February 8

Page Two

The Challenge of Caring for Aged Parents 3-10

More and more people have to take care of aging parents. How can this be done successfully?

Toying With Immorality​—What’s the Harm? 16

What behavior is improper toward the opposite sex?

What Kind of Divorcing Does God Hate? 20

Is there any kind of divorce that God permits?

[Picture Credit Line on page 2]

Historic Costume in Pictures/​Dover Publications, Inc., New York

Caring for Aged Parents

“I WAS up day and night, but I still felt that it was a privilege.” That was how one woman described caring for her elderly mother. For this woman, and many others, caring for aging parents is a positive experience.

It is also becoming a more common experience. The fastest growing age group in the United States is said to be the 75-​plus category. In 1900, fewer than one million Americans were 75 or older. By 1980 almost ten million were over 75. Older people are living longer, and about a third of those 85 or older need regular assistance.

While caregiving can be a rewarding experience, it is not without stress. If one or both of your parents are aged and in need of your care, you may find certain aspects difficult. Just watching them decline in health surely causes you pain. And if you receive little or no help from other family members, then you are left with the bulk of the caregiving.

You may also discover that no matter how old you are, you never feel grown-​up around your parents. Their tendency may be to treat you like a child, and your tendency may be to respond like one. Lack of emotional support from friends can add a stressful element to your caregiving.

Nevertheless, the challenges of caregiving need not interfere with your maintaining a close relationship with your parents. The Scriptures clearly direct adults “to practice godly devotion in their own household and to keep paying a due compensation to their parents and grandparents, for this is acceptable in God’s sight.” On the other hand, he that “chases a mother away is a son acting shamefully and disgracefully.”​—1 Timothy 5:4; Proverbs 19:26.

Godly devotion expressed through caregiving can be an enriching experience. But first, you must know what your parents actually need from you in the way of help. The following articles may assist you in identifying and meeting those needs. And while these articles focus on what can be done in the home, it is understood that in some cases, because of very poor health or advanced age, a parent may require professional help, such as that found in a nursing home.

Assessing Your Parents’ Needs

TO BE of true help to your aging parents, you must learn what their needs and preferences are. Otherwise you may​—with good intentions—​extend provisions and services that your parents do not need and do not want, though they may be reluctant to tell you that. Then your relationship, based on misunderstandings, would be unnecessarily stressful not only for you but for your parents as well.

What Do They Really Want?

Believing that it will someday become necessary to move her parents in with her, a woman arranges for that move right away. Later she discovers that her parents are quite capable of living in their own home​—and would be happier that way!

Having brought his parents in to live with him, a son says: “You are not going to pay money to live in my house! Not after all you’ve done for me!” However, this makes his parents feel overly dependent. Eventually they tell him that they would prefer the dignity of contributing in some way.

A family provides every minor service for their aging parents to ensure that they are comfortable and not burdened with physical exertion. Later they discover that their parents want to do more for themselves.

In each of the above examples, the services performed were both unneeded and unwanted by the parents. This can easily happen if a well-​meaning son or daughter is motivated by an exaggerated sense of duty or if there is a lack of understanding as to the parents’ actual needs. Think of the unnecessary stress this produces for all concerned. The solution, of course, is to obtain an assessment of your parents’ actual needs and wants.

Do your parents really need to move into your home at this point? Do they even want to? It may surprise you to learn that some older persons desire to live as independently as possible. For fear of sounding unappreciative, they may hesitate to express to their children that they would prefer to live by themselves in their own home, despite some inconveniences. They may love their children and long to spend time with them. But be dependent on their children? No, they may prefer to do things for themselves.

Perhaps someday it will be necessary to move your parents into your home. However, if that time has not yet arrived, and if they honestly prefer to live by themselves, why refuse them these years of independence? Would some home adjustments or a regularly scheduled phone call or visit enable them to continue living in their own home? They may feel happier in their own home, making their own daily decisions.

One caregiver explained her own haste in taking her mother in: “When my dad died, we took my mother in, feeling sorry for her. As it turned out, she lived for 22 more years. Instead of selling her house, she could have continued living in it. Never be hasty in deciding what steps should be taken. A decision like that, once made, is hard to reverse.”​—Compare Matthew 6:34.

‘But,’ you may object, ‘what if something happened to one of my parents while living in their own home? If Mom or Dad fell and got hurt, I’d never forgive myself!’ This is a valid concern, especially if your parents’ strength or health has declined to the point that there is real danger of an accident. If that is not the case, though, ask yourself whether your concern is for your parents or for yourself, that is, to protect yourself from inappropriate guilt.

Consider too the possibility that your parents would be better off in their own home. In the book You and Your Aging Parents, Edith M. Stern and Dr. Mabel Ross state: “Studies have shown that old folks stay younger and more truly alive in their own homes than elsewhere. In short, many misguided attempts to make declining years easy succeed only in making the decline more rapid.” So, help your parents live as independently as possible, while providing the care and services that they actually need. You should also make a periodic reassessment and readjust as your parents’ needs increase or even decrease.

Be Sensitive

Given your parents’ health and circumstances, it may be that bringing them into your home is the best option after all. If so, be sensitive to the possibility that they prefer to do as much for themselves as possible. Like people of any age, they likely wish to have their own identity, their own schedule of activities, and their own set of friends. This can be healthy. While it will be enjoyable to do some things together as an extended family, it may be good for you to reserve some activities for just your immediate family and to allow your parents their own activities as well. One caregiver wisely pointed out: “Make sure your parents have familiar pieces of furniture and photographs that are special to them.”

In endeavoring to discern your parents’ real needs, talk to them. Listen to their concerns and be sensitive to what they may be trying to tell you. Explain to them what you can and cannot do for them so that they will not be hurt by false expectations. “Have a clear understanding as to what is to be expected from all in the family,” recommended one caregiver. “Have frequent discussions to avoid hard feelings and built-​up resentments.” If you make any long-​term promises (“I’ll call you every Monday afternoon”; “I’ll take you out every weekend”), you may want to make it clear that you would like to try it for a certain period of time and see how it works. That way, if it proves to be impractical, the door is already open for reassessment.

None of the above should be taken as reasons to deprive one’s parents of the honor and assistance due them. The Creator’s position on the subject is explicit. Adult children owe their parents respect, care, and support. Jesus condemned the self-​righteous Pharisees for twisting scriptures to excuse the neglect of parents. The graphic words at Proverbs 30:17 reveal the disgust that God feels toward those who disrespect their parents: “The eye that holds a father in derision and that despises obedience to a mother​—the ravens of the torrent valley will pick it out and the sons of the eagle will eat it up.”​—See Mark 7:9-13; 1 Timothy 5:4, 8.

As you give needed assistance to your parents, you may also face new pressures. How can you cope with these? The next article will offer some suggestions.

[Pictures on page 5]

A parent may enjoy independent activities with friends as well as with family

Caregiving​—Coping With Day-​to-​Day Pressures

IF CAREGIVING causes you some pressures, especially ones you had not anticipated, you may be inclined to feel guilty. You might wonder: ‘Is there something wrong in my relationship with my parents? Don’t adults in many cultures live happily with their parents all their lives?’

Well, your situation may be different. Your parents may have moved into your home after 20, 30, 40, or more years of their living apart from you. This means that you and your parents formed life-​styles and habits independently of one another for the greater part of your lives. In the course of several decades, those life-​styles and habits may have become very different. But now, as a caregiver, you are confronted with the need to blend your life harmoniously with those in your care. This can be more difficult than if you had been living together all along.

Too, some parents may be quite ill or in other ways need more special care. Although, commendably, you may be supplying what is required and see no present need to put your parents in a nursing home, this situation understandably puts day-​to-​day pressures on all of you. Caring for your parents is natural. Growing old and getting sick is not. The Creator never purposed that people lose their strength and health with age. Therefore, do not think there is something wrong with you because the situation requires more, emotionally and physically, than you had foreseen.​—Genesis 1:26-31; Psalm 90:10.

Pressures related to caregiving do not necessarily reflect a poor relationship between you and your parents. Especially if you enjoyed a good relationship with them before they needed your help, it is likely that any difficulties you experience are the result of the challenges that caregiving can present. How can you effectively deal with the day-​to-​day pressures?

Dealing With Guilt Feelings

Even persons who are doing all they can and should for their parents sometimes feel guilty about not doing more. Inappropriate guilt, however, can be a problem. You can find yourself making decisions that are designed to relieve your guilt but are not necessarily in the best interests of you or your parents. For example, what would happen if, to alleviate her feelings of inappropriate guilt, a woman became absorbed in caregiving to the neglect of her own husband and children? She, her husband, and her children would suffer the consequences. So do not let inappropriate guilt control your life.

Do you sometimes feel guilty because it seems that you can never do enough for your parents? It is possible, then, that your parents’ needs exceed what you are able to provide. The situation may be such that, no matter what you do, there is always more that could be done. Furthermore, if you view caregiving as a means of repaying your parents for all that they did in your behalf while you were growing up in their care, you will always feel guilty, because you simply cannot fully repay them.

The book You and Your Aging Parents points out the need to decide how much you will do for your parents. It says: “You will save yourself a great deal of wear and tear if you base [your decisions] primarily not on what you would like to do or even what you should do, but what you can do.”

Yes, determine realistically what you can expect of yourself. It might help if you enlist the aid of a trusted friend who knows your abilities, your limitations, and your family situation. Can you take your parents into your home? Do you have sufficient space? Will they agree to move in? If your parents do not live with you, how often can you visit them, and when? If you do what you can, there is no need to feel guilty. If you feel guilty anyway, recognize the feeling as inappropriate and refuse to let it govern your decisions.

Share the Load

The Bible book of Ecclesiastes points out how unhealthy it is to be “wicked overmuch” or “righteous overmuch” and that being righteous overmuch can “cause desolation to yourself.” (Ecclesiastes 7:16-18) This can happen if you are trying to accomplish more than you want to do, can do, and even should do.

If you already had a full schedule before starting to care for your parents, you must eliminate some other activities or get help. Yet, many who need help hesitate to ask. They may feel too timid or claim that others are unwilling to assist. However, you do yourself and everyone around you a disservice if you wear yourself down. In her book on caregiving, author E. Jane Mall calls such overfunctioning the “martyr syndrome.” She advises: “You should have a priority calendar, and three of your priorities should be time with your [spouse], time with your children and friends, and time for yourself.”

Yes, you may need to share the load. So where can you go for help? Family, friends, neighbors, and professionals can be of assistance. But you have to ask for the help. And you must ask directly. Hints don’t always work. You may be surprised who and how many are willing to assist if you make your needs clearly known, your requests definite. For example, you might ask someone to help you clean the house. If that would give you some needed relief, then this is no time to insist on cleaning the house yourself because ‘nobody else will do it right.’

If you have brothers or sisters, they also share the responsibility of caring for their parents. Perhaps you have done all or most of the caregiving up to now, believing that your brothers and sisters are unable or unwilling. However, have you directly requested their assistance? Some people will respond positively​—if it is made clear to them that help is needed.

Some monopolize the care of a parent in an attempt to gain or to maintain parental approval. Or they may gain a feeling of piety by taking on the whole job themselves. They may complain that others will not assist with the caregiving, but they may also send out signals to show that they prefer it that way. This can be a form of being righteous overmuch. But why bring unnecessary hardships on yourself? If help is available, ask for it, and use it.

A word of caution: Do not expect that your brothers and sisters will share the responsibilities equally with you. While at times it may be possible for them to do so, often their own circumstances make that difficult, if not impossible. In many cases it is more practical for one family member to be the primary caregiver, while other family members, particularly brothers and sisters, contribute financially and by phoning, visiting, or occasionally taking their parents home or on weekend trips.

Close Living

Living in close quarters can give rise to small irritations. Habits that you would easily excuse in a friend may seem intolerable in a close family member.

Additionally, your parent may say something like, ‘I wish you could spend more time with me, but I know you’re too busy for that.’ The message may hide the belief that you really don’t care enough about your parent. You could respond to such a statement with annoyance. Rather than becoming annoyed, would it not be better to address your parent’s real underlying concern, that of spending more time with you? Even if you cannot grant the request, kindly explaining matters will yield better results than a hurtful reply.​—Proverbs 12:18.

Earnest effort at cultivating the qualities encouraged in the Bible will enable you to remain kind but firm when necessary. The Bible book of Colossians realistically acknowledges that we sometimes have “cause for complaint against another.” It directs us to “continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely.” It also exhorts us to clothe ourselves with “the tender affections of compassion, kindness, lowliness of mind, mildness, and long-​suffering.” (Colossians 3:12-14) Certainly such qualities will go a long way to minimize the irritations of close living.

Even then if you occasionally slip, lose patience, and say something you wish you hadn’t, “let the sun not set with you in a provoked state.” Apologize quickly, and put the matter behind you. Do not allow it to become another source of guilt feelings.​—Ephesians 4:26, 27.

Retaining Privacy

If you and your parents live in the same home, you may find privacy difficult. Yet, you and your parents need a measure of it. You might talk this problem over with them and arrive at an understanding that certain times and places are private for you or your immediate family. For instance, for some families, but not all, a closed door with a do-​not-​disturb sign might be mutually understood as indicating a private area or time for the person inside.

If the room does not have a door, a portable screen or a partition could serve the same purpose. A tactful reminder might be in order if needed privacy is unexpectedly interrupted. The point is, one another’s need for privacy should be respected by all in the family.

A Privilege

Remember that although any decline in your parents’ health causes you pain, our Creator, Jehovah, wants us to experience a measure of joy even when we undergo trialsome circumstances. This work may also help you draw closer to Jehovah as you prayerfully lean on him. One caregiver expressed it this way: “I was always close to Jehovah, but caregiving taught me total reliance on him. It was like the difference between a long-​distance phone call and having the person there with you. Jehovah was right there with me.”

Caregiving is a privilege as well as a duty. Stay in touch with your parents so as to know their needs. Provide for them, and maintain joy in doing so.​—Philippians 4:4-7; 1 Peter 5:7.

[Box on page 7]

Making Caregiving Pleasant

1. What parents generally want from their adult children is quality contact. This requires drawing close to your parents and revealing important aspects of yourself. This can be difficult in a parent/​adult-​child relationship. Any judgmental attitudes on either side will stand in the way. Such attitudes need to be set aside to achieve intimacy.

2. If one of your parents is telling you of a problem or a concern, listen empathetically. Answers that minimize their feelings can intensify negative feelings such as: ‘Oh, it’s not as bad as all that’ or, ‘I know, the same things happen to me.’ You will be more effective if you try to identify your parent’s underlying feelings, then acknowledge and share these (‘Sounds like a hard time for you right now, but we’ll work through it together’).​—Proverbs 20:5.

3. If you are the spouse of the primary caregiver, be physically and emotionally supportive. Communicate with your mate; otherwise misunderstandings will develop. A mate’s support makes a big difference. One woman lamented that the lack of support from her family was “harder to deal with than actually caring for [her] mother.” On the other hand, she deeply appreciated the help of a friend who relieved her on occasion. She said: “It touched my heart when she offered. That was so endearing to me, and it drew me closer to her.”

[Box on page 10]

If You Are Receiving Care

It may be that you are on the receiving end of caregiving. What can you do to help maintain a balanced and peaceful relationship with your children?

Some parents make the mistake of trying to gain control by nagging, prying, or inducing guilt. You likely know that this only results in less control and more stress. Results are better when you show your adult children that you respect them, their privacy, and their viewpoints, even when you do not agree. Regularly commending your children is effective. One adult offspring stated: “A child wants his parents’ approval no matter what age he is.”

In such a climate of love and respect, communicate your needs to your children. Hints and implications often do more harm than good, so be direct, but kind. Even if you and your children do not agree on a point, your tactfulness will make for a close and honest relationship free of misunderstandings.

[Pictures on page 8, 9]

In caring for your parents, also make time for your mate, your children, and yourself

My Escape to the Truth

When I began studying the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses, I was an escaped convict. I soon faced the challenge of how to stop lying and start telling the truth.

IT WAS November 1974, and I was before the superior court of Pender County, North Carolina, U.S.A. The charges included armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, and speeding 90 miles per hour in a 35-​mile-​per-​hour zone. The following month, when I was only 22, I was convicted of all charges and sentenced to 30 years in the North Carolina Department of Corrections.

I had grown up in Newark, New Jersey. Although my father was a police officer, I was always causing problems for my parents. I spent time in detention homes, youth houses, and once was even locked up in the very precinct where my father worked. I’ll never forget the beating he gave me that night! It was enough to make almost any other teenager change his ways​—but not me.

I ran away from home, spending nights with a friend or staying out on the street. Eventually I wound up in jail again. Against my father’s wishes, Mom got me out. My folks, who had five other children, decided that perhaps the military was what I needed.

I enlisted in the army, and the various training programs did make a difference in my behavior for a while. But then I got hooked on drugs, becoming a heroin addict. I was stationed at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, and it wasn’t long before my buddies and I were going from town to town taking what we needed to support our habits. Stories about our robberies were in the papers and on TV.

Soon the authorities caught up with me, and I was given the 30-​year sentence mentioned at the outset. In prison I fought the rules and regulations for years but eventually realized I was only hurting myself. So I tried obeying the rules in hopes of receiving minimum custody and gaining parole.

Following ten years in prison, I received minimum custody, and not long after that, I was placed on the work release program. This meant that I could leave the prison in the morning and return in the evening on my own. One day I failed to return immediately after work, and I was taken off the program. However, I still was permitted to enjoy minimum custody.

After I was in prison almost 11 years, my chances of getting out on parole didn’t look very promising. One hot morning in August 1985, while I was outside prison, an opportunity presented itself to escape​—to run away without detection. I made my way to the home of a friend who had spent time with me in prison. After I had a night’s rest and a change of clothes, he drove me to Washington, D.C., a distance of about 250 miles.

I resolved never to go back to prison, which meant that I needed to avoid any further criminal activity. At first I took day-​to-​day labor, anything I could get. Then I landed a job working for an electric company. In time, I managed to get a birth certificate with a different name​—Derek Majette. My name, place of birth, background, family​—everything about me was now a lie. I felt I was safe as long as nobody knew. I lived this way for three years in and around Washington, D.C.

Meeting Jehovah’s Witnesses

One evening, two neatly dressed young men came to my apartment. They spoke to me about the Bible, left a book, and promised to return. However, I moved to another apartment and never saw them again. Then, one morning before work, I stopped at a place for coffee and met two women who asked me if I would be interested in the Watchtower magazine. I accepted one, and each morning afterward these women would see me and talk about the Bible.

Although the conversations were always short, my interest in what the women were saying grew to the point that I looked forward each morning to seeing these women, Cynthia and Jeanette. In time I got to know other Witnesses of Jehovah who were preaching early in the morning. They invited me to attend a meeting at the Kingdom Hall. I was apprehensive, but I accepted.

As I sat listening to the talk that afternoon, it was the first time I heard scriptures explained in such an understandable way. I stayed for the Bible study using The Watchtower and discovered that I could participate by answering questions. I made my first comment, and after the meeting I agreed to have a Bible study with one of the congregation elders.

I was soon progressing in knowledge of the Bible. And more important, I was appreciating the truths I was learning. No longer was I comfortable with my life. I began feeling guilty about the lies I told these people who were now my friends. I continued to study, thinking that I could get by as long as no one knew the truth about me. But then my Bible teacher began to talk about sharing in the house-​to-​house ministry.

About that time something happened that let me know that sharing in the ministry, or in any such activity, would be out of the question unless I did something about my situation. I was putting gas in my car when someone came up behind me and locked my arms behind my back. Fear swept over me! I thought the authorities had finally caught up with me. What a relief when it turned out to be a former prison buddy! Not knowing I had escaped, he kept calling me by my real name and asking all sorts of questions.

I hadn’t been that scared since the day of my escape. But then it hit me. Suppose I was in the house-​to-​house ministry and someone came to the door who knew my true identity? How could I go out in Jehovah’s service and speak the truth when I was living a lie? What was I to do? Keep studying and living a lie, or stop studying and move? It was so confusing that I had to get away for a while and think.

Making a Decision

I took a trip. The long peaceful drive was just what I needed in order to relax, think, and ask Jehovah to help me decide what to do. It wasn’t until I was on the road back to Washington, D.C., that I made my decision​—stop lying and just tell the truth. But it wasn’t that easy to do. Since I had got to know Cynthia quite well, I confided in her. She made it clear that I had to set matters straight before Jehovah. She suggested that I talk to the congregation elders.

I knew she was right, and I agreed. But since I wasn’t sure what I would have to do legally, I called a local lawyer and explained my situation. He advised me to get in touch with a lawyer in North Carolina, since he would know the procedures for that state. So I took a trip south to get information about a lawyer.

When I arrived in Raleigh, North Carolina, I drove to the prison, which is located on one of the main streets. I stopped, and just sat and looked at the tall barbed-​wire fence, the armed guards in the gun towers, and the prisoners walking around inside the fence. I had been such a prisoner for 11 long years! This wasn’t an easy decision.

Nevertheless, I picked up a phone book and chose a lawyer. I called and gave him the same information I had given the first lawyer I talked to. He didn’t ask a lot of questions. He just told me what his fee was and that when I was ready that I should call and he would set up an appointment. When I returned to Washington, D.C., I went straight to my Bible teacher.

He, his wife, and their daughter were like family to me. So the night I went to their house, it took a while before I could get the words out. But when I did, I felt relieved. They, to say the least, were astounded. Yet, when they recovered from the shock, they were very sympathetic and supportive.

The next thing I needed to do was to get money for the lawyer’s fee and decide when to turn myself in. I settled on March 1, 1989, which was only a few weeks away. I wanted to quit work and enjoy my last days of freedom, but I couldn’t because I needed money to pay the lawyer.

It struck me as ironic that I had escaped from prison and now I was saving money to go back. At times the thought came to mind of just forgetting about it all and leaving. But all too soon, March 1 came. My teacher and another one of his Bible students accompanied me to Raleigh. We went to the lawyer’s office and discussed the charges that I had been sent to prison for, the length of my sentence, and why I was willing to turn myself in. The lawyer then called the magistrate’s office for information on where I was to go. He learned that the magistrate could take me back to prison immediately.

I had not planned on going back so soon. I had thought we were just going to talk with the lawyer and that I would turn myself in the next day. But now, with the decision made, the four of us drove quietly to the prison. I remember thinking to myself, ‘Is this really happening?’ The next thing I knew, we were at the front gates and listening to the lawyer explain to the guard who I was.

Back in Prison

When the gates opened, I knew it was time to say good-​bye. My lawyer and I shook hands. Then my teacher, my fellow student, and I embraced. As soon as I was on the other side of the gate, I was handcuffed and escorted to a place where my personal clothes were taken in exchange for a prison uniform. I received the prison number 21052-​OS, the same one I had before.

The prison was a minimum-​security unit, so within the hour I was taken to maximum security. I was only allowed to keep my Bible and the book You Can Live Forever in Paradise on Earth. I was placed among a prison population where I recognized men I had known throughout the years. They assumed I had got caught, but when I explained that I had come back on my own because I wanted to be one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, they all said it was the dumbest thing they had ever heard.

One of the last things my teacher had said to me was: “Never stop studying.” So, much of my time was spent reading the Bible, my Live Forever book, and writing letters to friends back home who knew what had happened to me. Among the Witnesses that I wrote to were Jerome and his wife, Arlene. My letter was brief, just some words of thanks and expressions of how I felt about the time I spent while in the company of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

I soon heard from Jerome who asked permission to use my letter in a talk that he was going to give at a circuit assembly of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I agreed but had no idea of the consequences. Only a few Witnesses knew about my background. So, what a surprise for many when, after Jerome read my letter and announced my real name, Brian E. Garner, he said, “Alias Derek Majette!” Then it was my turn to be surprised. Letters of encouragement began pouring in from brothers and sisters​—not only from those in the Petworth Congregation where I had attended meetings but from persons in other congregations as well.

I was soon transferred from Central Prison to a medium-​custody unit in Lillington, North Carolina. As soon as I got settled, I inquired about religious services. To my delight I learned meetings were being conducted by Jehovah’s Witnesses every Wednesday evening in the prison schoolrooms. I will never forget the love shown, the support given, and the efforts made to help not only me but anyone who wanted to learn Bible truths in that prison. After learning that I had studied before, one of the elders who conducted meetings at the prison immediately picked up studying with me where I had left off.

Consideration for Parole

Several months passed, and then came word that I was to meet with the parole board. Although I had escaped and had just recently returned, the law required that I be brought before the parole board for review or at least receive word that they had considered my case. I let my friends know that I would be coming up for parole. Again letters began pouring in, not to me, but to the parole board.

In October 1989, I received word from the parole board that my case was to be reviewed. I was excited. But on the day the board members were to come, no one showed up. Nor was there word as to when they would be coming. I was very disappointed, but I didn’t let up in my prayers to Jehovah. A few weeks later, on November 8, two other men and I were informed that the members of the parole board were at the prison and that I would be called on first.

As I entered the office, I noticed two folders filled with papers. One was my file dating back to 1974. I wasn’t sure what the other contained. After discussing with me some of the things concerning my case, a member of the parole board opened the other folder. In it were dozens of letters written in my behalf. The committee wanted to know how I had got to know so many people after I had escaped from prison. So I briefly related my experience with Jehovah’s Witnesses. Then I was asked to step outside.

Freedom and a New Life

When I was called back, I was informed the board had voted in favor of “Immediate Conditional Release.” I was beside myself with joy. After just nine months in prison, I was to be freed! It took a while for the paperwork to be processed, so on November 22, 1989, I walked​—I didn’t have to run this time—​out of prison.

On October 27, 1990, less than a year after my release, I symbolized my dedication to Jehovah God by water baptism. I am now happily serving Jehovah in Washington, D.C., as a ministerial servant. On June 27, 1992, Cynthia Adams and I were united in marriage.

I thank Jehovah, my wife and her family, and all the brothers and sisters who helped me to be a part of such a loving worldwide organization.​—As told by Brian E. Garner.

[Picture on page 13]

The prison where I spent 11 long years

[Picture on page 15]

With my wife, Cynthia

Young People Ask . . .

Toying With Immorality​—What’s the Harm?

“One day my boyfriend came over when my mother wasn’t home, supposedly just to watch TV,” recalls Laura.a “At first he just held my hand. Then all of a sudden, his hands started to wander. I was afraid to tell him to stop; I thought he would get upset and want to leave.”

LAURA and her boyfriend thus started down a path that led deeper and deeper into misconduct. Passionate kissing gave way to yet graver improprieties. Few in today’s world, though, would frown on such conduct. Why, surveys show that the vast majority of youths in the United States have had sex relations by the time they are 19! Heavy kissing and even the fondling of intimate areas of the body are viewed as little more than a harmless pastime. Some youths boast about how far they have gone in their sexual explorations.

Sad to say, some Christian youths have got involved in such misbehavior. They evidently suppose that as long as they do not go “all the way,” no harm is being done.

Spiritual Damage

Nothing could be further from the truth. The Bible condemns those who take liberties with the opposite sex. What some might brush off as “harmless” petting may amount to what the Bible calls uncleanness, loose conduct, or even fornication. These are serious wrongs that could lead to expulsion from the Christian congregation.​—Galatians 5:19, 21.

Toying with sexual immorality is therefore not something to be taken lightly. It is a “defilement of flesh and spirit”​—something that could seriously damage your relationship with God. (2 Corinthians 7:1) Ultimately, it can even cause your mind to be “corrupted away from the sincerity and the chastity that are due the Christ.” (2 Corinthians 11:3) A youth that is led into unclean conduct, or who leads someone else into it, simply cannot show Christian “love out of a clean heart and out of a good conscience and out of faith without hypocrisy.”​—1 Timothy 1:5, 19.

One who goes too far in displays of affection can suffer emotional harm. This is because, as an article in Seventeen magazine reminds us, “the different ways people can touch each other . . . can be just as intimate and intense as intercourse is.” So whereas kissing and petting may be physically exciting, girls in particular may find that the experience leaves them feeling empty and hollow emotionally. The Journal of Marriage and the Family notes: “Women report feelings of fear, guilt, anxiety, embarrassment, and even disgust.”

Is It Love?

Consider the Bible’s account in Proverbs chapter 7, which tells of the seduction of a young man by a prostitute. That immoral woman told the young man: “Do come, let us drink our fill of love until the morning; do let us enjoy each other with love expressions.” The idea of being loved no doubt sounded attractive to this youth. But in reality the prostitute “misled him by the abundance of her persuasiveness. By the smoothness of her lips she [seduced] him.” No, she had no real love for the young man; he was merely a customer. She exploited him to the limit.​—Proverbs 7:18-21.

In a similar way, many youths today​—especially girls—​are exploited. Girls in particular usually have to be persuaded into crossing the bounds of propriety. According to the book The Compleat Courtship by Nancy Van Pelt, “one study revealed that the most prevalent line used [by boys] is: ‘If you love me, you’ll let me.’” The author notes that males have used this line “since the beginning of time.”

But is someone who would draw you into behavior that is unclean and condemned by Almighty God really showing you love? Not according to God’s Word. That book reminds us that true “love . . . does not behave indecently.” (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5) Writer Nancy Van Pelt asks: “If he does get what he wants, what proof will you have that he loves you when it is all over? More likely he used you.”​—Compare 2 Samuel 13:15.

When a boy pressures a girl into violating her Christian training and conscience, he makes a mockery of any claim that he genuinely loves her. And if the boy professes to be a Christian, he makes a mockery of his professed Christianity. A girl that gives in to this intimidation is exploited, used, cheapened. Worse, she has committed an unclean act, perhaps even fornication, which is a gross violation of God’s law.​—1 Corinthians 6:9, 10.

True, some girls are willing participants. But mutual agreement to do something wrong hardly makes it right. “There exists a way that is upright before a man, but the ways of death are the end of it afterward,” says Proverbs 14:12.

Relationship Damaged

Some may feel that physical expressions of affection enhance a relationship. However, taking improper sexual liberties does not deepen a relationship. It cheapens it. At the very least, it tears down mutual respect and trust. “I had bad feelings toward the guy afterward,” admits one girl who engaged in unclean conduct.

Lack of restraint in courtship can continue to have a negative effect even after a couple get married. Self-​control, patience, and unselfishness are the foundation of a satisfying sexual relationship in marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:3, 4) But during courtship, some couples establish a pattern of giving in to selfish desire, throwing restraint to the wind, and ignoring each other’s feelings. This can get marriage off to an ominously bad start.

When passionate kissing and touching begin, meaningful communication usually halts. Needed confidential talk​—about goals, aspirations, and feelings—​is replaced by mindless, passion-​arousing behavior. Warns Proverbs 15:22: “There is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk.” Having failed to lay a solid foundation for marriage in courtship, many couples suffer great frustration and guilt when they finally do wed.

Deaden Wrong Desire

Another point to consider is the Bible principle at Colossians 3:5: “Deaden, therefore, your body members that are upon the earth as respects fornication, uncleanness, sexual appetite, hurtful desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” Rather than alleviating “hurtful desire,” kissing and petting only serve to whip it up. A young man named Jack confesses what took place with his fiancée: “At first it was merely kissing. But next it became passionate kissing and heavy petting, once even to the point of our almost committing fornication. I knew that what we were doing wasn’t right according to Jehovah’s standards.”

A youth named Vera, who likewise got involved in such misbehavior, admits that kissing and petting made her want to “have sex relations.” Sometimes that is exactly what happens. The Bible shows that sin has a hardening effect on one’s conscience. (Hebrews 3:13) As one becomes accustomed to taking improper liberties, badness can escalate. One sexual advance leads to yet another. “Before you know it,” confesses Laura (mentioned at the outset), “you’re involved in heavy petting. And it’s only moments later that you’re involved in fornication. That’s what happened to me.”

Sad to say, the same has happened to countless other youths. An ancient proverb warns: “Can a man rake together fire into his bosom and yet his very garments not be burned?” (Proverbs 6:27) The answer is obvious. And for Christian youths, they should take seriously God’s warning: “Do not be misled: God is not one to be mocked. For whatever a man is sowing, this he will also reap.”​—Galatians 6:7.

Furthermore, God’s Word declares: “No fornicator or unclean person or greedy person​—which means being an idolater—​has any inheritance in the kingdom of the Christ and of God.” (Ephesians 5:5) Thus, toying with immorality has serious consequences and can even cost a Christian his or her hope for eternal life in God’s new world.​—Revelation 22:15.

[Footnotes]

[Blurb on page 18]

Taking improper sexual liberties cheapens a relationship

[Picture on page 17]

Wholesome group activities help you to avoid compromising situations

Crossword Puzzle

Clues Across

1. If this is exercised, all are treated fairly (See Proverbs 24:23.)

7. The rock where this Midianite prince was executed came to bear his name (Judges 7:25)

8. One was not permitted to stay alive in Israel (Exodus 22:18, King James Version)

11. Son of Ham, and most likely one from whom the dark-​complexioned branch of the human family descended (Genesis 10:6)

12. The ancient Egyptians were particularly noted for their use of these (See Ezekiel 27:7.)

14. One of four rivers that had their source in Eden (Genesis 2:14)

15. “--- has fallen! Babylon the great has fallen” (Revelation 14:8)

16. A seaman (See Jonah 1:5.)

18. A son of Micah and descendant of King Saul (1 Chronicles 9:41)

20. According to the proverb, the one that was bathed returned to “rolling in the mire” (2 Peter 2:22)

22. This outstanding prophet is credited with writing Judges and Ruth (Acts 3:24)

25. One of King David’s 37 most valiant fighters (2 Samuel 23:27)

29. The number of wives an overseer is allowed (1 Timothy 3:2)

31. Jesus is said to have learned this “from the things he suffered” (Hebrews 5:8)

32. ‘Sitting under your own’ became proverbial of peace and security (1 Kings 4:25)

33. Men of this city twice revealed fugitive David’s whereabouts to Saul (1 Samuel 23:19)

34. Condition (Nahum 1:12)

37. His son Shaphat was one of the 12 spies sent out by Moses (Numbers 13:5)

38. Jehovah’s law prohibited moving one back [2 words] (Deuteronomy 27:17)

Clues Down

1. David’s sixth son, born to his wife Eglah (2 Samuel 3:5)

2. An animal’s foot (Daniel 6:27)

3. Go to ruin (Proverbs 10:7)

4. Edible insect (Leviticus 11:22)

5. The initial Hebrew letter in the Tetragrammaton

6. A great-​grandson of High Priest Aaron (1 Chronicles 6:50)

9. One of David’s mighty men (1 Chronicles 11:31)

10. Those who show intense enmity and loathing (Psalm 120:6)

13. God decreed that, for the Israelites, the month of Nisan should be the start of it (Exodus 12:2)

15. Located in the temple courtyard, it was where the priests would wash (2 Chronicles 4:6)

17. First of the few faithful kings of Judah (1 Kings 15:11)

19. Jesus said it was “the lamp of the body” (Matthew 6:22)

21. God divided them by means of an expanse (Genesis 1:6)

22. A secretary of King David (1 Chronicles 18:16)

23. The city where Nabal and Abigail resided (1 Samuel 25:2)

24. She was given this name later in life because of the prospect of motherhood (Genesis 3:20)

26. Something that happens (Exodus 18:16)

27. The male of a small variety of deer (Deuteronomy 14:5)

28. A city of Simeon (1 Chronicles 4:32)

30. A Judean site in the Shephelah (Joshua 15:43)

35. One or another (Daniel 5:7)

36. His son Shimei was one of 12 deputies who provided food for Solomon and his household (1 Kings 4:18)

Crossword Solutions Page 27

Solutions Across

1. IMPARTIALITY

7. OREB

8. WITCH

11. CUSH

12. DYES

14. EUPHRATES

15. SHE

16. MARINER

18. TAHREA

20. SOW

22. SAMUEL

25. ABIEZER

29. ONE

31. OBEDIENCE

32. VINE

33. ZIPH

34. STATE

37. HORI

38. BOUNDARY MARK

Solutions Down

1. ITHREAM

2. PAW

3. ROT

4. LOCUST

5. YOHDH

6. ABISHUA

9. ITHAI

10. HATERS

13. YEAR

15. SEA

17. ASA

19. EYE

21. WATERS

22. SHAVSHA

23. MAON

24. EVE

26. EVENT

27. ROEBUCK

28. TOCHEN

30. NEZIB

35. ANY

36. ELA

The Bible’s Viewpoint

What Kind of Divorcing Does God Hate?

“THE problems that went along with my divorce were many,” wrote one Christian woman whose husband had been unfaithful. “The adjustment period isn’t an easy time. I had to adjust not only mentally but financially and spiritually as well. I wondered if Jehovah would bless my decision, knowing that the Scriptures say that he hates divorce. This was a constant worry.”

When a marriage ends, the complications do not. A whole new set of problems suddenly arise. The feelings​—depression, loneliness, and guilt—​that surface out of nowhere. The custody battles to contend with. A son or a daughter crying out for Mommy or Daddy. The financial difficulties that exert pressure. Trying to cope with the desire for the intimacies that only marriage allows.

Then there is God’s view to think about. The Bible says that God ‘hates a divorcing.’ (Malachi 2:16) Do these words mean that God hates all divorcing? Does a Christian, therefore, need to feel guilty for seeking a divorce when a mate has been unfaithful? For the answers, let us look at the circumstances in Malachi’s day that prompted God to say that he hates divorce.

“You Must Not Deal Treacherously”

Malachi prophesied after 443 B.C.E., almost a century after the Jewish exiles returned from Babylon. Deplorable conditions had developed in Judah, especially among the priests. (Malachi 2:7-9) Practices such as lying, adultery, fraud, and oppression were prevalent among the Israelites in general. (Malachi 3:5) These conditions provoked so much skepticism that some concluded: “It is of no value to serve God.”​—Malachi 3:14.

The religious and moral decay in Malachi’s day was reflected also in a declining respect for marriage. Many Israelite men were divorcing the wives of their youth, perhaps in order to marry younger pagan women. The altar of Jehovah became covered with the tears of the rejected wives who came to the sanctuary to weep and sigh before God.​—Malachi 2:13-15.

How did Jehovah God feel about such divorcing? Through Malachi he warned: “‘You people must guard yourselves respecting your spirit, and with the wife of your youth may no one deal treacherously. For he has hated a divorcing,’ Jehovah the God of Israel has said . . . ‘And you must guard yourselves respecting your spirit, and you must not deal treacherously.’” (Malachi 2:15, 16) According to the Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, the Hebrew word rendered ‘deal treacherously’ means “deal deceitfully, (deal) unfaithfully.” At Psalm 59:5, a participle form of this verb is rendered “traitors.”

Against such a background, we can better understand the words at Malachi 2:16: “He has hated a divorcing.” Jehovah hates the kind of divorcing that involves the frivolous putting away of one mate in order to take another. For example, a man who commits adultery and then divorces his innocent mate against her wishes or pressures her to divorce him so that he can marry someone else would indeed be dealing treacherously with his wife. This deceitful, faithless treatment of an innocent mate is a heinous sin in God’s eyes. A man who takes the best years of a woman’s life and then puts her away, perhaps in favor of a younger woman, is indeed a traitor.a

What, though, about an innocent mate who chooses to divorce a spouse who has committed adultery? Does God hate such divorces too?

God’s Own Example

Can God really know what it feels like to be faced with the decision of whether to divorce an adulterous mate or not? Symbolically speaking, Jehovah considered himself married to the ancient nation of Israel by means of his covenant with them. (Isaiah 54:1, 5, 6; 62:1-6; Jeremiah 31:31, 32) As a husband, Jehovah was ever faithful, never turning his affections to other nations. (Psalm 147:19, 20; Amos 3:1, 2) But what about Israel? What kind of wife did the nation prove to be?

As a whole the nation repeatedly proved unfaithful to the covenant, eventually reaching the state described in the prayer recorded at Daniel 9:5, 6: “We have sinned and done wrong and acted wickedly and rebelled; and there has been a turning aside from your commandments and from your judicial decisions. And we have not listened to your servants the prophets, who have spoken in your name to our kings, our princes and our forefathers and to all the people of the land.” In Jehovah’s eyes, such unfaithfulness was tantamount to a wife’s committing adultery.​—Jeremiah 3:1.

After centuries of patience and long-​suffering, what did Jehovah do? By taking strong judicial action, casting first the northern tribes then the southern tribes out of their land into exile, Jehovah, in effect, divorced himself from the nation. (Jeremiah 3:8; Daniel 9:11, 12) So in view of his own example, how could Jehovah God hate it when an innocent mate chooses to divorce a spouse who has been unfaithful to the marriage vow?

Marriage is a sacred arrangement in God’s eyes, and those who enter it should not take lightly the vow they have made. (Hebrews 13:4) But if one’s mate is unfaithful to the vow by committing “fornication,” God grants the innocent one the right to decide whether to forgive or to seek a divorce. (Matthew 19:9) That is a difficult decision, one that the innocent mate alone must make. Should the innocent one decide to end the marriage, he or she need not feel guilty for seeking a divorce. Remember that Jehovah hates, not all divorcing, but the kind of divorcing that involves the unscriptural putting away of one mate in order to take another.b

[Footnotes]

[Picture Credit Line on page 20]

Historic Costume in Pictures/​Dover Publications, Inc., New York

Sapporo’s Festival of Snow and Ice

By Awake! correspondent in Japan

DURING the long winter months, Sapporo, a northern city of Japan, lies buried in snow. For five to six months of the year, there was little for the citizens to do in the way of leisure activities until the city fathers put their heads together and hit upon an idea: a snow festival featuring huge snow statues.

In 1950, high school students were helped to build six statues, ranging from 10 to 13 feet [3-4 m] in height. About 50,000 people came to see the icy “Venus de Milo” and other statues. Yuki Matsuri, or Snow Festival, was off to a good start.

Through the years the festival has grown in size and popularity. Each year now, some two million tourists, including many from foreign countries, come to gaze wide-​eyed at the hundreds of sculptures of ice and snow. This seven-​day nonreligious winter extravaganza has become the largest of its kind in all Japan.

A Stroll Through the Festival

Of the three festival sites, Ōdori Park is the main one. This former winter snow dump runs for 11 city blocks through the heart of Sapporo. Here and at Makomanai, a short distance away, can be seen the spectacular larger carvings. Children are awed by the bigger-​than-​life-​size characters from their favorite television shows and comic books. There is the space-​age marvel Ultraman that little boys like to imitate. And nearby is Chibi Maruko-​chan with her friends, children featured in a popular television cartoon.

Adults too are amazed. An exceptionally well-​done Paris Opera House, complete with ornately engraved walls and even statues of musicians on the roof, commands attention. There is the old German Diet House, a baroque-​style snow building. The huge Arabian Castle featuring Aladdin and his ‘magic lamp’ is easy to identify.

Somewhat dwarfed by the larger sculptures are the carvings in the Citizens Square, many of which carry a special message. A carving of the Brandenburg Gate stands as a reminder of the recent unification of Germany. Some of the carvings reflect concern for the earth, its ecology, and animals.

At the end of Ōdori Park we find International Square where teams from many countries compete with one another. Some of the sculptors are professionals who normally work with marble, stone, and other materials. They were each provided with a 10-​foot [3 m] cube of prehardened snow and given three days to complete their entries.

But how are the immense sculptures created, and how do the sculptors get such amazing accuracy of detail?

How the Snow Sculptures Are Made

Building such a colossus is no easy task. In a single project, the actual building may take close to a month, involving over 1,500 man-​days. One large entry was a replica of the Flinders Street Station, Melbourne, Australia. Its dimensions were 115 feet [35 m] long by 115 feet [35 m] wide by 50 feet [15 m] high. It took 1,400 five-​ton truckloads to haul the 7,000 tons of snow used in it. No wonder that since 1955 the bulk of the job of making the behemoths has gone to the self-​defense forces, joined later by fire-​department trainees. Let us see how they go about building such grandiose pieces of snow art.

First, the subject has to be selected. Information and pictures are gathered. Based on this, models are made out of clay, papier-mâché, or other materials. Then, about a month before the festival, clean snow is gathered and transported to the construction site. There it is unloaded, tamped into a huge wooden frame and hardened with water. Next the frame is removed, the scaffolding is erected, and the carving is started in earnest.

Often working through the night when temperatures are well below freezing, craftsmen use axes and shovels for the rough work and smaller carving tools for the details.

Individuals and small groups can also get in on the fun. About a third of the hundreds of applicants from all over the country selected by a drawing are provided with guidelines from a special team of experts. Each applicant is given a seven-​foot [2 m] cube of hardened snow and five days to finish his creation.

Fascinating Attractions

The pure-​ice carvings add yet another beautiful dimension to the festival. These are made mostly by members of the Ice Carvers Union. Many are chefs from well-​known hotels who normally display their talents in banquet rooms. They are eager to come to Sapporo, and the results are delightful.

Musical performances and shows add to the festive mood. There are contests, marching bands, dancing, acrobatic ski jumping, and much more. The children are also delighted with the many ice slides, which are provided for their enjoyment and built right into the carvings.

Nighttime is a particularly good time to view the festival. Myriads of tiny white light bulbs strung from the bare tree branches in the park, together with the many colorful lights reflecting off the glistening statues, create an impressive aura of light and color in the winter wonderland. After seeing the festival, you would be impressed with what man’s God-​endowed fertile imagination and skillful hands can accomplish.

[Pictures on page 23]

Immense ice sculptures like the one below may be 115 feet [35 m] wide and 50 feet [15 m] high, requiring some 7,000 tons of snow to build

How Happy Is City Life?

AFFLICTED mankind in today’s cities seek happiness in a number of ways. Cities such as Bombay, Bangkok, Monte Carlo, San Francisco, and Dallas try to provide it. In many ways they do. But are any of the world’s cities a source of lasting joy?

Make-​Believe Versus Reality

Early in this century, Hollywood became the motion-​picture capital of the world. So it may be surprising to learn that India produces perhaps as many as 800 films a year. “India’s masses are hooked on films,” notes the German magazine Geo, calling their addiction “almost like a religion.” It adds: “Nowhere else does the movie theater so clearly serve as a substitute world for the congregated millions who find success and riches, happiness and justice only on the silver screen.”

Although about half of India’s films are produced in Madras on the east coast, its film industry got its start on the west coast. In 1896, French brothers Auguste and Louis Lumière, inventors of a commercially viable projector, presented their first film hit at Bombay’s Watson Hotel.

Bombay was a small village when Portuguese traders took control of it in 1534. Britain’s King Charles II married a Portuguese princess in 1661, and the village was given to him as a wedding gift. In 1668 it came into the control of the East India Company, and soon Bombay became India’s chief western seaport.

One encyclopedia says that “the natural beauty of Bombay is unsurpassed by that of any city in the region.” In view of its beautiful setting and in keeping with the make-​believe world of Indian films it has helped to create​—a mixture of music, dance, and love—​Bombay should be a city of joy.

But Bombay has one of the highest population densities in the world. Crowded conditions mar the city’s beautiful surroundings and bring little happiness to the many thousands who live in shantytowns “without running water or sanitation” and who are forced to use “nearby rivers and open spaces as toilets.”​—5000 Days to Save the Planet.

Bombay also has a number of religions. But rather than joy resulting, there have been severe religious riots in India. In just the past two years, these have taken hundreds of lives in Bombay alone.

All That Glitters Is Not Gold

San Francisco is also a city of natural beauty. It is noted for its hills, for one of the finest natural harbors in the world, and for its bridges, including the Golden Gate spanning the entrance to the harbor. Few visitors go away unimpressed.

In 1835 Yerba Buena was founded, and in 1847 it was renamed San Francisco. One year later gold was discovered nearby, and the California gold rush began. A village of just a few hundred quickly became a frontier boomtown. But it had its setbacks, such as the devastating earthquake and fire of 1906.

Contributing to San Francisco’s popularity is its international flair. It has within its boundaries, notes The European, “separate worlds far removed in both atmosphere and appearance.” Several national groups represent Europe and Asia, such as one of the largest Chinese communities outside of Asia. Spanish-​speaking residents point up the city’s origins by way of Mexico.

Recently, several hundred tourist experts voted San Francisco their “dream city,” praising its “unique mixture of friendliness, elegance and tolerance.” A journalist elaborated: “If one thing characterizes Northern California and the city in which I live, it is tolerance for all manner of human behavior that confounds and enrages folks in other parts of the country.”

Its Bohemian traits have often made headlines. In the 1960’s many watched uneasily as long-​haired, untidy flower children paid honor to “love” and “peace” before descending into the ugly culture of drugs and promiscuity. And the city has one of the largest homosexual communities in the country.

AIDS has hit San Francisco very hard. A German newspaper calls the epidemic the city’s “severest crisis” since the 1906 earthquake and fire, adding that its “cheerful atmosphere seems lost forever.” The city by the Golden Gate has had to face a painful truth: “Golden” life-​styles, for all their promise, have lost their glitter in the midst of heartache.

More Lose Than Win

Monte Carlo, long a playground for the rich and the elite, is the home of one of the best-​known gambling houses in the world. Since opening in 1861, its casino has been a famous stop for tourists. Several casinos cater to those who feel that winning at gambling is the way to perpetual happiness. But far more people lose at gambling than win.

Monte Carlo is located on the French Riviera in the principality of Monaco and is less than a square mile [2.5 sq km] in area. Monaco was inhabited by the Romans in ancient times. In 1297 the wealthy Grimaldi family from Italy got control. After losing its independence, first to Spain and then to France, the principality was restored under the Grimaldis in 1814.

In 1992, Rainier III, a Grimaldi descendant, expressed concern for the safety of his subjects. After noting that “forty per cent of the world’s tanker traffic goes through the Mediterranean,” he added: “It has 150 times more oil pollution than the North Sea. Eighty per cent of the sewers that border this sea discharge straight into it untreated.”

Despite problems, “no other resort,” says The European, “can so immediately evoke an image of excitement and old-​fashioned abandon simply at the mention of its name.” Contributing to this image are its casinos, its museums, its luxurious yacht club, its automobile rally​—some say the greatest of races and the most glamorous—​as well as its opera house. However, culture is not all that draws the wealthy to Monte Carlo; its tax benefits are substantial.

Yet, money and culture cannot assure lasting happiness. Charles Wells, an Englishman, actually did break the bank in Monte Carlo in 1891, but despite his ‘good luck,’ he eventually ended up in prison. And in a city noted for the thrills of auto racing and boating, it is sadly ironic that Prince Rainier’s wife, Princess Grace, died in 1982 in an auto accident and that their daughter’s husband was killed in a boat-​racing accident in 1990.

Culture Made in the United States

Although critical of America’s pop culture, many Europeans seem to adopt much of it for their own. For example, they watched with pleasure as scenes of intrigue and family scandal flickered across TV screens for several years in the series called Dallas. A German newspaper praised the series for “satisfying an emotional need” and for imparting “a sense of security, trust, and a sense of belonging.”

Time magazine was less complimentary. It noted that the program “elevated conspicuous consumption to a secular religion . . . It introduced viewers to the Greedy ’80s, by establishing as a pop icon a Texas oilman.”

The image given the city by its TV namesake is hardly what lawyer and trader John Bryan had in mind when he founded a trading post in 1841, probably naming it after George Dallas, a U.S. vice-​president. A financial, transportation, and manufacturing city​—home to more oil companies than any other U.S. city​—“Big D” is indeed wealthy.

Wealth is often equated with happiness, so people may view Dallas as being a joyful city. However, wealth does not prevent bad things from happening. Dallas is where John F. Kennedy, 35th president of the United States, was assassinated on November 22, 1963.

Big-​city crime is one of Dallas’ problems that rob people of happiness. Another is racial and cultural tension. In Dallas, as in every city with a multiracial and multicultural society, there is always the potential for violence, as race riots in Los Angeles and religious riots in Bombay demonstrate.

Strangling on Its Success

Because of its many canals, Bangkok used to be called the “Venice of the East.” Now most of the canals have been replaced by roads, and a report says that a “typical motorist spends the equivalent of 44 days a year staring at the rear bumper just ahead.”

King Rama I knew nothing of such problems when he turned a small village into a royal city in 1782, renaming it Krung Thep, meaning “City of Angels.” After the Grand Palace was built, the rest of the city was laid out around it in accordance with the Thai belief that the palace was the center of the universe. During World War II, Bangkok suffered extensive damage from bombing raids. Despite its name and its magnificent temples, there was no evidence of angelic protection.

Though it lies some 20 miles [30 km] from the Gulf of Siam, Bangkok was made into a seaport by the constant dredging of the Chao Phraya River that cuts through the city. The river often overflows its banks and floods certain parts of the city, some of which lie only two feet [0.6 m] above sea level. However, floodwaters are now detoured through a diversion channel, and this has brought a measure of relief. Another problem is that thousands of artesian wells have caused the water table to drop. Since 1984 the entire city has been sinking at the rate of four inches a year.

Bangkok’s growth to more than five million people, along with a measure of economic success, should be a cause for happiness. And annually millions of tourists visit the city and fatten its coffers. But this is partially at the expense of its reputation, for many visitors are drawn by cheap and easily available sex in Bangkok’s brothels. So the city is now known as the lust capital of the Far East.

Not even the joy from events such as Bangkok’s bicentennial celebration​—floral parades, historical exhibits, royal ceremonies, classical dances, and fireworks—​can blot out the sadness felt in this city. Bangkok, Newsweek said, is “strangling on its own economic success.”

Finding Real Joy

What do trend-​setting entertainment centers, as represented by the above cities, really have to offer? Momentary pleasure at best, not lasting happiness. Today, lasting happiness can only be achieved in conjunction with God’s spirit, of which joy is a fruit.​—Galatians 5:22.

So do not look for joy in vain, not in the film studios of Bombay, the gambling casinos of Monte Carlo, the alternate life-​styles of San Francisco, the apparant wealth of Dallas, or the sex parlors of Bangkok. In future issues, we will see where lasting joy can be found.

[Picture on page 25]

San Francisco, U.S.A.

[Picture on page 25]

Bombay, India

[Picture on page 26]

Bangkok, Thailand

Watching the World

French Gambling Addicts

Despite rising unemployment and the worsening economic climate in Europe, the French are spending more than ever on gambling and betting says the INSEE (French National Institute of Statistics and Demographic Studies). Over 70 billion francs was wagered in 1992, 16 percent more than the previous year. For many, the urge to gamble has become uncontrollable. “It’s an addiction without a drug,” says French psychiatrist Jean Ades. “With the increasing number of betting systems . . . and the constant barrage of messages from advertising and the media encouraging people to bet, more and more people are discovering they are addicted.” Gamblers are addicted “when they begin to bet above their means and disregard the financial consequences of their behaviour for themselves and their family,” reports the French newspaper Le Monde, and “gambling is one of the most difficult types of dependency to cure.” A former drug addict says: “It was easier to get off drugs than off gambling.”

Few Swedes Go to Church

A study carried out by the Swedish Institute of Public Opinion Research on behalf of the Swedish Church shows that of the over 1,000 persons who were asked if they believed in God, 47 percent answered yes. Church attendance, however, does not reflect this. Of those interviewed, only 9 percent go to Church regularly. “People do not stream to the Church until they feel an expectation that it is there that they can find what they are looking for,” says Anders Swärd, vice chairman of the Central Board of the Church of Sweden.

Deadly Reminders of World War II

Almost 50 years after the end of World War II, the German city of Hamburg still has deadly reminders of the conflict. The newspaper Süddeutsche Zeitung reports that in the 12-​month period ending in July 1993, the 23 members of the city’s Weapons Disposal Unit disposed of over 500 bombs, 2,440 shells, 97 hand grenades, 24 antitank rocket launchers, 4 antitank mines, and 328 pounds [149 kg] of loose explosives from the ground and water in Hamburg. According to estimates, there are a further 2,000 bombs in the subsoil of the city. “They will keep another two generations busy,” reported the newspaper.

No Money to Save Lives

Although pneumonia and diarrhea are curable, they kill some 7.5 million children each year, reports the news service Agence France-​Presse. Worldwide, children under five are affected with some 40 million cases of pneumonia and over a billion cases of diarrhea. However, Doctor Ralph Henderson of WHO (World Health Organization) acknowledged that these illnesses are “easy and inexpensive to treat.” Unfortunately, many of the programs planned by WHO to battle these two illnesses had to be canceled or postponed indefinitely because of financial hindrances. According to WHO, half the deaths due to diarrhea and a third of those due to pneumonia could be avoided if the money was available.

Other Uses of Wine for Mass

Recent findings show that while some 2,600,000 gallons [10,000,000 L] of wine are sold yearly for use at Mass in Italy, “sacred consumption” accounts for about only 260,000 gallons [1,000,000 L]. Why the difference? According to one expert, “the traditional secret sip of the altar boy and the sacristan alone would double the market.” “The truth is,” says Corriere della Sera, “it is multiplied ten times over at the dining tables of bishops, prelates and priests.”

New Cholera Danger

A new strain of cholera that has rapidly spread through India and Bangladesh and on into Thailand may cause the eighth global epidemic of the disease since 1817, health officials say. Warnings have been issued to countries in Asia, Africa, and Latin America. Earlier attacks from the older strains give no lasting immunity to the new one. Additionally, the new strain cannot be detected by standard laboratory testing techniques, and current vaccines are ineffective against it. “Since we cannot predict where or how rapidly this new organism will spread, countries must stay prepared indefinitely by maintaining surveillance, by assuring access to treatment and by providing clean water and adequate sewage disposal,” wrote doctors David L. Swerdlow and Allen A. Ries of the Centers for Disease Control, as reported in The Lancet. The seventh pandemic, which began in Asia in 1960, is still raging, with more than three million cases and tens of thousands of deaths.

Japan Wants Quitters

With over 60 percent of adult men smoking cigarettes, Japan has more smokers than any other industrialized nation, according to the Mainichi Daily News. Hoping that many will quit, Japan’s Health and Welfare Ministry issued a paper with the warning that smoking impairs hearing, hastens aging, and causes brain atrophy, osteoporosis, and the birth of smaller babies. Low-​tar cigarettes, it said, are useless in avoiding cardiac infarction. Quitters gain about four pounds [2 kg] in weight, but this poses no health problem. The report found that although 80 percent of smokers try to give up the habit, reducing the number of cigarettes smoked each day seldom works. The most effective way to stop is to cut out cigarettes completely, the Ministry said, and success rates can double when doctor-​supervised programs are used.

Workplace Violence

“Nurses and other health-​care workers face on-​the-​job violence almost as often as police officers,” reports The Vancouver Sun. Criminology professor Neil Boyd of Simon Fraser University conducted the study on workplace violence in British Columbia, Canada. He found the rate of risk for police officers and health-​care workers to be “four times the rate of any other occupation” and that incidents of violence have jumped 400 percent since 1982. Patients were “almost always the perpetrators of violence against health-​care workers,” the paper said, and such acts occurred most often when workers were “waking or bathing a patient.” The study cited “corrections workers, private security officers, taxi and bus drivers and retail clerks” as also facing high risks for workplace violence.

The Rocketing Yen

“In the past 22 years, the [Japanese] yen has undergone an extraordinary metamorphosis,” notes The Wall Street Journal. “It has not only rocketed 225% in value against the dollar during that time, but it has also gained a global status accorded to few currencies. . . . To grasp the change, just go to a carpet shop in Istanbul, hire a guide in Eastern Europe, or visit a department store in Sydney.” More and more merchants worldwide are accepting the yen, and some even prefer it. “To be sure, the yen has a way to go before it eclipses the dollar as the world’s key currency,” says the Journal. The dollar “remains the world’s biggest reserve currency” and “can be used in the greatest variety of financial instruments, and it remains the money of choice in the world’s black markets. But the yen is catching up fast.”

Kosher Foods Better?

Over 20,000 kosher products can be found on U.S. supermarket shelves and are being bought by many who are not religious Jews or devout Muslims (who have a similar dietary code). Why? Because people “associate the term with purity and wholesomeness,” says Tufts University Diet & Nutrition Letter. “But the kosher dietary laws, or ‘kashruth,’ were set forth to protect not the health of the body but rather of the soul, so to speak,” and “that doesn’t mean meat that passes kosher inspections is necessarily better for you than non-​kosher meat.” The Jewish food inspector looks for meat that meets the dietary standards derived from the Torah, such as the draining of blood, but he is not trained to look as thoroughly for signs of infection or disease as government inspectors are. Nor does he check sanitation standards at manufacturing plants the way the government inspectors do, but he generally checks to see that ingredients and machinery meet the kosher code, which “has nothing to do with foods’ nutritional value.”

Australia’s Aging Population

Figures recently released from Australia’s 1991 census reveal that the most significant change in the makeup of the country’s population is the growing proportion of people aged 65 and over. A comparison with the 1986 census shows that the trend is general in all states of the Commonwealth. Significantly, the “percentage of the population who were children aged 15 and under decreased from 23.3 per cent to 22.3,” noted the newspaper The Australian. According to the study, the median age for an Australian man is 31 and for a woman, 33.

From Our Readers

Loneliness I want to thank you so very much for the series “Loneliness​—What You Can Do About It.” (September 22, 1993) It came on a day when I was feeling very alone. Even though it made me cry, I feel much better having read it. I can think of several other friends of mine who will find encouragement in reading it.

B. H., United States

Even though I have desired to see such an article for some time, it came quite unexpectedly. I would like to express my heartfelt thanks for the advice it contained. Loneliness really is difficult to understand if you have not experienced it.

C. G., Italy

I am 38 years old and have experienced much loneliness, having been an only child and later going through career changes and divorce. The material was enlightening and educational. You failed to mention, however, that loneliness can lead to sexual immorality, drug abuse, and bad associations.

J. B., United States

In this particular article, we chose to focus on ways of overcoming loneliness rather than dwelling on its dangers. However, we do appreciate this observation.​—ED.

Moths and Butterflies As a person who has an interest in biology, I would like to add one point to the article “Moth or Butterfly​—How Can You Tell?” (May 8, 1993) The clearest way to distinguish at a glance between a moth and a butterfly is to observe their sitting postures. The moth sits with its wings open flat; the butterfly, with its wings folded together vertically.

Y. Y., United States

Thanks for this additional information. “The World Book Encyclopedia” says this is true of ‘most butterflies and moths.’​—ED.

Young People Ask . . . Thank you for the article “Am I Developing Normally?” (September 22, 1993) My sister is a year younger than I, and she’s very tall. Now I know I will not necessarily stay short.

C. L., United States

Thank you for the article “What About Hanging Out?” (June 22, 1993) I have never been the kind of teenager that hangs out with other youths. For this reason I felt that something was wrong with me. But the article helped me to appreciate that hanging out can get you in a lot of trouble. Cooking, drawing, writing letters, and preaching are much better ways for me to use my time.

K. R., United States

I am only 11 years old, but I thoroughly enjoyed the article “How Can I Avoid Getting AIDS?” (September 8, 1993) My mother and I talked about it together. Thank you for explaining in detail how to be safe from the AIDS virus. I thought you could get it any old way!

L. K., United States

Holocaust Museum Recently my work supervisor planned a visit to the Holocaust Memorial Museum. I gave her the May 8, 1993, article “A Holocaust Museum and Jehovah’s Witnesses” to enhance her visit. The museum circulates 500 personal experiences on handout cards. Her card had the experience of one of Jehovah’s Witnesses​—Emma Arnold. My family met the Arnolds in 1951 and had snapshots of them in a photo album. My supervisor was astounded that she got the experience not only of a Witness but of one whom my family knew! I shared with her and with others at work our photos and the experience of Sister Arnold’s son-​in-​law, Max Liebster, which appeared in The Watchtower of October 1, 1978.

J. K., United States

Does God Take Sides in Sports?

A VICTORIOUS runner kneels and gestures in a prayerful way, giving thanks for her accomplishment. Yet, we must assume that some of the other runners in the contest also prayed to God for victory​—and lost.

Two boxers kneel in opposite corners of a boxing ring before the first round of their bout. Both make the sign of the cross, a form of silent prayer to God for success. Then one knocks the other out. At other bouts, only one fighter may petition God for victory, yet he is as often the loser as not.

In team sports, groups of players may pray before, during, or even after a game. For example, during the last seconds of an American Super Bowl football game, a kicker lined up for the crucial field goal that would win the game for his team or lose it if he missed. The kicker later said: “I was praying about it.” But some of the opposing team were also praying about it​—for the opposite outcome.

Although both sides may pray, one side must lose. Even a winning team whose players prayed for victory can lose the next game. Indeed, eventually, by the end of the season, all other teams must lose, for there can be only one overall champion in a league. Yet, most of those losing teams had players who prayed for victory.

In an article entitled “Save Your Prayers, Please,” a sports columnist wrote: “Just because you rant and rave about how tight you are with God, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true. . . . In World War II, German soldiers had a phrase inscribed on their belt buckle: Gott mit uns. The translation: ‘God is with us.’” Another sportswriter observed: “God does not take sides in football games. Temporal matters like these are decided by men and women, not the Almighty.”

The apostle Peter said: “God is not partial, but in every nation the man that fears him and works righteousness is acceptable to him.” Engaging in violent sports is not ‘working righteousness.’ (Acts 10:34, 35; Romans 14:19) If God did hear the prayers of those asking for victory and a contestant was injured or even killed, would God be to blame?

God’s Word states: “No matter what it is that we ask according to his will, he hears us.” (1 John 5:14) For prayers to be answered, one must know God’s will and purposes, and one’s actions must be in harmony with such.​—Compare Matthew 6:9, 10.

No, God’s will and purposes are not connected with sports events. Thus, when prayers for victory are offered at them, is God listening? Most assuredly not.

[Picture Credit Line on page 31]

UPI/​Bettmann

It Drastically Reduced Promiscuous Sex

A counselor at a university in Oklahoma, U.S.A., reported that the book Questions Young People Ask​—Answers That Work has done the above. The counselor at Langston University wrote:

“I would advise any person that’s dealing with young people between the ages of 13-18 to use this particular book. It explains sex in a way that our students should know about in order to cope with the problems of today’s complex society. From my own experience, I found that it helps them to be knowledgeable of what happens if they are promiscuous. It acquaints them with the various sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS, venereal disease, herpes and gonorrhea.

“If you do decide to have sex, it points out how you should choose just one partner for life, and upholds the sanctity of marriage. I have really enjoyed using this book. It has an effect on the lives of those who use it. I noted that the number of young ladies in our program getting pregnant was drastically reduced after it was introduced.”

If you would like to receive a copy of Questions Young People Ask​—Answers That Work or to have a free home Bible study, please write to Watchtower, 25 Columbia Heights, Brooklyn, New York 11201, or the appropriate address on page 5.