May 8

Page Two

In millions of homes violence is a problem. Wives, husbands and children are victims. Whether in your home or that of a friend, what can be done to avoid home violence? There are positive steps that can bring success

3 WHAT IS GOING ON AT HOME TODAY?

4 TRUE ACCOUNTS—WHAT DO THEY SHOW?

6 BATTERED WIVES/BATTERED HUSBANDS—WHAT IS BEHIND IT?

12 ARE THE POLICE OR THE COURTS THE ANSWER?

13 WHAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT HOME VIOLENCE?

What Is Going On at Home Today?

WHAT is the most violent place in your area? Would it shock you to think that “home” may claim that sorry distinction?

“Family fights,” said the Los Angeles Times, “have become one of the most common and most dangerous expressions of violence in the country today. In virtually every block, in every borough, town and suburb, couples are kicking, elbowing, slapping and punching. . . . Violence in the streets may be more visible, but the violence that takes place in the home is more widespread—and just as lethal.”

Millions in the Orient, Europe, South America—yes, everywhere—must sadly agree: Their home is a violent battleground. But others, based on their own experience or somewhat on wishful thinking, may express sentiments as old as Cicero’s: “There is no place more delightful than home.” Or they may agree with the German poet Goethe, who said: “He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home.”

Yet how many today actually do find peace at home? Do you? Do most of your neighbors? Do your workmates or school companions? The fact is that home violence is a pressing problem that we cannot ignore, as these reports show:

Japan’s newspapers heralded the opening of a haven for brutalized wives, saying, “Battered wives no longer have to suffer in silence.” Having seen women with broken bones and huge bruises—including one whose alcoholic husband beat her with a baseball bat almost nightly—the director of that center in Tokyo said: “The number of fights in Japanese homes has increased greatly since World War II.”

From England comes similar news about the situation there and in Europe. A House of Commons committee reported: “Home is for many a very violent place.” Proof of that can be seen in the streaming of British women to newly established shelters. For example, there is Sheila. Still in her twenties, she arrived with a broken nose, and with most of her teeth and much of her hair missing. Also, her husband had so often thrown her son across the room for crying that at three years of age he was too afraid to speak.

Are these isolated examples? Sad to say, they are not. American Congresswoman Barbara Mikulski pointed out that a quarter of all killings in the United States occur within the family, half of these being husband or wife murders. A coauthor of Wife Beating: The Silent Crisis estimated that 28 million American wives are physically abused by their mates.

Can any of us say that we are entirely untouched by the tentacles of this “cancer,” home violence? Certainly the millions of families where wife-beating, child abuse or husband-battering occurs know that they are affected. So are we, if some dear friend or relative of ours is battered at home. What if we employ or work with someone who comes to the job bruised and distraught? Does it not affect us, perhaps even economically? Also, what is home violence doing to the quality of police and hospital emergency-room service that we get? Did you know that in some places more police die in the course of handling domestic violence than in any other avenue of their duty? Responding to family-fight calls eats up a major share of the policeman’s time, time that otherwise could be used protecting the rest of us from public crime and violence.

What are the causes of so much violence in the home? Is divorce, with the resulting broken home, the basic answer? If the “cancer” of violence has erupted in your home—or you detect any tendencies in that direction—what can you do about it? Since the Bible’s counsel has been effective in dealing with many others of life’s problems, what help does it give us with this one? The following articles will discuss these matters. Let us consider home violence with the encouraging conviction that something can be done about it.

[Blurb on page 3]

“Family violence is as American as the flag or apple pie. Beating your wife is as American a pastime as baseball. Violence appears in roughly 60 per cent of all American homes.”—“The Oregonian,” June 14, 1977.

[Blurb on page 4]

“Physical violence occurs between family members more often than it occurs between any other individuals or in any other setting except for wars and riots.”—National Institute of Mental Health.

True Accounts—What Do They Show?

LOCAL gossips and tabloid newspapers often highlight tales of family violence, doing so because morbid interest in such stories is common. However, it is for a totally different reason that we present the following true accounts.a These are offered in order that we might learn from them. Thus, after each case we will raise some thought-provoking questions. Ponder over these. The examples presented may help you to see where responsibility for the problem often rests. They may alert you to weaknesses giving rise to the difficulty and may aid you to discern ways of solving this problem or avoiding violence in the home. This is in harmony with the Bible proverb: “Sensible people will see trouble coming and avoid it, but an unthinking person will walk right into it and regret it later.”—Prov. 22:3, “Today’s English Version.”

A dreadful scar from Gloria’s chin to her collarbone is one of the first things you would note about this 24-year-old New York woman. She was one of six children. When her father was drunk he often beat his wife and daughters. To escape the violence Gloria’s mother sometimes fled the home. But she would return.

Gloria turned to heroin as a way of escape. Her next step was to leave home and marry Robert, another addict. He beat her but, because of her childhood, that seemed to Gloria to be just a normal part of family life. When she became pregnant, Gloria sought treatment to overcome her heroin addiction. After her son was born his crying made life more difficult. She began to drink heavily. Under the stress of her marriage and caring for an infant, Gloria began to abuse her baby—slapping him, beating him and burning his feet with a hot iron; once she even broke both his arms. When her baby was just over a year old he was put in a foster home.

Robert’s response was to beat Gloria more and finally to leave her. Soon afterward she took up with Albert and was hopeful of a real change. But he had a quick temper and when enraged would lash out at her. During one fight he beat Gloria so badly that she wound up in the hospital with broken ribs. Did that shock them into making changes? Hardly. As Albert was bringing her home from the hospital he got angry again. Picking up a bottle from the gutter, he broke it and slashed Gloria’s throat, leaving the horrible scar we mentioned.

The family began to get help from social workers. Gloria stopped drinking and works at providing a more balanced diet for the family. Albert is trying to control his anger and now sometimes goes weeks without hitting his wife.

Ask yourself: TO WHAT EXTENT WAS ALCOHOL PART OF THE PROBLEM? HOW DID GLORIA’S CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCE AFFECT HER?

Sarah’s marriage certainly did not mellow with age. Assaults at her husband’s hands came with increasing frequency. Aside from the tranquilizers she was taking, Sarah’s recent history—two broken ribs, a missing tooth, bruises, lacerations and being hospitalized three times—bore witness that her husband was losing his temper more easily. Her two teen-aged sons could see that too.

One day Sarah’s husband, before leaving for work, told his 16-year-old son to clean up the garage. By lunchtime it was not done and the lad said that he was going swimming with his friends. That frightened Sarah, for she knew that her husband would pour out his wrath on her. Her knuckles were white on the back of the kitchen chair as she told her son, “You’ve got to clean up the garage today.” “Get off my back!” he yelled, and stormed up the stairs toward his room. Running up behind him, Sarah grabbed his arm and started to say, “You’re not going anywhere until . . . ” But she didn’t finish. He swirled about and violently shoved against her chest. Grabbing for the handrail, Sarah missed and fell all the way down the steps into a pile at the bottom.

Ask yourself: WAS WAITING THE SOLUTION? WHAT RELATIONSHIP SEEMS TO EXIST BETWEEN THE TEMPERAMENT AND ACTIONS OF FATHER AND SON?

[Letter to a counselor:] “I am 13 years old and am writing this letter not only for myself but for my four younger brothers and sisters. They are 11, 10, 9 and 6. Our parents don’t miss a night to fight. We are fed up with the yelling and screaming and name-calling, door-slamming and plate-throwing. Dad works hard and is a great guy. The minute he walks in the door mom hits him with a list of complaints. He tells her to shut up and then the battle is on. After the fight is over, mom cries and says dad doesn’t love her. She is wrong. He loves her a lot. But if he didn’t, would you blame him? Who wants to get chewed out all the time? Please help us straighten these two out. We don’t want our family split, but this is no way to live.”

Ask yourself: WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE VIOLENT FIGHTS? WHAT COULD BE DONE TO PREVENT SUCH ANGRY SCENES? DO YOU KNOW OF CHILDREN WHO MIGHT HAVE CAUSE TO WRITE SUCH A LETTER?

Connie had been beaten almost senseless by her husband of many years. Too embarrassed to go to the hospital for needed treatment, she went to a shelter for battered women that had been set up nearby in San Antonio, Texas. Without going into the mutual tensions or frustrations that led up to the outburst, Connie described the occasion of her beating.

Her husband had come home, but he was not his normal self. Rather, he was staggering drunk, reeking of beer. In the emotionally charged confrontation that followed, Connie slapped him. It was the first time in their years of marriage that she had done so. “Then,” she recalls, “he got me. He started hitting me like I was a man—punching me in the stomach, the neck. And after I was down, he kicked me.” It was a brutal attack, an assault.

Ask yourself: WHO WAS GUILTY OF VIOLENCE IN THIS CASE? HOW COULD SUCH A FIGHT HAVE BEEN AVOIDED? WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF YOU HAD BEEN CONNIE?

While these examples do not cover the full range of home violence, they do illustrate some of the more common aspects of the problem. And the subsequent questions may already have helped you to gain some insight into home violence. In the articles to follow, some of the factors in these true accounts will be taken up. Also, we will specifically focus in on causes and results of violence involving husbands, wives and children. Then we will be better able to appreciate counsel about solving this problem or preventing this widespread scourge that is destroying the families and lives of so many today.

[Footnotes]

Battered Wives/Battered Husbands—What Is Behind It?

HOME violence is so common that many of us have seen its damage. Glancing at your neighbor or workmate, you may note effects common to many family fights—bruises and scratches only partially concealed by dark glasses, a high-necked sweater or heavy makeup. You wonder: ‘What kind of marriage must she (or he) have? Surely they were in love when they got married. So what happened?’

Yes, what is behind the battering? Who are guilty of beating their mates? Is it mainly husbands? What home climate gives rise to family violence? Are certain outside influences common? In practical ways, what can we do about it? Let us consider the matter.

What Kind of Man Beats His Wife?

Regarding home violence, certain stereotypes come to many a mind. Persons often picture a “blue-collar worker”—perhaps a truck driver, ditchdigger or garbage man—who stops off at the local bar, “tanks up” on beer and staggers home ready to fight. There are many like that, as we saw earlier in Connie’s and Gloria’s cases.

But if you think that family violence is confined mainly to such persons, you are mistaken. “Family violence,” states the column “Intelligence Report,” “cuts across race, class, and background. It is widespread and occurs as often among the upper middle class as among the lower.” (Parade, October 16, 1977, p. 18) Wife Beating: The Silent Crisis points out:

“Those who work with battered women report victims among the wives of physicians, lawyers, college professors, and even clergymen. In Dr. Gelles’s spouse-abuse study, the families with the most violence were those with the highest incomes.”—p. 7.

Why is it that family violence can and does cripple all types of families? There is an underlying reason that most sociologists overlook. Your being aware of it will help you to perceive the root of the matter, whether you are thinking about your own family or that of some close friend or relative.

The oldest record of family life, the Bible, shows that at first human marriage was perfect. When first married, Adam and Eve were sinless. Their thinking, actions and emotions were in proper balance. In that state they would not have suffered home violence, would they? Yet in time they disobeyed God, becoming imperfect. As to one effect of their disobedience, God looked ahead in time and told the woman: “Your craving will be for your husband, and he will dominate you.” (Gen. 3:16) Yes, most women would have such a desire for a husband that they might even be willing to endure an overbearing, brutal man. Millenniums of history underscore that pitiful fact. Also, Jehovah God foresaw that many husbands, unbalanced by imperfection, would carry their headship to extremes, becoming wife-beating tyrants. So what is the common denominator in all cases of family violence? Human imperfection.

It is vital for us to recognize that all of us have descended from that first pair and have inherited an imperfect human nature. (Rom. 5:12) Hence, the evil seed for being violent at home exists within all of us—rich or poor, illiterate or highly educated. What, though, causes it to sprout and bloom? Frustration, alcohol, lack of communication, jealousy and feelings of rejection or insecurity are like nutrients in water causing the seed of violence to sprout. Before considering what can be done about these factors, let us look into how some of them give rise to violence in many families today.

Frustrated Man—Violent Man?

Focusing in on a common trigger for violence in the home, one doctor commented: “I think we have to see wife beating within the context of a society in which there is an enormous amount of frustration and tension. We are living in an extraordinary period where economic tensions and unemployment are very great. These kinds of pressures drift down into the family inevitably.”

Let’s convert that into everyday terms. We can picture a tense husband returning from work. He may have been tired when he left for work in the morning and may have faced traffic jams or noisy subways. On the job he was repeatedly hassled by customers or his boss. But he had to keep his frustration bottled up inside. When he finally gets home, he may immediately face crying children or his wife who has a justified grievance she has been waiting to tell him. What happens? Sometimes the frustration and tension explode into violence. For fear of losing his job, he couldn’t lash out at his boss, and he couldn’t hit the jamming traffic. But woe to his wife or children! “If a man is upset,” said one marital therapist, “he isn’t supposed to cry. It’s more manly to put his fist through the wall. Only sometimes the wall is his wife.”

If you are a husband, can you see yourself letting out frustration in that way? If you are a wife, can you imagine your husband reacting so violently? Does it take some major conflict before it happens?

Actually the spark that can set off the violence may of itself be quite minor: Supper is not ready on time, the wife declares that she wants to take a college course or she says she doesn’t feel like having sexual relations. Her tense and frustrated husband may think such factors are challenging his authority. He explodes in angry violence.

“He that is slow to anger,” says Proverbs 14:29, “is abundant in discernment, but one that is impatient is exalting foolishness.” Many men who have struck their wives, afterward, shamefully have seen the truthfulness of that proverb. Once a man lets loose his bottled-up frustrations by hitting his wife or child in anger, more problems usually follow. The first act of battering often leads to a second. It can be like a crack in a dam; it easily can grow until a torrent of savagery floods the marriage.

Two law students interviewed victims of wife abuse, as well as public officials dealing with the problem. The conclusion?

“Wife beating tends to be not just a single unfortunate outburst but a chronic trouble symptom. [95 percent] of the women they talked to got their first beating in their first year of marriage, and the assaults tended to come more frequently and with increasing violence as the years went by. Unchecked, they might have resulted eventually in death. . . . Generally, what caused the flare-up was some relatively minor annoyance—clearly just a catalyst for some deeper rage or old frustration.”

The first year of marriage is especially critical because of the new pressures that may build up. Besides the mates’ trying to adjust to one another, the husband now feels a heavier economic burden. And if the wife becomes pregnant, that increases the pressure on him as well as possibly stirring up resentment or jealousy over her thrill and preoccupation with something that means less attention for him.

Alcohol—The Cause?

Often alcohol comes into the picture. One survey concluded: “In 60 percent of the cases, alcohol consumption by the assailant was always present at the time of the attack.” The director of a Washington, D.C., crisis center says that up to 80 percent of the wife-batterings are alcohol related.

But is alcohol actually the cause? Perhaps the answer is No; but many times it is Yes. Regarding the link between drinking and wife-beating, psychologist Dr. Lenore Walker observes: “It may be used as an excuse but there doesn’t appear to be a direct cause and effect.” However, the Bible perceptively says: “Wine is a ridiculer, intoxicating liquor is boisterous, and everyone going astray by it is not wise.” (Prov. 20:1) Have you not observed that alcohol tends to lower inhibitions, so that a person becomes boisterous or less controlled? Thus when a husband who is frustrated or who feels anger toward his wife gets to drinking, it may be easier for him to become violent. After studying the problem, Dr. Richard J. Gelles reported:

“The drinker can use the period when he is drunk as a ‘time out’ when he is not responsible for his actions. Also alcohol can serve as an excuse . . . nothing is wrong in the family, it’s ‘demon rum’ that’s the blame.”

Is there a lesson here regarding the use of alcoholic beverages?

Communication or Fists?

As you can appreciate, mates who resort to physical abuse often have a severe weakness with regard to communication. They find it hard to express their feelings, including such powerful ones as jealousy, loneliness, insecurity and fear. “Although we live in a highly verbal society,” says sociologist Sherod Miller, “few of us have learned how to talk to one another about sensitive issues.”

This is especially a problem for men. “A major cause of domestic violence,” comments Jan Peterson of the National Congress of Neighborhood Women, “is the inability of men to communicate with women, except through physical means.”

If a man can learn, though, to express his feelings in controlled words—not in angry outbursts and profanity—the fruitage in his family will be so much better than if he resorts to violence. Ancient King Solomon said: “From the fruitage of his mouth a man will eat good, but the very soul of those dealing treacherously is violence.”—Prov. 13:2.

Even though it is generally thought that women are more inclined and better able to express their feelings in words, the evidence is that many wives contribute to the communication problem. Family counselor Paul Shaner observes that sometimes a battered wife may “be playing power games” by giving her husband “the silent treatment.” Some wives, he explains, claim that their silence stems from fear that they’ll say the wrong thing, “but the man sees it as a power tactic.” Shaner concludes: “These two people haven’t talked, haven’t really communicated, in a very long time.” We who are married do well to ask ourselves, Is the communication normal in our marriage?

Violent Women?

It is not unusual to speak of husbands who beat their wives, but do you think many husbands are battered by their wives? Do many wives give in to violence, measurably adding to the problem of home violence? Yes!

“The most unreported crime is not wife beating,” says sociologist Suzanne Steinmetz. “It’s husband beating. . . . When it comes to using minor amounts of physical force, slapping, hitting, pushing, there just appears to be no real differences between men and women. One of the reasons you have the battered-wife phenomenon is not that men are more aggressive, they just seem to be physically stronger and are able to do more damage.”

Less is heard about husband-battering because how many husbands are inclined to walk into a police station (or even telephone one) and tell a burly sergeant, “My wife is beating me up”? Yet many wives are doing just that! The husband may be smaller, older, frail or even sick. And even if he is strong enough to defend himself, he might not do so out of a sense of chivalry or because of fear that if he would really let go he would seriously injure his wife.

Some wives who loudly decry their husband’s violence ignore their own guilt. For example, a wife learns that her husband put money in the bank in his name rather than in a joint account. In the resulting argument she slaps him. Maybe weeks later she seems to be the wrongdoer, such as by swearing at him or refusing to have sexual relations, and in anger he hits her. True, she may be the one whose body shows bruises. But have they not both been guilty of violence? Recall the case of Connie presented on page 6. A wife’s violence may be like a spark that sets off an explosion.

How is a wife going to respond if her husband, who is stronger, abuses her? The tragedy is that in many cases it is by grabbing and using whatever weapon is handy—a pot, a vase, a knife or an ice-pick. Consider what happened with 5-foot 2-inch, 110-pound Roxanne Gay. According to newspapers in 1977, she had repeatedly called the police about her husband’s brutally beating her. He was Blenda Gay, the 6-foot 5-inch, 265-pound defensive end for the Philadelphia Eagles football team. Finally, during a quarrel this small wife grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the neck. The police found him dead in a pool of blood.

What Can Be Done?

We have examined a number of things behind the problem of battered wives and battered husbands. The root of the difficulty is human imperfection, which means that we are all susceptible to becoming violent. The many frustrations we face in modern life make this a distinct possibility. Lack of control of one’s emotions, such as jealousy or resentment, also inclines one to explosions of violence. Often home violence occurs under the influence of alcohol. And we have seen that both men and women are guilty of spouse abuse.

Though such insight into causes of home violence is important, we need more. The prevalence of the problem necessitates that we positively try to prevent or solve the problem. What about these questions: How should we act when we get angry? Is our view of alcohol, money or our job involved? If violence already reigns in our home, is divorce the best answer? Can the Bible help persons to make real changes in their personality and reactions? The following articles deal with such questions.

[Blurb on page 10]

“In murders involving husbands and wives, the wife was the victim in 52% of the incidents and the husband in the remaining 48.”—FBI crime statistics.

[Blurb on page 11]

“Some wives do provoke their husbands. Although this is certainly not always the case, I feel that it is usually the case. I have seen a number of couples in which the woman had hit the husband repeatedly before he finally hit back.”—Dr. Marguerite Fogel.

Children in a Climate of Violence

“EACH year, as many as 6.5 million children are harmed by parents or other family members. . . . Thousands of children each year are so seriously battered by their parents as to require medical treatment. Another 700,000 are deprived of food, clothing and shelter, and between 60,000 and 100,000 are sexually abused.”—“U.S. News & World Report,” January 15, 1979.

Child abuse is truly a heartrending problem. In some cases, child victims are simply weak, available objects on which parents vent frustrations, jealousy or anger. Yet in many other cases it is a matter of parents carrying to a harmful extreme something that children do need—discipline. The wise and loving Originator of family life tells us: “Chastise your son while there exists hope.” “The rod and reproof are what give wisdom; but a boy let on the loose will be causing his mother shame.”—Prov. 19:18; 29:15.

In studying the problem of child abuse, psychologist D. J. Madden found that “children can feel oppressed by too much discipline or abandoned by too much leniency.” He explains: “Children expect parents to make decisions. When they don’t, the child questions whether he can depend on his parents. And if the child takes over, he can become the disciplinarian.”

“Awake!” of July 22, 1976, dealt extensively with child abuse, including what parents can do to make sure that, though giving their children needed discipline, they do not become child-batterers.

However, let us here give attention to how children are affected by living in a climate of husband/wife violence. Could it be that children who see such abuse learn important lessons from it and thus, when they grow up, are more motivated to avoid being a wife- or husband-batterer?

If a child sees mother or father being abused, that picture is stored away. Later, when he or she gets angry as an adult, it is easy to revert back to the pattern seen in youth. Simply stated, violence begets violence. Consider the example of John, a 26-year-old husband who admitted to counselors that he beat his wife repeatedly during their seven-year marriage. When he was a lad, family violence was common. His father drank and often attacked John’s mother, sometimes with a knife. Remembering his father, John sobbed: “When I got in the middle, he would throw me against the wall. I said this would never happen in my house. Funny, huh?” Also, recall the case of Sarah’s husband and son related on page 5.

Yes, research shows that children brought up in a climate of home violence often become violent themselves. From a negative standpoint this bears out the Biblical truism: “Train up a boy according to the way for him; even when he grows old he will not turn aside from it.”—Prov. 22:6.

Writing in “The Canadian” of April 1, 1978, Dr. Elie Cass states: “Where there is an unhappy, violent home life, a child will grow up to use the model of violence learned as a family member to solve problems when he or she becomes a parent.” The founder of a refuge for battered women in London, England, says: “If we look at the histories of these men, they were either beaten as children or actually watched it . . . so the violence goes from one generation to the next. It becomes the norm.”

Even if seeing home violence in childhood does not result in one’s later becoming an abuser of wife, husband or child, it takes a tragic toll. A North Carolina study of “children who are not physically abused but who live in families [with] violent parents . . . found chronic depression among 37 percent of the children. . . . Another 40 percent suffered anxiety, while 25 percent had undergone therapy for psychological disorders.”

Clearly, then, families with children have an additional reason for positive action to solve the problem of violence or prevent it at home. If the parents ignore this need and their children are forced to live in a climate of home violence, it is very possible that the youths will be emotionally damaged and may well carry this terrible scourge into the next generation.

Are the Police or the Courts the Answer?

IT IS one thing to know that home violence is widespread, but it is another thing to avoid being part of it. It is one thing to learn some causes behind it, but another thing to know how to cope with home violence or to prevent it in your own home.

Persons who have not lived in a violent home may be quick to say that the solution is simply to call the police or, if necessary, just get a divorce. But is it that simple?

Many an abused wife (or husband) knowingly chooses to stay despite the mate’s brutality. Why? For some, it is because of the children, feeling that a violent home is better than a broken one. Others fear losing a sexual partner or companion and living out their lives alone. Fear of subsequent vengeance holds a number. Some brutalized wives have a lingering love for their husbands, buoyed up by hope that they will change. And many are held captive by worry that they couldn’t support themselves.

Suzanne is an example. She was 18 when she married Alex. Shortly thereafter his violent side surfaced. “He ordered me around,” she relates. “He couldn’t take any criticism, especially when he drank, which was most nights. He expected me to cook, clean, take care of the children, have sex, do whatever he wanted when he wanted. It was really like living in a jail cell. . . . He’d hit me and hurt me if I didn’t obey him.” Why not leave? “I really loved him. I thought he’d change. . . . Later, when I finally woke up and realized he’d never change, I had no place to go, no money.”

Battered wives often resort to calling the police. However, when the police come, usually the most they can do is stop the present battle. How can they, in 20 minutes or so, change the basic home situation? A wife’s next step might be to get the courts to issue an order of protection or a peace bond. Many abused women threaten to do that, but do not follow through. When it is done, however, it does sometimes tend to make a violent husband hesitate, realizing: ‘If I beat her up again, I could wind up in jail.’

After trying such protective approaches (or without even trying them) some battered mates apply for a legal separation or divorce. In a Cleveland, Ohio, study 36 percent of the women gave physical abuse as their reason for seeking a divorce. However, Mrs. Eileen Mack, supervisor of probation for Family Court in New York commented about couples with violent marriages:

“If you rush people into court, you’re doing them a disservice. The answer is not to break up families, but to get them both in to talk it over.”

Furthermore, what about the Christian who is battered, yet knows that God’s Word discourages divorce? Jesus said that the only ground for divorce that leaves one Scripturally free to remarry is fornication (adultery) on the part of one’s mate. (Matt. 19:9; Mal. 2:10-16) And the apostle Paul urged Christians to remain with their unbelieving mates in hopes of saving them.—1 Cor. 7:12-16.

This counsel can be weighed in the light of God’s plain disapproval of brutality and cruel anger. “Anyone loving violence,” says Psalm 11:5, “His soul certainly hates.” The Bible calls strife, fits of anger and contentions “works of the flesh” that can bar one from God’s kingdom.—Gal. 5:19-21; Matt. 5:22.

Understandably, then, Paul wrote: “A woman who has an unbelieving husband, and yet he is agreeable to dwelling with her, let her not leave her husband.” (1 Cor. 7:13) Wives have asked themselves: ‘Is a husband’s violently abusing his wife evidence that he is “agreeable” to living with her?’ Some Christian victims have concluded, No. And they have gone ahead and sought protection through a legal separation or divorce even though aware that they did not have Scriptural freedom to remarry.

Any Alternative?

As we have noted, some abused spouses feel that they have compelling reasons to try to remain with their mates. Particularly when there are minor children, some Christian wives with violent unbelieving husbands have hesitated to seek a legal separation or divorce. They have been concerned with retaining their opportunity to teach the children life-giving Bible truths. So the valid question arises, Is there an alternative approach to coping with home violence? That may be the question also in any marriage where both mates have been guilty of violent outbursts. Can changes be made and the violence be overcome?

What Can Be Done About Home Violence?

WHO would deny that home violence is a serious matter deserving prompt attention? But, in practical terms, what can be done when a family is afflicted with violence?

First of all, what emotion do you connect with home violence? Is it not anger? In relatively few marriages is there violence because one mate enjoys being cruel and inflicting pain. Rather, in most instances, home violence results from uncontrolled anger, such as that brought on by frustration, jealousy, loneliness or insecurity.

Earlier we saw that we all have inherited sin and imperfection. (Rom. 5:12) Lack of full control of our emotions is one grievous result. Thus, which one of us has not gotten so angry that he has said or done something that he has later regretted? The Bible contains a number of accounts of Jehovah God’s servants displaying this weakness.—Gen. 34:1-31; 49:5-7; Jonah 4:1, 9.

Should we, then, expect that in a relationship as close as the family anger will never crop up? Frankly, no. Even if it is only indignation over another imperfect family member’s failing to do what is right, thoughtful or loving, anger will sometimes occur. (Compare 1 Samuel 20:34; Job 32:3.) In fact, the Bible realistically counsels Christians: “Be wrathful, and yet do not sin; let the sun not set with you in a provoked state.”—Eph. 4:26.

When you get angry, though, should you give free reign to anger in what is called “aggressive leveling”? That is what you might read or be told. For example, psychologist George Bach wrote:

“Verbal conflict between husband and wife is . . . highly desirable. Couples who fight together are couples who stay together—provided they know how to fight properly.”—The Intimate Enemy.

Yet from what you have seen in life, is venting wrath by angry words truly advisable? According to a study by Dr. Murray A. Straus, a professor of family sociology, it isn’t. He found:

“Aggressive leveling between spouses is not only of little use in dealing with family conflicts but may also be ‘a dangerous oversimplification which could bring misery to the lives of millions.’ . . . Both wives and husbands almost always responded to harsh and hostile statements with others in the same vein.”

It is like an uncontrolled nuclear chain reaction that escalates into an explosion. Dr. Straus concluded:

“Couples who use a lot of verbal violence are far more likely to end up using physical violence as well. . . . It also becomes increasingly easy, he says, to go from hurting a spouse verbally to hurting him or her physically.”—McCall’s, October 1975.

Thus, no matter what psychological theory is in vogue, actual human experience proves for us the wisdom of God’s advice to control anger: “A man given to anger stirs up contention, and anyone disposed to rage has many a transgression.” “As a city broken through, without a [protective] wall, is the man that has no restraint for his spirit.” “Let anger alone and leave rage; do not show yourself heated up only to do evil.” (Prov. 29:22; 25:28; Ps. 37:8) Any person who has (or even nearly has) become violent in the home can benefit himself and his family by studying and earnestly applying God’s counsel about anger and self-control.a

“Yes,” many will say, “but just what do you do when you really get angry at your wife (or husband)?” Here’s one possibility. How about waiting 60 seconds—yes, actually counting slowly to 60 (or even more)? If you can succeed in postponing your anger, you will be less likely to explode or to touch off an explosion. Also, think about this divine advice: “The beginning of contention is as one letting out waters; so before the quarrel has burst forth, take your leave.” No, that does not mean abandoning your mate. But when irritated, or even angry, have you tried excusing yourself and walking away for a while, into another room or around the block, to cool down? This is especially a good idea for a husband since his wife’s seeming unreasonableness, “crankiness” or loss of control may not be anything deliberate. Perhaps it is but a temporary manifestation of hormonal changes so that she has difficulty controlling her feelings.—Prov. 17:14; 19:11.

If, on the other hand, your mate is the one who gives vent to irritation or angry words, what can you do? There is wisdom in this: “An answer, when mild, turns away rage.” (Prov. 15:1) Might that not have helped in the case related by the boy on page 6? No, it is not easy to do. But how much better and more practical it is to give a mild answer than to respond indignantly in a way that can lead and perhaps already has led to family violence. Interestingly, after mentioning Dr. Straus’ finding that responding harshly led mates to more of the same, the article quoted earlier added: “Only gentle, thoughtful and loving words produced conciliatory replies.”

It Can Work!

The above Bible-based recommendations are not mere theory about solving home violence. They have worked in numerous cases. For example, Tom, in Cincinnati, Ohio, was a man with a violent temper. His story is:

“I had smashed my fist through the wall in anger so many times that I finally marked where the studs in the wall were so that I wouldn’t hurt my hand again.” On weekends he often would get drunk. Once, after he and his wife had a particularly bad drunken fight, he decided to see if God would help. For a while he went to the Methodist church regularly. Then, after he prayed earnestly one day, two of Jehovah’s Witnesses approached him as he worked outside the house. Over a period of time he studied the Bible with them and sought to apply it. His wife sometimes mocked him and even tore up his Bible literature. But he did not respond with rage and violence. He explains: “The truth really made great changes in me. I NEVER would have remained so calm and continued to be so kind to my wife.”

Other Steps

Working with God’s counsel about anger is a positive step in overcoming the home-violence problem. But there are other steps.

We have noted in Tom’s case and in other cases that alcohol is often involved. Even if drinking does not cause one to get violent, it may set the stage. It may, as it were, warm up the wood so that the first spark causes a raging fire.

If your home has been jarred by family violence, think whether alcohol was sometimes involved. The Bible does not condemn moderate use of alcohol. But it does warn: “Wine is a ridiculer, intoxicating liquor is boisterous, and everyone going astray by it is not wise.” (Prov. 20:1; Ps. 104:15; Eph. 5:18) If drinking led someone in the family to go astray into violence, then something could—yes, should—be done about that. Out of loving interest in preserving the family and avoiding physical harm or murder, it might be mutually decided that an absolute limit will be set on when and how much one drinks. And if future experience or any ‘close call’ proves that the limit is set too high, lower it. In some cases, it may even be necessary to renounce alcohol altogether. But is that not better than being sucked further into the whirlpool of home violence?

Not Combat, but Communication

As we discussed earlier, frustration, jealousy and insecurity are often behind home violence. What can be done about them? One of the best remedies is better communication. “Most married couples,” concluded one social scientist, “don’t listen to each other, and many get into fights as a result.”

All of us face some frustration. Consider: A man dreamed of being a sailor and seeing the world, but he got married and has elderly parents needing his support. Thus he works in a shoelace factory, limited to one spot, assailed by noise and pestered by a proud foreman. Do you think that he will never come home frustrated? His wife had imagined raising three lovely children on a peaceful farm. Yet she has not been able to conceive children and now must live in a city to be near the elderly relatives. Will she be unacquainted with frustration?—Gen. 30:1; 1 Sam. 1:4-11.

However, if husband and wife develop a pattern of communication about their activities and feelings, it is unlikely that frustrations common to imperfect life in this system will build to the point of a violent explosion. When, for example, they have quietly discussed the fact that his work, though difficult, helps them fulfill God’s will about providing for the family, this will temper his frustration. (1 Tim. 5:8) They can draw comfort from having each other and knowing of the good they are doing for the elderly parents. Also, perhaps they will plan for a vacation at the shore, go fishing together or investigate getting another job. Equally important is the husband’s reassuring his wife of his love and that he appreciates her feelings and sacrifice. That will help to dissipate her frustration. It is even more effective if he has his arms around her when he says it.

Communication will also be of value at the moment when a fight could easily begin. For instance, this wife senses as soon as he comes home that her husband is cross or unusually tense. Understanding his circumstances through past communication, she may be able to use compassionate, calming words. Rather than a “bomb,” she provides soothing relief. She could kindly ask, ‘Was the foreman unreasonable today?’ or, ‘Was the traffic bad?’ On the other hand, most husbands have much room for improving their sensitivity to their wife’s moods and emotions so as to say and do the right thing at the right time.—Compare Proverbs 25:11.

Contributing to home violence is the tendency to focus on our own feelings. (Phil. 2:4) A wife expects her husband to notice and to comment on her new hairdo without her mentioning it. But when he comes home it is almost as if he thinks she miraculously should know about the traffic jam. Those could be the ingredients for a family fight leading to violence. Yet, more openness at the moment will help. He says, ‘It’s a relief to get home after a day like today,’ or she says, ‘I was able to get a haircut and permanent today.’ Rather than waiting for the other mate to bring up your feelings, you do it. Such revealing, opening comments can lead to talk that prevents violence.

Family finances also need to be discussed. Set aside time to do this rather than letting them be a source of resentment or tension. One investigator found that “28 per cent of the wife beatings were connected to money problems.” Especially do many violent fights arise when a wife again and again indicates to her husband that he isn’t able to keep her on a financial par with neighbors or does not enable her to buy the things she wants. This tends to make the husband feel inferior, to feel that he is inadequate as a breadwinner. A fine groundwork for a family’s discussing their income and economic plans is the inspired counsel at 1 Timothy 6:6-10, 17-19 and Matthew 6:24-34. After reading those verses out loud together, the couple could proceed to consider in all of its details the question of buying new furniture, clothing or other items.

Periods of calm communication are also the best time to bring up feelings such as jealousy, be it jealousy over another man or woman, over attention to a relative or even a husband’s job. The study we mentioned earlier found that “35 per cent [of wife-beatings] were connected to jealousy.” Proverbs 6:34 and its context show that, when there is a real basis for jealousy, rage and a desire for vengeance are common. But those same feelings, with accompanying violence in the family, can result even from jealousy that has little or no basis. So instead of letting jealousy build up like a head of steam in a boiler until there is a violent explosion, it is better quietly (not accusingly) to mention one’s feelings during a calm discussion between husband and wife. It may require real effort to keep the discussion calm, but if by means of it progress is made toward mutual understanding of the feelings, it will be a giant step toward avoiding violence.—Prov. 14:30; 27:4.

If you have had difficulty discussing family matters and your feelings with your husband or wife and violence has occurred, consider getting help from a mature, balanced person who can be present as a neutral but interested party. Sociologist John E. O’Brien, who conducted a study on “Violence in Divorce-Prone Families,” observes:

“Early on, when these anxious feelings arise, it’s best to bring them up and discuss them. If it’s not possible for the spouses to open up on their own, they have to find an intermediary.”

When asked to do so, ministers of Jehovah’s Witnesses have often been able to provide help for Bible students and even for members of the congregation experiencing marital problems. At the husband and wife’s request, a Christian minister may be able to aid the couple to discuss their feelings or problems calmly and to weigh them in the light of the Bible, which is beneficial “for setting things straight.”—2 Tim. 3:16, 17.

Why the Bible?

You likely have observed that much of the best and most practical counsel for coping with or preventing home violence has come from God’s Word. That is to be expected, for its Author is the Originator of family life and has been watching both violent and peaceful homes throughout human history. He has put in the Scriptures counsel that can best meet the rising problem of home violence.

For instance, the Bible repeatedly stresses that man and wife are to see themselves as “one flesh.” (Gen. 2:24; Mark 10:8; Eph. 5:31) If a couple absorb the real spirit of what God is there saying, it is unlikely that violence will erupt in their home. Ephesians 5:28, 29 elaborates, stating: “He who loves his wife loves himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it.” Can you not appreciate the truthfulness of that? Have you ever gotten so enraged at your hand that you used a pot or hammer to beat it or so angry at your neck that you choked yourself?

Also, do we not learn about and accommodate our body’s weaknesses or peculiarities, such as poor hearing? Such accommodation belongs in marriage, too. Yet, underlying many family battles is the idea, ‘Why aren’t you more like me? Why don’t you see things my way or do them as I would?’ Naturally, the idea may not be expressed in just those words. Maybe it takes this form: ‘Why didn’t you clean the table before sitting down in front of the TV?’ or ‘Why do you leave your dirty socks in your shoes instead of putting them with the wash?’ The underlying idea is the same. But a husband or a wife who has God’s view about mates’ being one flesh more readily accepts the other person as an individual with his or her own peculiarities or weaknesses that must lovingly be compensated for while he works for improvement. Wisely the Bible states: “The insight of a man certainly slows down his anger, and it is beauty on his part to pass over transgression.”—Prov. 19:11.

A couple who accept and follow the Bible also will join together in prayer regularly. (1 Pet. 4:7) Think how strengthening it is for husband and wife to be physically and emotionally close as they humbly pray to God for help and mercy. Interestingly, regarding home violence, New York psychologist S. Didato wrote:

“I often tell couples on their wedding night to pray. If they get into this habit, I believe, it is much harder for them to commit violence.”

Prayer, along with applying Bible principles, came to be part of Zoila and David’s life. The story of Zoila, a native of Peru, is:

“Our marriage was a complete disaster. David would leave me and go out every night, spending all his money and often leaving me without even the necessities of life. He frequently beat me, giving me black eyes and a broken finger even when I was pregnant. I had to protect my abdomen in fear of our unborn baby getting hurt.” In time David’s aunt, one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, visited them and started a Bible study. David came to see the wrongness of his past, even crying over it and the realization that if he did not change he could not expect Jehovah’s favor when God removes the wicked from the earth. By applying the Bible, they made changes in their personalities and ways. Now home violence is a thing in their past.

So, even though news reports continue to stress the prevalence of home violence—wife-beating, husband-battering and child abuse—it is not necessarily an unsolvable or unavoidable problem. If you have been a victim of it, or even have shared in it, you can take steps in applying God’s perfect counsel so that with you, too, home violence can be a thing in the past.

[Footnotes]

[Blurb on page 14]

“As an adult, when you disagree with someone, you have to learn to control your emotions and to use language appropriate to grown-up individuals. If you resort to physical violence and beat each other up, if you scream and throw things, . . . you are behaving like a child. You are striking out in a blind, unreasoning way at something that infuriates you. You must not do this. Ultimately such behavior will only destroy you.”—“First Aid for the Happy Marriage,” by Dr. Rebecca Liswood.

[Blurb on page 18]

“Anxious care in the heart of a man is what will cause it to bow down, but the good word is what makes it rejoice.”—Prov. 12:25.

[Blurb on page 18]

“An enraged man stirs up contention, but one that is slow to anger quiets down quarreling.”—Prov. 15:18.

Love on the Skids?

The latest Harris survey asked 1,442 adults nation wide to list in order the 10 things that spell happiness and satisfaction for them. Good health won, with 97 percent. Next came family life (92 percent), then peace of mind (91 percent), respect from others (76 percent), friends (71 percent), education (69 percent), work (60 percent), religion (58 percent), sex (38 percent) and romantic love (33 percent).

Africa—A Battle for Men’s Minds

“The Negroes possess some admirable qualities. They are seldom unjust . . . There is complete security in their country. Neither traveler nor inhabitant in it has anything to fear from robbers.”

Thus wrote world traveler Ibn Battutah, who visited West Africa over 600 years ago. His comments were about the black Africans that lived in part of the great Mali Empire ruled by King Mansa Musa.

How pleasant it would be if such reported conditions of justice and security could exist today, not only in Africa but in the whole world! Obviously, if such an account was basically accurate, there must have been forceful influences affecting the minds of those Africans.

Did you know that this period in African history, called the Golden Age, was marked by many intellectual developments among black Africans? One of the cities in this great Mali Empire—Timbuktu—was world renowned as a center of learning, of mental accomplishments. Sixteenth-century traveler and historian Leo Africanus described the city during his day:

“In Timbuktu there are numerous judges, doctors and clerics, all receiving good salaries from the king. He pays great respect to men of learning. There is a big demand for books in manuscript, imported from Barbary (North Africa). More profit is made from the book trade than from any other line of business.”

Many feel that such teachings and intellectual accomplishments were responsible for the reportedly high level of civilization and morality. Consequently, a number of persons today look to education, or to reaching the minds of Africans intellectually, to bring about a solution to some of the serious problems now plaguing Africa. So there is a battle on to reach men’s minds in the so-called “Dark Continent”!

Serious Problems Plague Continent

Most knowledgeable Africans will agree that much of the continent is faced with many distressing problems. Spectacular economic progress in some places is contrasted with the vast majority living in poverty.

Crime is rife in one African city after another. The town of Soweto, in the suburbs of Johannesburg, is reported as having “outrageous crime. Indeed, few cities, if any, in the world have a higher crime rate than Soweto.” In one month 145 murders were reported there!

As in other parts of the world, inflation, inexperience, greed and corruption have made progress difficult. In a special issue about Africa, Ebony magazine noted that “400 million human beings . . . are waging a total war against poverty, ignorance, disease and neo-colonialism.”

African Problems—World Problems

The problems of one tenth of the human family, housed on a landmass second only to Asia in size, are certainly going to affect the world community. This is especially so since that “landmass” is teeming with vital natural resources, including nearly all the world’s known supplies of gold, diamonds and chromite.

Nigeria is second only to Saudi Arabia in exporting oil to the United States. A third of the world’s reserves of uranium, 15 percent of the natural gas, along with 10 percent of the oil, are to be found in Africa. In an energy-conscious world, such rich deposits are not to be overlooked, and the shortage of such resources could have grave repercussions in industrialized countries. It could affect you!

To solve the problems, many black leaders recognize the need to reach the minds of the masses. Extensive educational programs have been launched in numerous African countries. Even the leaders have endeavored to convey the idea of such a need by calling themselves by the titles “The Teacher” and “The Guide.” Yet, education is not easy. Why?

Many Forces Vie to Dominate African Thinking

“Tribalism is the scourge of Africa,” remarked President Felix Houphouet-Boigny of the Ivory Coast. Tribalism is a strong mental force that breeds conflict. It is a fervent loyalty to the tribe of one’s birth. While a person may manifest kindness and honesty toward a member of his own tribe, he often feels distrust, perhaps even animosity, toward someone of another tribe. An Associated Press release from one African country reports that “tribalism has become the main complication in virtually every African conflict.”

Similarly, many have strong feelings against persons of another race. Racial tensions mount throughout Africa. One white businessman living in a racially strained area thus described the situation: “It’s like having a bomb in your backyard.”

Also, the surge of modern materialism into African society cannot be ignored. Many Africans have, for the most part, abandoned old customs and now build a culture around the benefits of modern technology. Their whole quest in life is to enrich themselves with all the conveniences of a new age. In many sections of Africa, money rules as an unfeeling “king,” and persons will resort to almost anything—stealing, killing, cheating, and so forth—to get it! So the flood of materialism also assaults the African’s mind.

Another powerful force that vies for control in African thinking is nationalism. Black political figures have endeavored to unify their countrymen by creating a sense of loyalty to the nation. Many African countries have just recently obtained self-rule, and many persons are filled with an inner pride because of the accomplishment.

So the forces of tribalism, materialism and nationalism have not solved Africa’s problems. Why not? Because, as many discerning Africans realize, minds need to be trained in other areas, if ever there is to be a semblance of genuine peace and unity.

Proper Instruction Needed About What?

“WANTED: A CODE OF CONDUCT FOR ALL NIGERIANS.” This headline glared in a recent newspaper from Africa’s most populous country. The article that followed deplored the lack of high morals or proper ethics among many in the nation. Despite the advances in education and technology, it commented: “All Nigerians must think again. A country must live by a minimum code of ethics if it is to survive as a nation.” Why so?

One African journalist bemoaned:

“We have spent enormous sums building roads and highways, but we can no longer travel on them with much hope that we will reach our destination in safety. The walls of our homes are even less likely to protect us. . . . All of us live in fear for our lives and lives of our loved ones. That is what it means to be a Nigerian today. And what manner of life is this?”

What is recommended as a solution? The above-quoted newspaper urged: “Consequently developing nations have to make more cautious attempt to change the mentality of their people.” (Italics ours.)

Yes, the “mentality” of people needs changing so that they can develop a proper “code of conduct.” But such education is not easy. Persons can be taught to read and write. But to teach morals requires reaching not only the mind but also the very heart. In attempting to legislate such morals, government officials, battling to reach African minds, have viewed the project as trying to “attempt the impossible.” Yet, such instruction is crucial.

Strong families create strong towns and cities which, in turn, create strong nations. For this reason, one Black Muslim leader urged “the restoration of the family as the basic unit of our society.” (Italics ours.) So instruction is needed to help strengthen the steadily eroding African family. Especially is there a need to train children, for 45 percent of the African population are under 15!

Critically needed is proper instruction about the right attitude to have toward a person of another tribe or race. As we have seen, tribalism and racism have splintered much of Africa. A report about conditions in one country concluded by expressing this hope: “May black hand clasp white in friendship and give Rhodesia peace to match the beauty of the land.”

For a land or nation to be truly beautiful, people must get along with one another. But minds would have to be reached into very deeply to bring about such fellowship. Love, along with proper morals, cannot be legislated. So the most important instruction must effect proper morals, strengthen the family and develop real love between people of different tribes and races.

“An impossibility!” exclaim many. Yet such instruction not only is possible but is actually being successfully accomplished by persons in at least 41 African countries along with the neighboring islands. Who are doing this work? How successful are their methods? Why were the closing months of 1978 of outstanding importance in this massive teaching program? Read with interest the answers in the following article.

A Teaching Program That Succeeds in Africa

CAN you imagine an international educational program—with instructors, textbooks, school buildings and using effective teaching methods, even personalized home services—operating in at least 41 African countries? This international program includes counsel about morality, family life and how to display real love toward all persons.

It also is a teaching program made up entirely of volunteers, yes, almost a quarter of a million of them! These spend many hours teaching others, without any salary for their services.

Such a program seems impossible in today’s world. Nonetheless, this is exactly what Jehovah’s Witnesses have been doing in Africa for over 50 years. Just last year they devoted over 40 million hours to this public service. This averaged out to six minutes for every man, woman and child on all the African continent and neighboring islands! The populace of very few places in Africa is not familiar with their warm desire to help individuals on a personal basis.

The primary textbook, the basis of the “code of conduct” they teach, is the Bible. The Witnesses had weekly Bible discussions during last year with over 200,000 families, in addition to the meetings for instruction arranged weekly at their Kingdom Halls. Not only did they teach thousands to read and write (77 percent of Witnesses are literate, as compared with 20 percent of the population in some African countries), but, more importantly, they taught them the principles of right conduct.

“Victorious Faith” Conventions Play Key Role

Large conventions, or assemblies, are a vital part of this teaching work. During the closing months of 1978 and the early part of this year, 72 conventions were held throughout Africa and the neighboring islands. An astounding 524,571 were in attendance!

A very prominent king in Ghana, accompanied by the queen mother and the king’s chiefs and elders, attended one of these assemblies. “I have been impressed, enthralled, by your convention arrangements and your orderly conduct,” he exclaimed. Why were he and thousands of others so “enthralled”?

Not merely because of the orderly conduct, but principally because of the program. The practical talks, along with new supplementary textbooks like Making Your Family Life Happy, genuinely helped families cope with rising domestic discord.

Does the Program Really Work?

Among the conventioners in Nigeria was a former political-party thug. He had engaged in acts of violence against political opponents. He had burned down some of their homes and even cut off the limbs of some! So notorious was he that some people even feared to attend a certain cinema house because he was known to go there. It happened that the caretaker of this movie theater is a Witness. He began to discuss the Bible with this man and the result was that the man changed his way of life and became one of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

This formerly violent man began to teach others about the Bible. When he first started going into the field teaching work, many people took to their heels when they saw him approaching! It required some effort to persuade them that he had changed. But he had changed! He is now helping others to make similar transformations in their lives.

An isolated case? Hardly! Prostitutes, thieves, drunks and drug addicts have been helped to change their lives. Others, noting the remarkable changes, have been so impressed that they also have become Witnesses.

For instance, a Witness approached the white owner of a large farm in Rhodesia and, as is the custom, asked permission to speak to some of the man’s field workers. “Just what are you going to teach my employees?” the man pointedly asked. “The Bible and its principles,” replied the Witness. “Such as?” queried the owner. “The Bible’s view on honesty, cleanliness, being moderate in habits, and attitudes toward work.” At this the landowner was amazed, as he often had problems with some of his workers over those very matters!

Now, upon realizing that some Witnesses were among his employees, he pressed the visitor, asking: “Just who are Jehovah’s Witnesses on this farm?” You can imagine his surprise when the Witness related the names of his very best and most trusted workers! Deeply impressed, he and his wife had to find out what form of teaching had reached these African minds and created such a change. Soon both were baptized Witnesses themselves, helping to teach still others.

The honesty of Jehovah’s Witnesses has become almost legendary in some parts of Africa. Visitors to the assemblies are often amazed to see a “Lost and Found Department.” “Lost money is considered gone forever to most Africans; the thought of returning money found is foreign to most African minds,” noted a native Kenyan Witness. Yet money—in large and small amounts—is turned in by finders and frequently is reclaimed.

Families Strengthened

What about family life? The mayor of the South African township of Mdantsane made this remarkable public statement:

“Over a period of six years, I have never heard of a single case of Witnesses failing to pay the rent, fighting with their wives, or applying for a divorce. It is for this reason that I have a high regard for them.”

To note the profound influence of Bible instruction, all anyone has to do is attend such assemblies and observe the thousands of obedient children that accompany their parents. After departing from the convention at Abidjan, Ivory Coast, one world traveler, who has seen scores of assemblies, remarked:

“And what children! You have never seen children as disciplined and well-behaved at assemblies as you will find here in Africa. Hours on end they sit with their parents, oblivious, it seems, to the heat and humidity and hard seats that are constructed for these temporary pavilions.”

An 89-year-old member of the New York headquarters staff of the Witnesses was warmly greeted by the African Witnesses. Upon her return after a month attending one assembly after another, Grace DeCecca was asked, “What impressed you the most about your trip?” Without hesitating, she said: “It was the tenderness of the people, especially the menfolk. You saw whole family units coming to the assembly together and the fathers were so considerate in helping out with the children.”

Imagine if all Africa were filled with families and people who are orderly, tender and honest! Would not any rational individual appreciate the security this would bring?

Tribal and Racial Unity

How would you feel toward someone of a different “family” who drove your relatives from their home and killed many of them? Do you think you could love that person?

This is precisely what happened between the world-famous Watutsi (Tutsi) tribe and the Hutu people. Their fighting goes back over 400 years! In 1963 the fighting exploded into all-out war with over 10,000 Tutsi killed and the rest of the tribe forced to wander as refugees. Yet, a report concerning the assembly in Nairobi, Kenya, contained the following details:

“From Rwanda, male and female Witnesses from the renowned Tutsi tribe were worshiping side by side with others from the Hutu tribe. While there yet exist grave differences among these people in general, it is happifying to note that those who have become worshipers of Jehovah have put such differences behind them and now see each other as ‘brother’ and ‘sister.’”

Black and white worship together in areas where there are strong racial tensions. South Africa’s first completely interracial large assembly was held in racially segregated Cape Town. The 6,959 in attendance were noticeably thrilled to be able to associate with those of other races. A report from South Africa said: “The Witnesses acted as if they had been doing this for years. There was a lovely spirit of peace and unity.”

This racial unity is not mere “surface toleration” but is deeply rooted in the feelings of the Witnesses. For decades many white Witnesses have labored as missionaries with black local Witnesses. A bond of genuine love has been developed. Illustrating this, one missionary serving in Africa for over 30 years had become very sick, even being confined to bed for three months. He was asked by a traveling overseer if he wanted to return to his home country of Canada. “No!” he firmly replied. “This is my home, with these people, and I desire to remain here as long as I am alive!”

The visiting Witness official was somewhat taken aback by the response but concluded his report by writing:

“It is this wholehearted devotion to Jehovah that binds the brotherhood of Jehovah’s Witnesses together into an unbreakable unity that is not weakened by international boundaries, different races, customs or languages.”

Instilling the “Mind of Christ”

Hundreds of thousands of individuals have become persons governed by a firm moral code, resulting in strong families that display love for all persons. Would you not enjoy having such persons as your neighbors? They have had instilled in their minds the “mind of Christ,” in that they pattern their thinking and conduct after the example and teachings of Jesus Christ.—1 Cor. 2:16.

These have achieved a success such as is desired by the world. Noting this, Oxford sociologist Bryan R. Wilson, after making an extensive study of the Witnesses in Africa, stated:

“Witnesses . . . have been uniquely successful in getting their following to keep high standards of moral rigour and self-discipline.

“They instill the values of hard work, punctuality, sobriety and self-respect. Their members reach a quality of family relationships that is highly exceptional in East Africa. Their techniques of instruction and indoctrination are extremely effective. . . .

“The stock rhetoric of African politicians is the condemnation of tribalism. Paradoxically, the Witnesses are perhaps more successful than any other group in the speed with which they eliminate tribal discrimination among their own recruits.”

Those with the “mind of Christ” also find that their lives become meaningful and as happy as possible amid the distressing world conditions. Additionally, they eagerly contemplate the Bible-based hope of a whole world without injustice, wherein “righteousness is to dwell” and all persons will enjoy total security. It will be an order of God’s making, replacing an old system built on selfishness. Those living under such perfect conditions will be there because they allowed a massive Bible educational program to mold their lives successfully.—2 Pet. 3:13; Ps. 85:8-13; 145:20.

[Box on page 26]

What Africans Said About Conventions

“I have never seen people who worked so hard! You really live your faith; especially so your youth.”—Club grounds caretaker—Senegal.

“After observing for two days, I am moved and impressed by the orderly manner in which your convention is drawing people of all races together.”—Moslem watchman—Ghana.

[Picture on page 25]

An African family enjoys vital Bible instruction

The Bible’s View

Should Children Be Spanked?

YOU may have been present when unruly children were noisily disturbing all those nearby. “If they were mine,” you might have thought, “I’d warm their bottoms good.” On the other hand, perhaps you saw a parent angrily beat a tired or sick child whose crying sparked the parental explosion. You may have felt that parents should not be allowed to spank, for it often leads to brutality.

There is no denying the fact that deciding how to discipline is one of parenthood’s most difficult decisions. Should spanking be used? Or is it simply another aspect of home violence? (See pages 3 to 19.)

Many persons, including child specialists and psychologists, are opposed to parents spanking children. In Science News (March 4, 1978) Dr. R. S. Welsh wrote: “The acceptance of corporal punishment in both the home and school should no longer occur.” Some claim that spanking teaches bad lessons—that the stronger can rule by force and that angry violence is suitable conduct.

However, other authorities think differently. Quoting Soine Torma, director of the Northwestern Child Guidance Clinic, a newspaper stated: “‘There has to be discipline, there has to be order.’ This extends to spanking he said, so long as ‘you spank for the misbehavior.’” And, in Dare to Discipline, Dr. James Dobson writes:

“It is possible for parents to create hostility and aggressiveness in their children by behaving violently themselves. . . . However, when the child has lowered his head and clenched his fist, he is daring the parent to take him on. If the parent responds appropriately (on the backside) he has taught the child a valuable lesson that is consistent with nature’s method of instruction.”

Actually, God’s Word is the best source of advice on child discipline, for Jehovah God both originated the human family and has observed in billions of cases what brings success or failure.

Jehovah, a God of love, counsels parents: “Do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.” (Eph. 6:4) Discipline—instruction or training that molds—can be an expression of love. We read: “‘My son, . . . whom Jehovah loves he disciplines.’ . . . True, no discipline seems for the present to be joyous, but grievous; yet afterward to those who have been trained by it it yields peaceable fruit.” That is so in the family, too.—Heb. 12:4-11.

But does loving discipline include a parent’s use of spanking? According to God’s Word, it definitely can, when the spanking is an expression of and in a manner consistent with love. Consider these verses from the inspired book of Proverbs:

“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” (22:15) “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.” (23:13, 14) “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” (13:24)—New International Version.

While such references to the “rod” could cover various forms of discipline from parents, physical chastisement is certainly included. Whether they do it with the hand, a wooden ruler or some other type of appropriate “rod,” parents are authorized by God to use spanking in lovingly disciplining their children.

The Bible, however, helps parents to avoid going to excesses by offering strong counsel against giving way to violent anger. (Prov. 16:32; 25:28; Col. 3:8) If a parent, ignoring this counsel about controlling anger, fiercely hit a child in an outburst of fury, that would be contrary to what God’s Word says about discipline being an expression of love. The Bible in no way endorses angry whippings or severe beatings that bruise and can even cripple a young child. That is child abuse, not loving discipline.

A wise parent recognizes that there are various ways to correct or punish a child. Sometimes just a firm word will do. In other cases a disobedient child may be briefly isolated. When a child spills or breaks something through childish carelessness or irresponsibility, often it is most effective to make the child clean it up or work to replace it, if feasible. Of course, flexibility is important, adapting the discipline to the situation and the child; what works with one may not work with another.

Yet, even as the Bible shows, spanking does have value as an occasional form of discipline, especially for young children. As they go along, most children will, time and again, challenge their parents’ authority, testing to see if they “really mean business” and deserve respect. Even nice children may say, “You shut up!” or “No, I won’t do it!” One doctor explained that it is as if the child knows where ‘a line has been drawn on the ground’ and yet crosses it to see what the parent will do. Can the child get away with it? Who is in control?

Particularly with very young children, such a challenge is not necessarily a time for an abundance of words. A spanking may be in order. No, not beating a child into submission, but a firm spanking sufficient to underscore who has authority.

As any tears subside, the parent can lovingly take the child into his or her arms. With quiet words, or just a warm embrace, the parent can say: “I love you too much for you to grow up without recognizing authority and the need for respect.” These are also choice moments to offer guidance that will touch the heart. After one father read in Science News the previously quoted view about avoiding spanking, he wrote to the magazine:

‘When my children were outright disobedient, my wife and I pointed out the reason for the violated rule and the child acknowledged the need for the penalty. Once, after the agreed-on number of smart spanks had been delivered with the paddle, my son (about 6) crept into my lap, hugged and kissed me and said, “Daddy, I guess I’ve learned my lesson.”’

All around us we see the sad consequences of excessive and misplaced permissiveness. So we should be able to appreciate the truthfulness of the Bible’s statement that “he who loves [his child] is careful to discipline him.” (Prov. 13:24, NIV) It is truly loving for parents, in a child’s early years, to commence helping the youngster to recognize authority and to realize that there must be reasonable limits to freedom. The brief pain of firm but not harsh spankings when a young child needs such is certainly better than the grief that comes if, in teen-age or later years, he has not learned those lessons.

It takes real effort for parents to spank wisely—to avoid letting misplaced affection cause them to refrain from spanking, and yet to control themselves so that they do not let spankings lead to brutality or child abuse. But the counsel from our Creator, and the good effects forthcoming, prove that this effort is worth while. As Today’s English Version renders Proverbs 23:13, 14: “Don’t hesitate to discipline a child. A good spanking won’t kill him. As a matter of fact, it may save his life.”

Watching the World

“Double-edged Tool”

◆ A recent Labletter published by Christ Hospital Department of Laboratory Medicine in Cincinnati, Ohio, was headlined: “HAZARDS OF BLOOD TRANSFUSION.” The bulletin stated: “Hemotherapy is a double-edged tool. Few, if any, other medications presently in use carry as great a risk for deleterious side effects as do infusions of blood and blood products. . . . Because of the risks, Hippocrates’ admonition ‘to do good, or at least, to do no harm’ must be borne in mind when the hazards of transfusion are balanced against the possible benefits.”

After detailing seven different possible bad reactions from the use of blood, the document goes on to warn of possible lawsuits by patients who expect “to feel better, not worse, as a result of the transfusion.” “In Summary,” says Labletter, “blood transfusions should be regarded as a dangerous and even potentially lethal form of therapy and should be used only when the benefit to the patient clearly outweighs the risk.”—Jan. 31, 1979.

Lottery Winner a Loser

◆ Among the 40 tickets Hiromi Kiyokawa purchased in a Japanese year-end lottery was a winner worth 10 million yen ($50,000). “But people began to gossip about his instant wealth,” reports The Daily Yomiuri, “and tension developed in his human relations as some people even refused to speak to him.” It was too much for the lottery winner. He took the winning ticket to his place of work and burned it up in front of his flabbergasted fellow workers. But some people still enviously claimed that he had burned one of the other 39 tickets and not the winning one. Now, according to the Mainichi Daily News, Kiyokawa “appears to be too shocked to lead a normal life since the incident. ‘I can’t go out or play mah-jong now because of all the fuss,’ he said remorsefully.”

Roots of TM

◆ Washington physician Gary L. Forrest, writing to American Medical News about Transcendental Meditation, asserts that it is “classical Hindu religious worship.” To support this, the doctor cites an agreement signed by TM teachers and the Maharishi that says that the teachers “have been accepted to serve the holy tradition and to spread the light of God to all those who need it.” Forrest also notes that article 14 of TM’s California incorporation document states that “the purpose of this organization is a religious one.” He declares that for physicians to suggest TM instruction to patients without making them aware of the religious connection “is to perpetuate deception.”

End of a Noted Beer Hall

◆ Progress in Munich portends the end of a noted beer hall, the one where Hitler proclaimed his Nazi revolution. The building where Hitler organized his party and which became a special place for Nazism will be razed to clear the way for a new shopping center. The “bierkeller” entered the pages of history in 1923 when Hitler led more than 2,000 storm troopers on a march against the government, in what came to be known as the Beer Hall Putsch (revolution).

Polish Winter Tames Wolves

◆ Apparently not only humans suffered from the worst winter in 25 years in Poland and much of Europe. The Polish newspapers Polityka and Zycie Warszawa reported that as many as eight to ten wolves at a time would come up to houses in villages and on farms to beg for food. One farmer’s wife told of two starving wolves who scratched at her door, then just sat and looked at her “with pleading eyes” when she opened it. To protect their livestock from the hungry beasts, each day the villagers and farmers took turns gathering scraps of food from all the houses and putting them out for the wolves, which are a protected species in Poland.

Danes Use Waste Heat

◆ Waste heat from a fertilizer manufacturer’s plant will be used for home heating in the Danish coastal town of Fredericia. Said to be the first such use of waste industrial heat, the system will save each home an estimated average of $200 in heating bills each year. Millions of gallons of hot water produced during the fertilizer manufacturing process will be diverted to supplement the oil-fired central heating system that serves the town. It is estimated that oil consumption may be halved.

Blessing the Lawless

◆ A recent issue of Toronto’s Weekend Magazine described the murder of a prominent Montreal underworld figure and his funeral, a requiem high Mass “celebrated by three priests and a seven-man choir.” The article noted that “the long funeral cortège of 35 cars carrying extravagant flower arrangements drew murmurs of admiration as it wound its way through the snow to Madonna Della Difesa, the most important church in the Italian community.” Floral tributes came from underworld figures all over the world, including one from an imprisoned criminal “once considered the Mafia’s capo di tutti capi (boss of all bosses).”

“On the right of the church, high above the crowd of 3,000 mourners,” reports the magazine, “[Benito] Mussolini’s portrait was there, in a place of honor among the frescoes of popes and saints, because for many Sicilians and Calabrians he is a great man who did much to improve the conditions of life in the south of Italy.”—Jan. 20, 1979, pp. 4. 6.

“Cool” Laser for Glaucoma

◆ Soviet eye specialist Dr. Mikhail Krasnov claims to cure most cases of glaucoma with his unique “cool laser” system. Glaucoma is a disease causing eye fluids to build up pressure inside the eye, damaging it. “In our method we simply make a hole with the laser, allowing the fluids to drain,” says Krasnov. “There are no unsatisfactory side effects, and the patient is in the office for only about an hour.” Other specialists have used lasers to perform a similar operation, but Krasnov says these “hot” lasers actually burn the hole in the eye and increase the tendency for scar tissue to form. His “cool” or “Q-switched” laser is said to vaporize the tissue without burning because its pulses are so much more powerful and short-lived. He asserts that the “laser treatment is much safer” than the drops glaucoma victims usually use, “and there’s no nuisance about carrying drops and keeping to a schedule.”

The Price of Fame

◆ Actress Farrah Fawcett-Majors recently commented on what it is like to be famous. In London for the premiere of her motion picture “Somebody Killed Her Husband,” she said: “I’ve lost all my freedom. I didn’t realize the price I would have to pay for fame. I need a guard living with me at all times now and that in itself is a great strain.” One of her guards was killed during a kidnap attempt in Mexico. As for real friends, she feels a loss here too. “I can count my true friends on two hands and most of them are from before I became well-known,” she says.

Dead “Dowry”

◆ To help fight the rat problem in Central Java, Indonesia, an official in the Ardjawinangun area has devised a novel system. He reportedly ordered bridegrooms to come up with at least 25 dead rats before being allowed officially to marry. Also the newspaper Berita Buana says that schoolchildren were ordered to catch at least three rats daily after school. The rodents are devastating rice crops.

Weaning Ivan from Vodka

◆ The Soviet Union has suddenly begun importing American hops in large quantities. Hops are used to flavor beer, and apparently authorities are hoping to wean some people from the traditional vodka to beer in an effort to reduce drunkenness. Soviet advertising is casting beer and wine drinkers as sophisticated, while vodka drinkers are shown as drunks. Until now, Russian brew has been considered of low quality, and evidently the importing of hops is an effort to improve it.

Postman’s Hazard

◆ Letter carriers are increasingly being plagued by dogs that bite. The latest figures for the U.S. Postal Service show that for fiscal 1978, 9,062 mail carriers suffered “animal-related injuries.” That was an increase of 15 percent from four years ago. Dogs inflicted about 90 percent of the injuries. They either bit the carriers or caused them to flee and suffer a fall. “It’s a serious problem,” declared Vincent Sombrotto, president of the letter carriers’ union. Records indicate that many of the canine attacks were preceded by the dog owner’s assurance: “He won’t bite.”

Volcano Emits Deadly Gases

◆ In Central Java, Indonesia, Mount Sinila recently erupted, spewing lava and a concentration of poison gases. Many of the people of nearby Pucukan village were asleep and succumbed to the gases. Even villagers trying to flee were overcome by the lava and gases, leaving dead bodies sprawled in the streets of the village. The gases killed at least 155 persons, including some members of rescue teams. Just before the death-dealing eruption, there were seven earth tremors and an explosion underground.

Most Expensive Land

◆ The most expensive piece of land in Japan, according to the Mainichi Daily News, is in the Shinjuku Ward of Tokyo. It might be the most expensive in the world. Located around the Shinjuku Railway station, it includes a built-up area of stores and shops. The appraised value of one square meter (10.8 sq. ft.) is 2,880,000 yen (about $14,500, U.S.). One acre of land at that rate would cost almost $60,000,000, U.S.!

Spinach Demythologized

◆ Some children may breathe a sigh of relief if their mothers take seriously new information about the iron content of an often-hated green. University of Freiburg professor G. W. Lohr recently told a medical congress in Wiesbaden, Germany, that the reputation of spinach for high mineral content is all a mistake. He said that an old nutrition handbook published an iron level 10 times too high because of a typographical error in decimal-point location. This error was perpetuated in later textbooks, and was not discovered until scientists were routinely revising the old food-value tables. The professor also claims that iron in spinach is not in a form that the body can absorb easily anyway.

Value of Helmets

◆ At one time, motorcycle riders in Texas were required to wear protective helmets. However, two years ago this law was repealed. Dr. Myron Koehler of the Texas Transportation Institute tells what has happened since: “The results are irrefutable. As helmet usage decreased, the severity of the injuries and the number of fatalities increased.” Hospital and coroner reports show that since the repeal of the helmet law the number of victims listed as “dead on arrival” has more than doubled, with incapacitating head injuries increasing sharply.

Traffic Deaths Up

◆ In the United States, when the 55-mile-an-hour speed limit was imposed several years ago, traffic fatalities dropped dramatically. But now, the Transportation Department reports that traffic deaths in the country during 1978 exceeded 50,000 for the first time in five years, an increase of nearly 5 percent over the previous year. Although the speed limit is still in effect, many are ignoring it.

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