 7:10) The Bible record contains numerous instances where angels acted as God’s representatives and came to earth, spoke to humans, and reported back to God. For example, in the days of Abraham, angels investigated a cry of complaint about Sodom and Gomorrah. God decided to destroy those cities, evidently after receiving the report from those angels.​—Genesis 18:20, 21, 33; 19:1, 13.

The Bible therefore indicates that there is no need for Jehovah God literally to be everywhere. Through the operation of his holy spirit and through his angelic forces, he is able to be fully aware of what is happening with regard to his creation.

Clearly, the Bible can help us to get better acquainted with our Creator. In it we learn that God lives in an established place called heaven, a spirit realm outside the physical heavens. With him, there are myriads of mighty spirit creatures who also reside in the spirit realm. And his abode is characterized by serenity, power, and purity. The Bible assures us that in due time mankind will enjoy on earth peaceful conditions such as those that exist in the heavens.​—Matthew 6:10.

[Footnote]

HAVE YOU WONDERED?

● Is God everywhere?​—1 Kings 8:30, 39.

● How far-reaching is God’s spirit?​—Psalm 139:7-10.

[Blurb on page 29]

The sun is in a fixed location, but its energy can be felt over a vast area. Similarly, God has a place of dwelling, but his holy spirit can be felt anywhere in the universe that he chooses

For Family Review

What Is Wrong With This Picture?

Read Esther 5:9–6:14. What three features of this drawing are incorrect? Write your answers on the lines below, and complete the picture by coloring it.

1. ․․․․․

2. ․․․․․

3. ․․․․․

FOR DISCUSSION:

Why did Haman hate Mordecai?

Clue: Read Esther 5:9.

Pride led Haman to what wrong conclusion?

Clue: Read Esther 6:6.

What happened to Haman?

Clue: Read Esther 7:9, 10.

How can you avoid being like Haman?

Clue: Read Proverbs 16:18, 19; James 4:6.

FAMILY ACTIVITY:

Read the Bible account together. If possible, have one person read the part of the narrator, a second the part of Haman, a third the part of Zeresh and the attendants, and a fourth the part of the king.

Collect and Learn

Cut out, fold in half, and save

BIBLE CARD 4 ESTHER

QUESTIONS

A. Esther replaced what queen?

B. Complete the Bible’s statement: “Esther was continually gaining . . .”

C. Fill in the blanks. Esther’s Hebrew name was ․․․․․, and her older cousin ․․․․․ became her guardian.

[Chart]

4026 B.C.E. Adam created

Lived circa 400’s B.C.E.

1 C.E.

98 C.E. Last Bible book written

[Map]

Esther lived in Shushan, a city of the Medo-Persian Empire

MEDIA

Shushan

PERSIA

ESTHER

PROFILE

An orphan who became queen of Persian King Ahasuerus. Esther risked her life to report a plot formed to destroy the Jews. (Esther 4:11, 15, 16) Her courage, tact, and submissive spirit proved more important than her physical beauty.​—Esther 2:7; 1 Peter 3:1-5.

ANSWERS

A. Vashti.​—Esther 1:12; 2:16, 17.

B. “. . . favor in the eyes of everyone seeing her.”​—Esther 2:15.

C. Hadassah (meaning Myrtle), Mordecai​—Esther 2:7.

Peoples and Lands

4. My name is You-Jin. I am 7 years old, and I live in Korea, which is in Asia. About how many of Jehovah’s Witnesses live in Korea? Is it 9,700, 37,900, or 96,600?

5. Which dot shows where I live? Circle it, draw a dot where you live, and see how close you are to Korea.

A

B

C

D

Children’s Picture Search

Can you find these pictures in this issue? In your own words, describe what is happening in each picture.

● Answers to pages 30 and 31 on page 15

ANSWERS TO PAGES 30 AND 31

1. Mordecai should be riding on the king’s horse, not in a chariot.

2. Mordecai should be wearing the king’s royal apparel, not a common robe.

3. Mordecai rode in the public square of the city, not outside the walls.

4. 96,600.

5. D.

Jesus “Takes Away the Sin of the World”

● John the Baptizer stated that Jesus “takes away the sin of the world.” (John 1:29) This drew attention to Jesus’ role in saving obedient mankind.

Why, though, did Jesus have to die to save sinners? What did he achieve by willingly giving up his life? Who benefits from his death? What can it mean for you?

Each year, Jehovah’s Witnesses gather to commemorate Jesus’ death on its anniversary. This year, the anniversary falls on Sunday, April 17, after sundown.

Jehovah’s Witnesses warmly invite you to meet with them to examine the significance of Jesus’ death. The Bible’s answers to the above questions will be considered.

You may attend at a location nearest to your home. Please check with Jehovah’s Witnesses locally for the exact time and place.