December 8

Page Two

Each weekday morning, millions of diapered infants and yawning toddlers are dropped off at day-care centers. For many youngsters, the transition from home to day care goes smoothly.

Those used to the routine respond affectionately​—or impassively. Newer children may cry and cling to their mothers. A few reassuring words from Mom, though, usually stop the tears. If not, a day-care worker takes over the comforting because, tears or no tears, the women must get to work. And for the next ten hours, the day-care center must substitute for Mom . . .

‘Who Will Watch Our Children?’

DAY-CARE centers throughout the world are a product of the unprecedented influx of women into the job market. “The fastest-growing group in the labor market,” says day-care expert Alison Clarke-Stewart, “is mothers of preschool children, particularly children under three. This trend is pronounced and worldwide.”

Finding someone dependable to look after the children while mother works, however, may be easier said than done. Relatives rarely volunteer. Complicated networks of sitters​—formed by recruiting friends and neighbors—​often prove precarious at best and bewildering to the children. Reliable paid sitters and nannies are hard to come by​—and too expensive for most couples.

The situation is no less frustrating in developing lands. Nigerian women simply used to carry their infants on the back while working. But increasing numbers of African women have forsaken domestic or farm work for jobs in offices, stores, and factories where the strap-baby-on-the-back method is inappropriate. In times past, the women could always call upon their extended families for a handy baby-sitter. But, explains the Sunday Times of Lagos, Nigeria, “with free primary education and availability of more manual, unskilled jobs, the last residue of [relatives available] to sit babies at home went too.” Suggested this newspaper: “Well organised Day Care Centres may be the answer.”

Yes, day-care homes and centers are rapidly becoming the child-care option of choice. After all, they are generally dependable, convenient, and cheaper than a hired sitter. They allow children to associate with a group of peers. They provide nutritious meals, along with recreational and educational programs. As day-care consultant Delores Alexander told Awake!: “Day care is a support to the whole family.”

Nevertheless, some fear that the current move toward day care may have ominous implications for children. Are there legitimate reasons for such concerns? Parents need to know so that they can make an informed decision when it comes to their own children.

The Day-Care Controversy

It is a pleasant place. The playrooms are painted in cheerful colors and adorned with posters and samples of toddler art. Toys and games are neatly stacked on shelves. And the place rings with the sound of children.

“We care for about 130 children,” says Bernice Spence, the motherly woman who runs this day-care center. And just where do these children come from? “For the most part, they are the children of working parents who live nearby. Our staff? A number are certified teachers.”

A WELL-MANAGED day-care center that is staffed by caring and competent personnel does leave a fine impression. Parents feel secure when their children are cared for in such a place. Nevertheless, day-care centers are the focus of raging controversies. The reason? For one thing, quality centers are not always the norm. Some are poorly maintained, poorly managed, poorly staffed, and pack children in like luggage.

Publicly funded day care in New York City is generally of good quality. But it will cost the city $201 million in 1987​—over $4,800 per child! In lands such as Sweden, where governments have allocated generous day-care budgets, a high quality of care likewise prevails. But in the Third World, and even in some U.S. communities, public day-care funds are inadequate. The result? Children may receive inferior care.

Child Care for Sale

This is true even of for-profit day-care centers. Granted, many fine ones exist. Some centers, though, trim costs by assigning fewer caretakers to more children. Or they cut corners by hiring at rates hovering above minimum wage​—which turns away the best-trained professionals.

True, many day-care workers put up with poor pay because they simply love children. But what can happen when such commitment is lacking? Samuel and his wife found out. Together they ran a day-care center in Lagos, Nigeria​—until they felt obliged to shut it down. Samuel recalls: “Whenever my wife had to go shopping or be away for other reasons, on returning she would find that the helpers had not been caring for the children.”​—See page 6.

In the United States, profit-making centers must survive the scrutiny of licensing agencies. But reports Newsweek: “Most licensing requirements are lax, and state agencies don’t have the money or the manpower to regulate the day-care industry.”

Day-Care Homes

Similar to day-care centers are day-care homes, private homes where small groups of children are cared for. Less expensive than centers, they are immensely popular, looking after roughly three quarters of U.S. children cared for outside the home. The day-care mother is usually a parent herself.

For the child, a day-care home can offer a homelike environment, a caring woman to look after him, and the company of a small group of children. But often little is done to monitor such facilities. The Toronto Globe and Mail thus reports that the quality of day-care homes in Canada ranges from “excellent to abysmal.” Ten percent of the homes were unsafe for children.

Day Care​—How Does It Affect Children?

Because day care covers such a wide spectrum of quality, researchers have had a difficult time determining how day care really affects children. True, some day-care advocates speak quite optimistically. Says Alison Clarke-Stewart in her book Daycare: “The good news from all these studies​—in Canada, England, Sweden, Czechoslovakia, the United States—​is that care in a decent daycare facility has no apparent detrimental effects on children’s intellectual development.” Some studies even indicate that children from low-income families benefit from the intellectual stimulation of day care!

However, researchers Belsky and Steinberg caution: “To an overwhelming degree, research on day care has been conducted in university-based or university-connected centers with high staff-child ratios and well-designed programs. . . . Yet, most of the day care available to the nation’s parents is certainly not of this type and may not be of this quality.” How, then, do children in more typical day-care settings fare? Concluded Belsky and Steinberg: “We know shockingly little about the impact of day care on children.”​—The journal Child Development, Volume 49, pages 929-30.

Even less is known about the effect of day-care homes​—which do the bulk of the care giving. It appears, though, that a day-care mother may do little to stimulate a child’s intellectual and emotional growth; her concern may be little more than to feed and keep him out of mischief until mother returns. Day-care-home children are thus often found plopped in front of a TV set.

Little is also known about how day care affects the emotional bond between mother and child or to what extent children become overly attached to their care givers. Tests demonstrate, however, that given a choice between mother and day-care worker, most children still prefer mother.

The Problems of Peer Contact

One benefit of day care is that the children learn to get along better with peers. There is another side to this, however. Says a Biblical adage: “Bad associations spoil useful habits.” (1 Corinthians 15:33) Research from the United States and Europe shows that day-care children tend to be ‘more aggressive, less cooperative with adults, more self-assertive, less conforming, and less impressed by punishment than home-reared children.’

Alison Clarke-Stewart claims that such behavior really “reflects greater maturity and social competence rather than being something to worry about.” But this may be of little comfort to parents who see a formerly mild child unleash profanity, especially if those parents are endeavoring to instill Bible principles in their child.​—Ephesians 4:29.

Health Risks

Day care also involves health risks. The CDC (U.S. Centers for Disease Control) speaks of “a growing need for controlling infectious diseases that frequently affect children in day care.” The so-called day-care diseases include hepatitis A, shigellosis (a serious intestinal disorder), and Hemophilus influenzae type B (a bacterial infection). Diarrhea and fever are common symptoms. Disease is often the result of clustering small children who tend to put everything in their mouths and who are untrained in proper toilet habits.

A good center, though, takes health precautions seriously. “We teach the children to wash their hands after using their toilet,” explained day-care consultant Delores Alexander. “And we don’t accept sick children knowingly.” Added Willoughby House director Bernice Spence: “If a child becomes sick during the day, we often call the parent and tell her to take him home.” Regular medical exams of staff and children are also important precautionary measures.

Nevertheless, researcher Clarke-Stewart admits: “Children in daycare centers get more flu, rashes, colds, and coughs than children at home . . . A child’s runny nose may be a price mothers are willing to pay to have their children in a daycare center while they work.” But in view of the foregoing, it seems that day care could entail risks of greater consequence than a runny nose. What does all of this mean, then, for mothers who feel they have to work?

[Box on page 6]

Day Care and Sexual Abuse

Much publicity has recently been given to child-abuse scandals involving day-care workers. Are day-care centers havens for pedophiles and child pornographers?

Such a question evokes strong emotions from some day-care workers. “I really get angry at that,” said Bernice Spence, a day-care-center administrator. “I just hate to see day care get a bad name. Most of the people I know in day care are dedicated people​—they care about children.”

Responsible administrators, however, have taken firm steps. Awake! spoke to Doby Flowers, deputy administrator for the Agency for Child Development in New York City. Over 40,000 children are enrolled in day-care programs under her supervision. Said Miss Flowers: “We screen our day-care staffs thoroughly. We check to see if they have criminal or child-abuse records. And since 1984, all day-care workers must be fingerprinted.”

Do child abusers tend to gravitate toward day-care work? Replied Miss Flowers: “You have pedophiles in religious orders, the legal order, in education. The profile of the pedophile crosses all income, occupational, racial, and ethnic lines.” Nevertheless, as Dr. Roland Summit, a psychiatrist specializing in treating sexually abused children, puts it: “The risk of exploitation for a child increases directly as the child is removed further from the care of its biological mother.”

What, then, should parents with children in day care do? “Listen to your child!” says Doby Flowers. “Sit down and talk with your child. Watch for changes in behavior or signs of distress, such as bed-wetting or a sudden reluctance to go to day care.” Parental vigilance and education of a child are the best weapons against child abuse.​—See Awake! of January 22, 1985, “Child Molesting​—You Can Protect Your Child.”

[Picture on page 5]

How does day care affect the bond between mother and child?

Day Care​—Choosing the Best for Your Child!

THE issue of day care is complex. For many families, day care fills a real need. At the same time, disturbing questions have been raised regarding its effect upon children. Parents must therefore face the fact that day care has both positive and negative aspects, that not all day care is quality care. Serious thought must be given before placing a child in day care.

‘What’s Best for Infants?’

For example, is your child a small infant? Some experts, such as respected psychologist Burton White, strongly advise against putting infants into day care. He told Awake!: “During the first six months of life, the children who develop best are those who have a tremendous amount of attention lavished upon them; the ones who get prompt attention when they’re uncomfortable and who enjoy a lot of fun play with someone who thinks that there’s nothing more important in the world than that child!

“Once the child gets to be a crawler at six or seven months of age,” Dr. White continued, “that child now needs ready access to somebody who’s crazy about him! That’s in order to facilitate the natural learning process, to support his curiosity, to increase his enthusiasm, to do any number of things that feed into the development of a solid human being. A child does not get this support from substitute caretakers. Rarely will anyone other than a child’s parents or grandparents show such interest.”

A prophet of old asked: “Can a wife forget her suckling so that she should not pity the son of her belly?” (Isaiah 49:15) Mothers are quick to respond to a baby’s virtually nonstop demands for love and attention. But will a hired caretaker​—with several infants crying for attention—​respond the way a parent will? The Bible speaks of the way “a nursing mother cherishes her own children.” (1 Thessalonians 2:7) Though not all mothers are able to breast-feed, doing so enhances the mother-child bond. Will an infant in day care receive this nurturing?

Examining Your Priorities

Some doctors thus recommend delaying substitute care until a baby is at least four months old. Dr. White, however, suggests that infants should have “nothing but an occasional baby-sitter for the first six months of life. Afterward, no more than three to four hours a day of high-quality substitute care.”

Let’s assume that day care is not good for infants. Will not infants simply outgrow any problems resulting from it? Dr. White bristles at that notion: “That amounts to speculation. I’m not going to take chances with my kids that way, and I’m not going to recommend it for anybody else.”

Though many are inclined to reject such a strong position, Dr. White’s sentiments are hard to dismiss. Nevertheless, parents​—not researchers—​must decide what is best for them and their children, and often economic considerations prevail. So after carefully weighing all factors involved, some may still decide to utilize some form of infant child care.​—See page 10.

Some may be in a position to rethink their priorities. After all, children are infants only once. The opportunity to train a child “from infancy” passes quickly. (2 Timothy 3:15) If putting off secular work for a few years​—or simply living with less income—​is not practical, some may therefore decide to work part-time. This allows parents to remain their child’s primary caretakers.

Choosing Day Care

Can toddlers safely be placed in day care? Researchers are divided, but most agree that a child’s ability to tolerate separation from his parents increases with age. Once again, parents must decide if their child can handle day care. If so, this does not mean placing him in the first day-care home or center they find. Doby Flowers, deputy administrator of New York’s Agency for Child Development, advises: “Choose day care very carefully. What reputation does the center have in the community? Are the equipment and toys age-appropriate? Is it well cared for and clean? What are the staff’s credentials?”

Yes, the staff​—not fancy equipment or toys—​is the most important ingredient in child care. So visit several centers and homes and personally observe the way the care givers relate to children​—particularly your child. Ask: How stable is the staff? What kinds of meals are served? How many children does each worker care for? (The fewer, the better.) Do the children seem happy and at ease? Does the center or home meet local licensing and safety requirements? What is the daily routine of activities?

Knowing that you have the best child care available​—and affordable—​can do much to alleviate unnecessary guilt.

Making the Most of Day Care

Now that a suitable home or center has been found, do not simply begin dropping your child off there. Explain why he must be there. Assure him he has not been abandoned. Ease him into day care, perhaps accompanying him on a number of visits​—of increasing duration—​to the center or home before leaving him there all day. And, advises day-care-center director Bernice Spence, when dropping him off in the morning, “don’t rush the child! Take the time to calm him if he’s upset.”

Former day-care-center operators William and Wendy Dreskin warn: “Children can begin to feel that they have no choice, and they will become reconciled to their fate. They may stop expressing their feelings to the day care workers and their parents, but these feelings have not evaporated.” You must therefore monitor your child’s response to day care. Take time to discuss the events of his day. Hear out his complaints. (Proverbs 21:13) Be alert to signs of distress, such as nightmares or bed-wetting. “Every child reacts differently,” explained day-care consultant Delores Alexander. “And not all children can handle group centers.”

Christian parents need to give particular attention to their children. Jehovah’s Witnesses, for example, decline to participate in activities relating to certain religious holidays. Though they take pains to teach this Bible-based stand to their youngsters, their preschool children may be unable to grasp fully the issues involved. They may become upset when left out of “fun” activities. Christian parents must thus act as their children’s advocates, letting care givers know exactly what activities are off limits and discussing alternatives.a

They also watch that their children do not pick up ungodly traits from other children. The book Listening to the Great Teacher (published by the Watchtower Society) has helped many parents instill an appreciation for godly principles even in very small children.

Do not let day care destroy the bond of love between you and your child. The Bible tells about a woman named Hannah, who though separated from her young child Samuel for long periods of time maintained a loving relationship with him. (1 Samuel 2:18, 19) Certainly, you can do the same if you make wise use of the precious time you have with your child at the end of each day and on weekends. Indeed, with proper attention, that relationship can flourish!

Even at its best, substitute care is just that​—a mere substitute for the care of a loving mother and father. Admittedly, it is far from ideal. Until God’s promised new system arrives with its ideal conditions, many parents may be forced to utilize substitute care. (2 Peter 3:13; Isaiah 65:17-23) But if this is true in your case, choose it carefully. Closely monitor how it affects your child​—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. After all, children are an inheritance from God.​—Psalm 127:3.

[Footnotes]

[Box on page 10]

Child-Care Options​—Pros and Cons

The vast majority of parents utilize a variety of informal means to care for their children. Here are some of them:

GRANDPARENTS: Some believe that as care givers, grandparents are second only to the natural parents. Grandparents may quickly tire of the added responsibility as baby becomes a toddler. And differences in child-rearing standards (‘Grandmother knows best!’) often ignite disputes. In her book The Child Care Crisis, Fredelle Maynard says: “Precisely because [grandmother] is family, she doesn’t take orders and may need kid-glove treatment. If a hired caretaker hits your child or feeds him marshmallow fluff instead of cottage cheese, you can protest and if necessary end the arrangement. If grandmother violates your values and standards, that’s trouble.”

Frank communication between parents and grandparents, however, can often prevent needless friction. “There is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk,” says the Bible. (Proverbs 15:22) A grandmother may cherish a child, but she must also recognize that the Bible assigns the responsibility of child rearing to the child’s parents. (Ephesians 6:4) Parents and grandparents must thus establish agreed-upon rules and standards if such an arrangement is to work satisfactorily.

TEENAGE SIBLINGS: When they are reasonably mature and responsible, this too can work out fine. Often, youths bitterly resent being told, ‘Look after your baby sister.’ And an apathetic childminder is likely to be unreliable, careless, and neglectful. Remember, the Bible says: “Foolishness is tied up with the heart of a boy [or girl].”​—Proverbs 22:15.

So care of young children by siblings must be closely monitored. Make sure your older son or daughter has specific instructions on feeding, care, and handling emergencies and that he or she is willing to give your child needed attention.

WORKING DIFFERENT SHIFTS: A large number of couples are attempting to handle child care themselves by working different shifts. Explains one father: “I go to work in mid- or late afternoon when my wife gets home. Thus our children are ‘covered’ by one or the other parent. . . . We feel that this arrangement has enabled both of us to know our children very well and to be the primary influences upon their lives.”

There are clouds within this silver lining, however. Couples can become ‘ships passing in the night,’ with little time for each other. And a parent who has just come in from a night of work is not always the most alert of caretakers; nor is he likely to get much rest during the day. Some couples feel that being able to care for their children personally is worth the sacrifice.

HIRED SITTERS: A qualified, caring baby-sitter or full-time nanny can often be an exceptional care giver. However, nannies are expensive. Some families leap the financial hurdle by getting together with one or two other families and jointly hiring someone to care for their children. The problem is finding the right someone. Warns the Bible: “As an archer piercing everything is the one . . . hiring passersby.”​—Proverbs 26:10.

This means carefully screening anyone you would entrust your child to. What do you really know about the prospective sitter? Does she have any previous experience or training in child care? How does she relate to your child and vice versa? Does she have undesirable habits​—like excessive TV watching, tobacco smoking, or drug abuse? Is she willing to abide by your principles and house rules?

When a family finally does locate a responsible, caring individual, they often find to their dismay that sitters are notoriously transient. For a child, this can mean periodically suffering heartbreak as sitters come​—and go.

[Box on page 11]

Children Left Alone

Growing numbers of children are their own caretakers. They are dubbed latchkey children because they are given the keys to their home so that they can let themselves in, since no one is home yet. Some estimate that there are millions of latchkey children in the United States alone.

Child-care experts are divided as to how old a child should be before he can safely be left alone for any length of time. Parents must therefore carefully decide what is best for their child, taking into consideration his or her age, temperament, abilities, and the particular circumstances of the home and neighborhood. The law of the land is also an important factor, as leaving a child unsupervised may be illegal in your community.​—Romans 13:1.

When a latchkey arrangement must be used, a number of practical steps may help ensure the safety of the child:

1. Make sure he knows how to contact you, perhaps phoning you as soon as he arrives home from school.

2. Keep important phone numbers (doctor, police, fire department) posted near the telephone.

3. Instruct your child not to open the door to strangers.

4. Give your child guidelines on the use of potentially dangerous appliances. Don’t leave matches lying around.

5. Keep your child busy with chores and homework.​—See Awake! of August 22, 1986, pages 14-16.

[Picture on page 9]

Rarely will a day-care worker show the same interest in a child that a parent will

Crossword Puzzle

Clues Across

1. Symbolic heavenly city [2 words] (Revelation 21:2)

8. Isaiah’s father (Isaiah 1:1)

9. Tailed amphibian listed as unclean in the Mosaic Law (Leviticus 11:30)

10. Needs more than bread to live (Matthew 4:4)

11. A fruit of the carob tree (Compare Luke 15:16.)

12. What idols cannot do with their eyes (Psalm 115:5)

13. A grandson of Abraham through his second wife (Genesis 25:1, 4)

14. Father of Ezri, who served under David as overseer of those cultivating fields (1 Chronicles 27:26)

16. Though not a prominent son of Jacob, he was promised an abundance of rich foods (Genesis 49:20)

17. High priest who was lax in disciplining his sons (1 Samuel 2:22-25)

19. She gave birth at the age of 90 (Genesis 17:17; 21:2)

23. The point up to which the Pharisees would wash their hands, for tradition (Mark 7:3)

26. Jehovah said to David’s Lord: “--- at my right hand” (Matthew 22:44)

28. Become father to (Deuteronomy 4:25, King James Version)

30. He helped repair the Gate of the Old City when Jerusalem’s wall was rebuilt (Nehemiah 3:6)

31. This ambidextrous Benjamite joined forces with David at Ziklag (1 Chronicles 12:1, 2, 5)

32. Objects arranged in a line (1 Kings 7:12)

33. Female pig (2 Peter 2:22)

34. That of marriage is sacred and not to be defiled (Hebrews 13:4)

35. He played an instrument at the inauguration of Jerusalem’s rebuilt wall (Nehemiah 12:36)

36. At this site, noted for its great cistern, Saul sought the location of David and Samuel (1 Samuel 19:22)

37. Jesus was sent to preach concerning it [3 words] (Luke 4:43)

Clues Down

1. Greek city where Paul entered Europe after the call to Macedonia (Acts 16:9-11)

2. What Cain would become under curse (Genesis 4:11-14)

3. To go back over (Isaiah 38:8)

4. He was among those who dismissed their foreign wives at Ezra’s urging (Ezra 10:40, 44)

5. Noah’s father (Genesis 5:30)

6. Where the newborn Jesus was laid (Luke 2:7)

7. Blood-sucking insect (Jeremiah 46:20)

15. The guardian of the women at King Ahasuerus’ court (Esther 2:3, King James Version)

18. Look! See! (Psalm 68:33)

20. Apportioned (Psalm 16:5)

21. Pay attention (Job 23:6)

22. The 16th letter of the Greek alphabet

24. Causing contusions (Luke 9:39)

25. Plant representing bitter experiences (Lamentations 3:15)

26. One entrusted with another’s belongings (Luke 12:42)

27. Used together with the Urim to get an answer from Jehovah (Exodus 28:30)

28. Forefather of certain Nethinim who returned to Jerusalem with Zerubbabel (Ezra 2:51)

29. One was used as Jesus’ burial location (John 19:41, 42)

CROSSWORD SOLUTIONS PAGE 21

Answers Across

1. NEW JERUSALEM

8. AMOZ

9. NEWT

10. MAN

11. POD

12. SEE

13. ELDAAH

14. CHELUB

16. ASHER

17. ELI

19. SARAH

23. ELBOW

26. SIT

28. BEGET

30. JOIADA

31. ELUZAI

32. ROW

33. SOW

34. BED

35. MAAI

36. SECU

37. KINGDOM OF GOD

Answer Down

1. NEAPOLIS

2. WANDERER

3. RETRACE

4. SHASHAI

5. LAMECH

6. MANGER

7. MOSQUITO

15. HEGE

18. LO

20. ALLOTTED

21. HEED

22. PI

24. BRUISING

25. WORMWOOD

26. STEWARD

27. THUMMIM

28. BAKBUK

29. GARDEN

Young People Ask . . .

How Can I Face My Grief?

EIGHTEEN-YEAR-OLD Jonathan died in a car accident on his way home from Long Island, New York. His nine brothers and sisters suffered different kinds of grief.

Three of Jonathan’s siblings, Howard, Agustín, and Lorna, explained their feelings to Awake! Agustín recalls: “I was in bed at the time. Police and paramedics came to the door to break the news. I got out of bed and could hear what they were saying. ‘What, Johnny dead! I don’t believe it,’ was my first response. Then when the truth sank in, I felt really hurt.”

The eldest brother, Howard, reacted with anger. “I wanted to know why. How did it happen? I was angry with the other driver. But there was nothing I could do. The other guy had died too.” Lorna did not cry but had an attack of nerves. It was a shattering blow for the whole family.

If you have lost a brother or a sister in death, how did it affect you? If you are facing that loss right now, without a doubt you will identify with our question, How can I face my grief?a

Denial​—“Maybe It Was the Wrong Guy Who Died”

Bereaved persons tend to deny that the death has occurred. They may even think they suddenly see the dead person on the street, in a passing bus, on the subway. Any fleeting resemblance can spark the hope that perhaps it has all been a mistake.

In other cases, parents sometimes impose an unconscious conspiracy of silence, pretending that the death never occurred. According to the writers of The Sibling Bond, the parents create a setting in which “one must stifle or choke back sadness, anger, or happy remembrances.” The end result is that neither the parents nor the children fully face the loss, and that merely delays the grief process.

Sometimes a family multiplies its grief by hanging on to routines that serve as a reminder of the loved one. For example, at mealtimes the same place is left vacant at the table, perhaps even set as if the dead child were about to come in for a meal. This is another form of denial. How did one family handle that situation? The mother answers: “We never sat at the kitchen table in the same order anymore. My husband moved into David’s chair, and that helped to fill that void.” However, real acceptance of the fact of death may take time.

“If only . . . ”

Guilt is also a frequent reaction when a member of the family dies. Questions and doubts pour through the mind. ‘Is there anything more we could have done? Should we have consulted another doctor?’ And then there are the “If onlys . . . ” If only we had not allowed him or her to borrow my car that day. If only I had been kinder to my brother/​sister. And so the accusations and the guilt continue. Yet, these are only natural reactions to the sudden loss of a brother or a sister.

Some years ago in Brazil, an 18-year-old girl died of a heart problem. How did her brother react? “While she was sick, I felt jealous of her for getting more attention than the rest of us. Now I am so sorry that I ever felt that way.” While this guilt feeling is normal, no good purpose is served by carrying it as a perpetual burden.

“Why This Test?”

When her 12-year-old brother died because of cancer, Cleide, in Brazil, felt a tremendous loss. She told Awake!: “We had never been separated before. I asked myself, ‘Why this test? And with four sisters and only one boy, why did it have to be him? Other relatives have sons. Why was it that ours had to die?’”

Grief can also bring on health complications. Doris, Cleide’s sister, had a physical reaction​—the worst bronchitis she had ever experienced. The father suffered some heart pains that were diagnosed as resulting from the stress caused by the boy’s death.

Another factor that can affect your reaction is, How many children were there in the family? If one of two dies, the survivor becomes the only child and may feel the loss deeply.

You Need a Shoulder to Cry On

So how can you face the loss of your brother or sister? Therapists recommend that you express, not repress, your grief. Counselor Dr. Earl Grollman suggests: “It is not enough to recognize your conflicting emotions; you must deal with them openly. That is why there is a mourning period. This is a time to share your feelings.” Therefore, it is not a time to cut yourself off from people.​—Proverbs 18:1.

Frustrated grief can lead to psychological problems. You need a shoulder to cry on​—a parent, a brother or a sister, a good friend, or an elder in the Christian congregation. As Dr. Grollman says: “An emotion that is denied expression is not destroyed. You only prolong the agony and delay the grief process.” So, what does he suggest? “Find a good listener, a friend who will understand that your many feelings are normal reactions to your bitter grief.”

And what if you feel like weeping? Dr. Grollman adds: “For some, tears are the best therapy for emotional strain, for men as well as for women and children. Weeping is a natural way to ease anguish and release pain.”

“I Had Never Seen Dad Cry Before”

Your parents can be a great help in time of loss​—and you can also be a help to them. For example, Jane and Sarah, from England, lost their 23-year-old brother Darrall. How did they survive their grief? Jane answers: “Because there were four of us, I went and did everything with Dad, whilst Sarah did everything with Mum. In this way we were not on our own.”

Sarah explains: “My parents were strong, determined to keep going, no matter what. If ever we felt like feeling sorry for ourselves, they would say, ‘Come on! Let’s get going again.’ That does help because really you are feeling sorry for yourself, which is not upbuilding.”

But how could they help their parents? Jane answers: “I had never seen Dad cry before. He cried a couple of times, and in a way, it was nice, and looking back, I feel good now that I could be there just to comfort him.”

Of course, different people handle their grief in different ways. We are not trying to suggest that one way is necessarily better than another. Danger arises when stagnation sets in, when the grief-stricken person is unable to be reconciled with the reality of the situation. Then help might be needed from compassionate friends and perhaps qualified Christian elders. So do not be afraid to seek help and talk. And also weep.

The Bible has many examples of persons who openly expressed their grief. Jesus wept on nearing the tomb of his friend Lazarus. (John 11:30-38) David mourned the loss of his murdered son Amnon. (2 Samuel 13:28-39) Mary Magdalene wept as she neared Jesus’ sepulcher. (John 20:11-16) True, a Christian with an understanding of the Bible’s resurrection hope does not grieve unconsolably, as some might do. But as a human with normal feelings, he does grieve and mourn the loss of a loved one, especially a brother or a sister.​—1 Thessalonians 4:13, 14.

A Hope That Sustains

What has sustained many young people who have lost a brother or a sister? Young David, from England, lost his 13-year-old sister Janet to Hodgkin’s disease. He says: “One of the things that benefited me greatly was one text quoted in the funeral talk. It states: ‘Because God has set a day in which he purposes to judge the inhabited earth in righteousness, and he has furnished a guarantee to all men in that he has resurrected him, Jesus, from the dead.’ The speaker stressed the expression ‘guarantee’ concerning the resurrection. That was a great source of strength to me after the funeral.”​—Acts 17:31.

Yes, the Bible teaching about the state of the dead and the hope of the resurrection is a real comfort in time of loss. The more you realize that the Bible hope is confirmed by historical facts, the more solid will be your faith to sustain you in time of grief.​—Mark 5:35-42; 12:26, 27; John 5:28, 29; 1 Corinthians 15:3-8.

[Footnotes]

[Picture on page 15]

When we lose a brother or a sister in death, we need someone compassionate

Sunsets Reflect the Glory of Their Creator

NO MATTER how often we see a beautiful sunset, we always appreciate the glorious spectacle. Clouds scattered on the horizon add to the splendor as the setting sun bathes them in colorful splashes of violet, red, orange, pink, and yellow.

Why does the sky take on a reddish glow during sunset, when earlier in the day it is a bluish color? It has to do with the sun’s light passing through the atmosphere that surrounds our earth for about a hundred miles up. This air blanket supplies the oxygen we breathe. It also contains other gases, such as nitrogen, carbon dioxide, and water vapor, and dust particles as well.

When sunlight passes through this atmosphere, it strikes these air molecules and dust particles, and the light tends to scatter. The colors that make up sunlight travel in “waves,” and the shorter the wavelength of a color, the more it scatters when it strikes the particles in the air. Blue light has a short wavelength and scatters more. Red light has a long wavelength and scatters less.

On a clear day with the sun well above the horizon, the sky looks blue because the shorter blue waves are scattered by the air and are reflected back to earth from all parts of the sky. But when the sun drops toward the horizon at evening, its light travels through many additional miles of the earth’s atmosphere to reach us. Thus it strikes many more air molecules and dust particles than when the sun is overhead. The shorter blue rays are blocked and absorbed in the atmosphere before they can reach our eyes. The longer red rays penetrate the atmosphere to reach us, causing the colors we see at sunset and at sunrise.

When there is more dust in the atmosphere, such as from volcanic action, sunsets are even more colorful. As an example, when the Krakatau volcano near Java exploded in 1883, vast quantities of dust spewed miles into the atmosphere. The New Encyclopædia Britannica notes the result: “The fine dust drifted several times around the Earth, causing spectacular red sunsets throughout the following year.”

The gorgeous sunsets should make us appreciate the Creator of the sun, the earth, and our atmosphere, which make possible such glorious displays. We should feel as did the Bible writers who wrote: “The heavens are declaring the glory of God; and of the work of his hands the expanse is telling.” “You are worthy, Jehovah, even our God, to receive the glory and the honor and the power, because you created all things, and because of your will they existed and were created.”​—Psalm 19:1; Revelation 4:11.

[Picture Credit Line on page 16]

G. Ludwig/​U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service

My Struggle to Leave a Violent Life

FOR eight years I was a member of a well-known motorcycle club. Most of these groups do not get along well with other motorcycle clubs, and there is constant rivalry. One night a large number of us were in the center of New Orleans looking for a rival club from out of town. We were anxious to “bang a few heads” to straighten out some differences we had.

The other group was nowhere to be found, so we split up and went our separate ways. However, some stayed at a bar, where a fistfight broke out with two plainclothes policemen. The officers started shooting and wounded one of my friends. I was sitting in a quiet old neighborhood bar when I heard what had happened. I didn’t know whether my friend was alive or dead, so I went to the hospital to find out. As soon as I arrived, a man pointed at me, shouting, “He was one of them! Grab him!” Although I had not been involved in the fight, I guess that with long hair and beards, we all looked the same to them. Anyway, they grabbed me, and I ended up in prison for several weeks. But how did I ever get started in this violent life-style? Let me backtrack to my childhood.

Love at First Sight

Most parents would be disappointed if their children became involved in this type of life, and this was certainly true of my mom and dad. They were kind but firm with me and believed in discipline.

My problem started in the last year of high school when I started to rebel against my parents’ authority and also began to drink heavily. One day, while standing on the front steps of our high school, I saw something that was to leave a deep impression on me for years to come. Chrome plated, brightly painted, a “Harley Chopper” motorcycle passed, seeming to glide by in front of me. The rider looked as if he didn’t have a care in the world. I fell in love with motorcycles then and there!

Later that year after I graduated from school, I used my hard-earned funds from my younger years and bought a big 750 cc English motorcycle. That summer I traveled through the Midwestern states, ending up in Iowa, where I attended college.

The Motorcycle “Family”

The Vietnam War was on, and for many of us young people, it was a difficult time in our lives. The thought of going to war and killing was repulsive to me. Yet, if I didn’t stay in college, that is where I would be​—by force. I decided to speak up in protest, along with many other disillusioned youths. I joined an antiwar group, but their meetings were very disorganized. After a short time, I realized that this group could not change the system and bring about better conditions. I then considered joining another group but discovered that they were involved in other acts of violence. This did not seem right to me​—using violence to protest violence.

During my time in college, I also became aware of religious hypocrisy. As a Catholic, I had been taught that those who did bad things would suffer forever in hellfire when they died. To me it seemed that few people could be so holy in their lives that they would end up going to heaven. It didn’t make sense to me when I learned that the church as a whole approved of going to war to fight and kill people. Disillusioned, I stopped attending church services and considered myself no longer part of the Catholic Church. In search for more understanding, I took a course in the philosophy of religion. My instructor turned out to be an atheist and taught us that just as there is no Santa Claus, so there is no God!

The only things that remained constant during this time were my heavy drinking and my motorcycle riding. Discouraged with college and with life in general, I moved to New Orleans, in the deep South. Here I met a group of others who were pursuing the same things that I was. Many of them were also disgusted with society. They taught me the many things involved in building a motorcycle; they found me work and looked after me when I was sick. It was this concern that attracted me to them as a group.

Our “family” grew to include groups from cities throughout the United States. Summertime found us riding our motorcycles throughout the Midwest, as far north as Minnesota and Wyoming, as far west as California, and even into Mexico. We visited many state parks and enjoyed the beauty and peacefulness of the countryside.

Our way of life included spending a lot of time drinking in barrooms. Some of the fellows enjoyed a good fight, but I didn’t. I became good at spotting situations leading to fights and gracefully tried to avoid them. At other times, though, people would do things that I couldn’t handle, and I’d jump in to teach them a lesson. One time I was standing outside a barroom when a motorcycle passed. I was looking to see who it was, when the passenger pointed a gun at me and fired! How he failed to hit me, I don’t know.

The Effects of a Homicide

I began to realize that there was no real happiness in this pleasure-seeking way of life. In time I married, but the marriage didn’t work out; it lasted only three months. Later, my motorcycle was stolen. Then one night, after drinking very heavily, I had a bad argument with my best friend. This left me very depressed. Trying to end it all, I swallowed a handful of pills. Then I lay down to die on the levee of the Mississippi River. However, I woke up in the hospital. On two other occasions, I also ended up in the hospital because of my drinking problem.

Then came a morning I will never forget. At five o’clock I received a phone call telling me that one of my best friends had been shot and killed. He had gone out drinking with two other club members, and they tried to stop a man from beating a woman. It turned out that she was his wife. He shot and killed my friend. All of us were in a state of shock, and I spent the entire next day with his brother, making funeral arrangements.

While alone at night in the funeral home, I touched my friend’s face. He was cold, stiff, and lifeless. Where had he gone? Was that it​—the end of everything? Surely there must be more than this​—life just for a few years, then death ending it all. I realized that I did not understand life at all, and from then on I would try to find out. I began to dabble in spiritism, and several times it seemed that we could contact my friend. But it was all rather vague and still did not answer my questions.

What Is Life’s Purpose?

One night I had too much to drink and passed out while riding my motorcycle. In the accident that followed, I seriously hurt my ankle. I couldn’t walk and had to stay at home for two weeks. During this time, a man and his young son knocked on my door. They wanted to talk about the Bible. I invited them in. They told me they were Jehovah’s Witnesses. As I had never heard that name before, I asked them if they were a new religious group. The man kindly showed me from the Bible that God’s name is Jehovah and that they were speaking to people about him. That was new to me. God had a name, Jehovah. My religious training as a youth had not taught me that. I wondered what else I had not been taught.

Next I was shown that the Bible speaks of the end of the world, or system of things, that we live in. The “end of the world”! Why wasn’t I told of this before? This paved the way for several further discussions during which I had many questions. They left me the book Is This Life All There Is? I couldn’t read it fast enough, for I was finally finding out what life was all about.

I learned that it is not God’s purpose that we live for such a short period of time and then die. I learned of a coming end to death and the prospect of everlasting life on a paradise earth. As for my dear friend, I learned that he was not conscious or suffering anywhere; rather, he was in a deep sleep, awaiting a resurrection from the dead. What a grand hope that was! Maybe I would see him again!​—Revelation 21:4, 5; Ecclesiastes 9:5; John 5:28, 29.

A Difficult Decision

Our Bible discussions were interrupted when I left on the biggest motorcycle club trip planned for that summer. I told my Witness friend, Daniel, that I would call him when I returned. He gave me the book The Truth That Leads to Eternal Life. During the next four weeks of traveling, each time we stopped to rest I read a portion of the book. When I got back, I called Daniel. We made arrangements to study the Bible together, and after the first study, he invited me to attend a meeting at the Kingdom Hall the following Sunday afternoon.

Now, we had a club ride planned that Sunday, and I was expected to be there to take the lead. Sunday morning came and off we went. We stopped at a bar, and everyone started drinking. About one o’clock I casually walked out, started my bike, and returned to the city. At 3:00 p.m., I was at the Kingdom Hall, with T-shirt, blue jeans, boots, beard, and my hair in a pony tail. The Witnesses received me warmly, not mentioning anything about my appearance. They encouraged me to come back. I did, and I have been attending meetings ever since.

The first month was difficult, though, because I was still attending weekly motorcycle club meetings. I soon came to see that if I continued with the club, I would have difficulty applying and living by Bible principles. So I made my decision to quit the club. It was hard to leave those fellows. Over the years, we had experienced many things together, and this had united us closely. On the other hand, it was a relief to leave that violent world behind and to enter Jehovah’s peaceful worldwide organization. I even sold the rifle that was always by my bedside.

Don’t Stick Your Finger in the Fire

Six months after I began my study, I was baptized. In this short period, with Jehovah’s help, I had been able to conquer my drinking habit, and my conduct in general had improved. I now enjoy visiting people at their homes just as Daniel visited me at the beginning. From the Bible, I try to show my neighbors that Jehovah God has a government that outlaws violence, that rules with justice, and that will provide all the righteous things that human governments cannot provide, and that soon there will be no violent people left in the earth. This especially appeals to me because of my past experiences with violence, so I stress it all I can.​—Revelation 11:18.

Jehovah God has blessed me with a devoted Christian wife and two beautiful children. The four of us are able to work together from door to door and attend Christian meetings and conventions. I have the privilege to serve as a ministerial servant in the Christian congregation. Indeed, I have left violence and have found real peace. What a contrast! After returning to New Orleans, I learned of the deaths of two of my former friends. Since I have been here in Louisiana, three more have been shot and killed. If it wasn’t for Jehovah, where would I be?

To the young ones, I wish to say that although the world seems glamorous and exciting, don’t stick your finger in the fire. I was in the world and tasted it all. You are not missing anything. And for those of you who are seeking to gain a relationship with Jehovah but don’t think that you can make the necessary changes, please note Jesus’ encouraging words: “With God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)​—As told by David L. Wirges.

[Picture on page 20]

In my more violent biking days

Segovia’s Amazing Aqueduct

WE TEND to marvel at the accomplishments of modern man. Science and technology have created the marvels of space flight and have revealed the secrets of the atom. But if you want to be humbled, visit the ancient city of Segovia in Spain. As you drive toward the old city quarter, you are struck by a marvel of ancient architecture and engineering​—the aqueduct of Segovia. From ancient times it has brought water from the nearby Sierra Fuenfria mountains down to Segovia.

In the Plaza del Azoguejo, the aqueduct’s arches rise to a height of some 91 feet above the old market square. Since the aqueduct stretches over 1,000 yards across Segovia, its 166 arches form a delicate two-tiered design, like a curtain inviting you to pass through to old Segovia and see history unfurl before you. And the aqueduct is history​—built by the Romans, some say under Emperor Augustus (27 B.C.E.-14 C.E.), and others under Emperor Trajan (98-117 C.E.).

Modern architects are impressed by this structure and more so when they recall that the Romans constructed it without cement or lime. The stones were designed, cut, and placed so precisely that they have withstood the wear and tear of nearly 2,000 years, and the slender pillars stand as proudly as ever. The arches were built over a wooden frame, and then the keystone was put in place to lock the rest of the arch in position. Then the wooden frame was removed.

In the 17th century the aqueduct was given the name El Puente del Diablo (The Devil’s Bridge). What started that? One legend says that the Devil constructed the bridge and that he would confound anyone trying to count the arches. Even today there is some controversy as to the exact number of arches, since some may be hidden. The current count is 166.

The Romans were very conscious of the importance of a clean water supply for their cities. For example, ancient Rome was served by 11 major aqueducts supplying daily some 84,000,000 gallons of water, according to one source. A large portion of the route taken by these aqueducts was not in the form of a bridge but as tunnels cut through hills and mountains. The Romans were very skilled at lining up these tunnels with sufficient gradient for the water to flow. They also built shafts to prevent air locks and to allow for inspection and maintenance.

Even today, spread across Europe, “it is likely that the remains of more than 200 of these old Roman aqueducts​—many with arches more striking than those around Rome—​are extant.” (The New Encyclopædia Britannica) And one of those is the amazing aqueduct of Segovia.

[Pictures on page 23]

The aqueduct, built without mortar, has 166 arches

Partial view from within the city

It was built by the Romans nearly 2,000 years ago

Time​—Are You Its Master or Its Slave?

“WHY are you late?” inquired the teacher as Albert walked into the classroom. “Because I ran alongside my bicycle all the way to school,” Albert replied, almost out of breath.

“Why didn’t you ride your bicycle?” asked the teacher curiously. “Because,” explained Albert, “I was so late I didn’t have time to stop and get on the bike.”

This exaggerated, comical story illustrates a situation that many of us face daily. Rushed, with many tasks to be done and deadlines to be met, we may feel that we are racing from one thing to the next. But, like Albert, we sometimes slow ourselves down by concluding that we do not have the time to stop and reorganize for effectiveness.

Nevertheless, we could save time, accomplish more in the long run, and reduce stress if we did pause to sharpen our skills in managing time. Then, instead of viewing time as a relentless master, it could become a helpful servant.

How can you achieve more effective management of your time? Following are some suggestions. As you read them, choose those that fit your needs and adapt them to your circumstances.

Plan Your Day

Imagine that your day has just begun. Before you is a seemingly endless number of tasks. The thought of all these duties may cause you to dread the day. Where should you begin? By planning your day.

Many start by writing what is known as a To Do List. One person with many responsibilities in a large organization notes how he stays on schedule. He states: “I keep a written list of things to be done. As new tasks present themselves or come to mind, I add them to the list. Then I cross off each item as it is completed.”

Might a similar written plan help you to organize your daily activities? You may respond: ‘That might help me get started, but I would never finish everything on my list!’ And you are probably right. That is why it is helpful to . . .

Set Priorities

You can set priorities by numbering each item on your list according to importance. Then, to the extent possible, handle each activity in that order. Naturally, there will be times when you may choose to make an exception and not handle a matter in strict priority order, according to your circumstances and preferences. So stay flexible. Your objective is to stay in control so that what you do accomplish each day is by choice rather than by chance.

Do not rush from job to job or worry about doing everything that you have listed. Time-management consultant Alan Lakein stresses: “One rarely reaches the bottom of a To Do List. It’s not completing the list that counts, but making the best use of your time.”

You will have accomplished this if the bulk of your time was directed toward what is truly important. As for the unfinished items, see if they can be delegated to others or transferred to tomorrow’s list. A hard look at lower-priority items sometimes reveals that they do not need to be done at all. On the other hand, an item at the bottom of today’s list may have a higher priority tomorrow.

But how do you go about determining which activities on your list are of high priority? After all, when looking at a long list of duties, many things may appear to be equally important. So to set priorities effectively, you must . . .

Distinguish Between “Urgent” and “Important”

A wise king in Bible times said that a man should “see good for all his hard work.” (Ecclesiastes 3:13) Some tasks yield better results than others. So when looking over a list of duties, consider the results each one will bring. Will finishing the job produce significant benefits? Will you “see good” for your hard work? If not, it may not be a high-priority task.

True, at first glance everything on your list may seem urgent. But are urgent matters always important, deserving a major time investment? Michael LeBoeuf, a professor of time management at the University of New Orleans, makes this observation: “Important things are seldom urgent and urgent things are seldom important. The urgency of fixing a flat tire when you are late for an appointment is much greater than remembering to pay your auto insurance premium, but its importance [the tire] is, in most cases, relatively small.”

Then he laments: “Unfortunately, many of us spend our lives fighting fires under the tyranny of the urgent. The result is that we ignore the less urgent but more important things in life. It’s a great effectiveness killer.”

So when setting priorities, ask yourself which activities are truly important. Then try to spend most of your time on these. Perhaps an urgent matter does not need immediate attention. Does it justify a large time investment? Can you handle it quickly and move on to an activity that will result in greater accomplishment? Better yet, can it be delegated to someone else?

No doubt you will agree that it is more rewarding to work at something that yields important results than it is simply to be busy at whatever activity happens to be at hand. Try to direct as many of your efforts as possible toward activities that result in true accomplishment.

The 80/20 Rule

Applying the principles discussed thus far, what percentage of your day’s activities would you expect to categorize as top priority? Of course, that will depend upon your specific responsibilities. But a number of time-management experts feel that, in many cases, you can narrow the top-priority items down to about 20 percent. They cite, as a guide, the 80/20 rule.

This principle was formulated by the 19th-century Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto. It states that only about 20 percent of the causes produce about 80 percent of the results. If you are alert, you may discover that there are a number of situations in everyday life where Pareto’s principle applies. But how can the 80/20 rule be applied to your use of time?

Analyze the items on your To Do List. Perhaps you can be 80 percent effective by accomplishing two out of ten items listed. If so, those are the two most important items on your list. Also, analyze a project before diving in. How much of it is truly important to your objective? What part of the job will produce the most significant results? This portion of the task is priority.

Time-management consultant Dru Scott, after discussing Pareto’s principle, explains how to make it work for you. She says: “Identify the vital ingredients necessary to achieve your objective. Do these things first. You will get the most results in the least amount of time.”

Enjoy the Benefits

Perhaps at this point you can better appreciate that being the master of your time is not a matter of being preoccupied with never wasting a minute or rushing from crisis to crisis. Rather, effective time management means selecting the appropriate task for right now. It means discerning what activities yield the best results and spending your time on these whenever possible.

There are no fixed rules for personal organization of your time. To benefit from the suggestions in this article, be flexible. Experiment. Adapt. Discover what works best for you. Read the ideas in the box on this page and see which ones will help you turn a relentless master into a helpful servant.

By getting better control of your time, what a sense of accomplishment you will have at the end of each day! Though more duties likely remain for tomorrow, you have the satisfaction of knowing that you directed your efforts toward the most important things. You will “see good” for your hard work.

You may even feel that​—at last—​there is enough time for the things that really matter. Then you will not be a victim of hectic circumstances, but you will be the master of your time. That will bring not only increased effectiveness to your work but likely increased joy as well.

[Box on page 27]

WAYS TO SAVE TIME

1. Have a clear set of values and goals in life. It is the key to setting daily priorities.

2. Work on tasks requiring concentration when you are most alert.

3. Make phone calls when you are most likely to contact the person.

4. Delegate work whenever possible. It frees you to accomplish more, and it gives experience to others.

5. When doing paperwork, try to handle each piece of paper once, rather than giving it a temporary ‘parking place.’

6. At meetings with others, stick to an agenda. Have specific starting and finishing times.

7. Organize your work area with needed tools close at hand.

8. Do not feel obligated to accept every social invitation that comes your way. Learn to say no tactfully.

9. Standardize shopping and packing lists as much as possible rather than writing up new ones repeatedly.

10. Get sufficient rest and relaxation so that you can work effectively.

11. Set deadlines.

12. Do not procrastinate.

13. Break overwhelming tasks into smaller ones.

14. Do not be a perfectionist. Concentrate on what is truly important.

15. Make good use of waiting time. Write a letter, read, or accomplish some other essential task.

16. Know that there will be occasions when you will need to spend time on activities you would not choose. Do not waste time fretting about it. Instead, work to get it done.

[Picture on page 25]

Many find it helpful to make a priority list of things to be done

[Pictures on page 26]

Personal organization and the setting of priorities can make all the difference in the world

From Our Readers

Loss of a Child

Thank you for your issue on “Facing the Loss of a Child.” (August 8, 1987) Even though I cried several times as I read the articles, it was helpful to know that others have felt exactly as I have. It was March 1978 that our 24-year-old Karen was killed when a truck hit her car at an intersection just a few blocks from her home. I appreciated it so much that your article stated that it is not wrong to grieve, and it doesn’t show a lack of faith in God’s promises of a resurrection; rather, it indicates a deep love for the dead person. That was so comforting to me. Diane Krych’s writing to David about having a party for him when Jehovah wakes him from his sleep touched my heart. I too have thought about Karen’s party when she is resurrected. I just can’t wait to see her beautiful smile!

D. L., United States

I have just read your issue “Facing the Loss of a Child.” I can testify to the trueness of every word therein. The grief never goes away. For 13 years I have felt guilty because of grieving over my son’s death. I do not feel guilty anymore. Now I feel relieved to know that grieving doesn’t in any way betray a lack of faith in our great God, Jehovah.

A. M., United States

I want to express my deep appreciation for the article “Facing the Loss of a Child.” Our dear son John died about seven years ago. I went through many of the feelings described in your article​—disbelief, denial, guilt feelings. I didn’t write letters to him but had a suitcase packed with his things. In my mind he was on vacation and couldn’t communicate with me. For two years I was depressed, withdrawn, and despondent. I couldn’t understand my feelings. Now I am much better, though the loss is still great. Thanks so much for helping others understand our feelings and what positive things they can say or do to help.

V. W., United States

I have just finished reading the articles on “Facing the Loss of a Child.” It’s been six years and eight months since we lost our only daughter in a car accident. Your articles helped me to see that what I’ve gone through was normal. I couldn’t accept her being dead. I thought of her as a missionary in another land, even though I knew she was gone. I too felt the need to write letters. It has only been in the last year that I have come to accept her death; I realized that no matter how long I grieved I couldn’t bring her back. So it was time to come out of my excessive grief. Thank you so much for this article.

V. B., United States

As stated on page 14 of the above-named issue, “Awake!” was not recommending writing letters to the deceased as a help in getting through the grieving process. Diane Krych’s letter was published not only to illustrate how the resurrection hope sustained her but also to illustrate how some people react when stricken with extreme grief, so that others will be able to respond with understanding and compassion.​—ED.

Watching the World

Highest Suicide Rate

The suicide rate in Hungary ranks as the highest in the world, and the Hungarian government is worried, reports The New York Times. According to psychiatrist Dr. Bella Buda, a researcher with the Hungarian Academy of Sciences, Hungarian suicide victims are viewed as ‘brave men’ who have accepted death to avoid more suffering. Each year “nearly 5,000 persons commit suicide in Hungary,” says Buda, while “as many as 50,000 try.” Prompted by the alarming increase of suicides, the government is asking researchers to find better means of prevention. Cited as factors in suicide cases were economic stagnation, inflation, and alcoholism spurred on by “a frantic pursuit” of a materialistic life-style.

How Salt Preserves

Salt preserves meat​—but how? Microbiologist Robert Buchanan of the U.S. Department of Agriculture says he has figured it out. “It doesn’t kill food-spoiling bacteria by drying them,” reports Hippocrates magazine. “Instead, salt forces the bacteria to use so much energy getting rid of sodium that they have no energy left to eat and reproduce.” Perhaps this news will help meat processors learn how to get by with less salt in their products.

“A Bleak Picture”

Statistics for 1986 show that the membership of Canada’s largest Protestant denomination, the United Church of Canada, has again decreased by more than 9,000. In 1985 the drop was over 10,000. The Toronto Star described the 1986 figures as “a bleak picture for a denomination that is at times beset by controversy.” Among the causes for the “general unrest” that has led to loss of members are listed “the proposed ordination of self-declared homosexuals and the use of non-sexist language in church literature.” A former church moderator admitted that some believe “the leadership of the church is so out of touch with the local people.”

New Pyramid Theory

How the ancient Egyptians lifted the massive stones that form the pyramids into place has long intrigued scholars. Now Joseph Davidovits, a chemist at Florida’s Barry University, claims they were not lifted at all but rather cast in place. He bases his hypothesis on analysis of samples of the pyramid blocks that he obtained in 1982. The blocks, he says, contain minerals that do not occur naturally in limestone and that differ from the stone in Egypt’s quarries. He asserts that the ancient Egyptians cast the stones by putting limestone and rock rubble together with a natural cement, using the edge of a finished stone as part of the mold for the next. The Egyptian government has challenged his hypothesis.

Pope’s Visit Commercialized

Months before the pope’s nine-city tour of the United States in September, entrepreneurs started selling papal memorabilia. “Vatican and U.S. Roman Catholic Church officials refuse to lend their endorsements to any of the commercial ventures,” says Newsweek. “Still, the amount of papal paraphernalia is multiplying like loaves and fishes.” Among the offerings were T-shirts: A reported favorite sold to priests and nuns features a “canine beer mascot . . . in papal hat and robe.” Hats, masks, and rings: A gold plastic imitation papal ring has red lips attached. “When you kiss it,” says its creator, “it’ll kiss you back.” Posters and pictures: You can have your picture taken with a life-size, cutout likeness of the pope. Videos and comic books: Both offer the pope’s life story. Lawn sprinklers: Water shoots from the “out-turned palms of a plywood pope.” They were marketed under the slogan: “Let Us Spray.” For refreshment, an ice bar in the pope’s image​—called the Popesicle—​was proposed.

Universally Rejected

It began as a good idea: Take bales of tightly compacted garbage; put them in small, controlled landfills; and make energy from the methane gas produced as the garbage decomposes. To start the project, contractor Lowell Harrelson had 3,100 tons of commercial garbage from Islip, New York, loaded on a barge and towed down to North Carolina, where he had an agreement with some farmers to use their land. But when it arrived, protests caused officials to order the barge away. Gaining in notoriety, it was similarly rejected by the states of Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas, and Florida. Belize and other Caribbean nations also said no, and Mexico dispatched its coast guard and air force to keep it from going ashore there. Finally, 60 days and 6,000 miles [9,700 km] later​—at a cost of $6,000 a day for the barge and tug—​it arrived back in New York. But officials would not let it dock there either, citing issues of health and safety. After the garbage had been sitting in Gravesend Bay for three months last summer as somewhat of a tourist attraction, agreement was finally reached to have it incinerated in Brooklyn and the ash buried back in Islip. “Sometimes,” said Harrelson, “I wonder how I could have been so stupid, how I could have caused a fury like this.”

Heavy Responsibility

The fact that almost all women who undergo an abortion suffer thereafter from severe psychological disturbances is often kept hidden from the public, claims Professor P. Petersen of the Hannover, Germany, gynecological hospital. Aftereffects include “severe feelings of guilt; depression; apathy or irritability; hatred for partner, doctor, or for men in general; frigidity; [and] terrible nightmares.” According to the German newspaper Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung, Petersen pointed out that the doctors who make abortions possible must also bear “a share of the responsibility for killing humans.” This has already taken a heavy psychological toll on many doctors.

Thirst Quenching?

What do you drink when you are thirsty? “Ironically, the most popular choices​—sugar-sweetened carbonated soft drinks—​do not even quench thirst,” states The New York Times. “Rather, their high sugar content can leave you thirstier, setting off a thirst cycle that supports soaring soft-drink consumption.” A typical 12-ounce [340 g] soda contains nine teaspoons of sugar and “supplies no nutrients other than sweet calories.” It may also contain up to half as much caffeine as in a cup of coffee. Then there is the acidity​—in colas, about the same as that of vinegar—​that attacks tooth enamel. Diet, noncaffeine, and “natural” sodas address some problems but leave others and usually do not add anything to the soda’s nutritional value.

Fetal Feelings?

Do fetuses and newborn babies suffer pain and fear? Düsseldorf professor H. G. Lenard feels that the question should be fully answered. As reported in the German newspaper Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung, he points out that fetuses, “upon being pricked with a needle, react with defensive gestures, anxiety, and increased heartbeat.” Since an unborn baby with water on the brain may be treated by means of puncture needles through the top of the skull, he advocates a “search for a practicable method of anesthetization for fetuses.” The question of pain, he says, should also be considered when using forceps and suction apparatus during a difficult delivery.

Oregon’s Blue Jewel in a Volcano

OUR expectation heightened as we started to climb into the mountains in southwest Oregon on the western coast of the United States. We had been told that Crater Lake would be like nothing else we had ever seen. It was still wintertime, and the snow was piled up by the side of the highway, way above eye level. As a consequence, when we arrived at our destination, we still could not see the famous lake. But there was a gap that a bulldozer had cut through the wall of snow that gave us a view over the edge of the precipice. And what a view!

There, way below us, was Crater Lake, truly a deep-blue jewel set in the collapsed heart of a volcano. We were looking at a lake 1,932 feet deep that had been filled by rain and snow. The beautiful reflection in the mirror-still water made it hard to believe that the lake is some six miles wide. A 20-mile circle of snow-covered cliffs surrounded this jewel.

We were on the edge of a huge caldera formed by the collapsed cone of a volcanic mountain that was given the name Mount Mazama in 1896. Geologists theorize as to when it was formed and exactly how. We could only stand in amazement at such a unique sight and give thanks to the Creator for the senses that allow us to perceive and appreciate such beauty.​—Contributed.

Listen to the Bible Read

Receive cassettes of the Bible in handy albums

The cassette recordings of the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures are available in attractive brown vinyl albums. For an album with the entire “New Testament” (18 cassettes) the contribution is $30. Two albums of the “Old Testament” are also available: The first has Genesis through Ruth on 18 cassettes and is $30; the second has 21 cassettes containing 1 Samuel through Psalms and is $33.25.

Please indicate by marking the respective boxes what cassette albums you want and remit the designated contribution.

[ ] I enclose $30 for the “New Testament” album.

[ ] I enclose $30 for the album of Genesis through Ruth.

[ ] I enclose $33.25 for the album of 1 Samuel through Psalms. (Outside the U.S.A., write to local Watch Tower branch for information.)